Toddler hitting other kids Post Reply

[mum2000]

Hi there. My son is 15 months old and has just started walking. Unfortunately, this new found freedom with his hands seems to have resulted in him starting to hit other children at playgroups etc. I didn't have this experience with my daughter and was just wondering if anyone had any tips for nipping it in the bud? I know lots of kids go through this phase and it won't last forever (and will no doubt be followed by some other equally anti-social phase...) but any advice gratefully received. Thanks

[Gingercat2]

Hi!

I would try a role play scenario with his teddies or soft toys. Set up a picnic and model behaviour for him so he understands how to play gently. For example say..would teddy like a cup of tea? You begin by showing your son what to do and when he offers teddy the tea , you say oh that is kind..try cuddling and giving teddy a kiss etc
Begin to say oh..... is so good at giving cuddles and being kind.. the type of behaviour that you practise will begin to start showing in real life situations.
Give it time and use lots of praise.
If the hitting gets really bad, remove your son from the situation.. he'll soon get the message that his fun playing is being spoilt everytime he hits.
Best wishes

[littlebulldogdesign]

At my son's preschool I saw them use a good technique for this. They would gently grab their hands mid hit and say something like "hands are for clapping" and start clapping or "hands are for waving" etc. it seemed to be a good way of heading off the hitting while giving the child something positive with their hands. It also addresses the situation at the time so the child can begin to relate their action to the adult's response at the time.

[BabyMagic]

Hello,

Firstly, can I say how brilliantly you seem to be approaching this. I'm a Family Consultant and help parents out with sleeping, weaning, behavioural stuff all the time.

Often getting the odd comment or watching your little one kick or hit, or bite, pinch etc...can be worrying (especially if Nursery has raised the issue). A good nursery, nanny, book, friend will tell you variants on the same excellent comments already made on your post. You are right not to be too unduly concerned. This is almost certainly not a reflection of your parenting (which seems very level headed), your little boy's character, emotional state etc. etc. He is probably, with such a loving and engaged mum, not feeling insecure about anything in particular.

This is a normal, natural, perfectly understandable developmental stage that pretty much every child able to perform the action will go through.

You did nothing wrong, he isn't doing anything knowingly wrong, the only thing you have to be certain of is (and deal consistently with) is how you are going to stop the behaviour. It may not naturally escalate any way, your toddler would process all the responses, acquire over time a higher developmental level of empathy and start to play cooperatively etc. in his own time.

Sometimes, however, when we cannot wait for the behavioural phase to run it's course, because it's unsafe or may hurt or disturb others, we need to intervene. In my role, I prefer not to change behaviours by punishing or creating negative self-images. Each child is unique and has their own motivations for their behaviour. In other words, sometimes it's impulse, and you can redirect, other times it may be a sustained behaviour because the child's perceived positives (whatever in their wee heads it may be) outweigh the negatives or effort of stopping. The gentlest solution, most effective in the long term is to without penalising, work out the positives and make sure they decrease, until it's just not worth it, and is the child's decision to stop.

Without knowing you or your toddler, I can't advise, but as I often say on this forum, I don't charge for phone chats! I'm working on and off over the next few days, but if you want a friendly voice on the end of the phone, who has seen this issue and resolved in a number of tailored-to-child ways, over 15 years (that's a lot of little ones kicking!) I'd be happy to talk to you, for whatever free time I may have then. I may only be able to squeeze in a half hour whilst I'm inbetween jobs, or errands etc., but maybe I can arm you with a few specific tactics for your specific child. No charge, it's only half an hour, just happy to help if I can.