I can't stop crying Post Reply

[surij]

I'm a new mum who has just moved to London from Birmingham. I don't have any friends here and my husband just took up a management position so always at work. He doesn't know how I feel because I don't want to add to his stress. My baby cries even after I have just fed her and changed her nappy so I ignore her cries because I end up crying myself.

Is there something wrong with me?

[falconmum]

oh no ! please dont be despondent . London is a fabulous city to be in . Are you based in Wandsworth ? There are many mum & baby groups around . There are a lot of playgroups, one o'clock clubs that you can go to for meeting other people. You can get a lot of details on this forum as well.

In terms of baby crying , how old is your baby? Maybe she has colic , if she cries after feeding and changing . Maybe she is bored and wants to sit up (a baby bouncer would help!). You could take her for a walk in your area in the buggy/baby carrier .
She could be sleepy as well . My son always slept better when we were out and about..
Loads of options and help available depending on your situation.

[AbbevilleMummy]

Oh my goodness, you poor thing. Well done for posting on here.

First and foremost there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! You're going through a tough time with a lot of upheaval and so is your baby.

Sometimes days are a bit s**t and that is completely normal!

But you need to get support and talk to someone so you don't feel like you're going round the twist!

Obviously you've just moved here so doubtful you have a huge support network around you so I would suggest your GP/Health visitor as a first port of call. Also check out your local NCT branch for planned meet-ups.

If you want to PM me to meet up for a coffee, that's also fine too! If you're in 'Nappy Valley' then you have moved to the most family orientated part of London and there are plenty of mums who will know exactly how you are feeling. Its a fantastic community and I have no doubt you will find the support you need.

Take care xx

[LiubaG]

Hello darling,

I just saw your topic and thought that I have to write you. I am super glad I am not the single one that have replied to you. London is beautiful and there are so many things to do. I am sure that you are already on right way if you had courage to post on here. Well done and welcome to London.

You are welcome to email me and also we could catch up sometime.

Please stay happy yourself!
Take care xoxo

[Reenie]

Honey,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you!!! It is tough with a young baby and harder still when you don't have a good support network around you. You have gone through a complete lifestyle change - please don't be hard on yourself!!!! I felt so lonely after my son was born and he suffered from reflux so cried a lot - thankfully I managed to build a good network over time and I am sure you will too. There is a lot out there for mums in wandsworth - monkey music, swimming, parks etc and the one o'clock centres are really good places to meet other mums.

I live in earlsfield and am at home but can easily get to most places around wandsworth if you want to meet up? I have 2 boys - 2 and 4 but one will soon be off to school so will just be the little one.

Please also mention how you are feeling to your GP/ health visitor and especially your husband. Even just talking about how tough your are finding things might help. He might be able to juggle his schedule some evenings or give you a long lie one morning at the weekend - you never know till you ask!!!

I am sure almost ever mum has felt like this at some point - I battled through but looking back wish I had asked for more help and support earlier than I did.

Be kind to yourself and shout if you want to meet for a coffee! X

[KatherineHepburn]

I cannot tell you how many times I have been sat on the kitchen floor having a good cry. It is very normal, especially when you have a small baby.
Well done for posting here. How old is your little one?
I bet that there are lots of mums with babies the same age on here and finding a good network of mums who are going through the same things as you will be golden.
Also, maybe take a look at Match Up Mums online, that is another good way of meeting like minded people to spend some time with.
Just shout if you need anything though. Xx

[KasiaT]

It is a big shock to have a small baby and I found it hard to begin with too - you go from living a peaceful life to having no life and it is so relentless. I know it does not seem like it will ever change but it does get better - my little one was a very needy baby and wanted to be carried all the time - otherwise she cried - but now she is 2 years old and sleeps and eats well and is a delight to be with. I do not work Fridays so if you ever fancied a playdate / coffee we could catch up - it will get easier, I promise, just bear with it.....

[Aristocatsitter]

What a lovely lot of genuinely concerned and honest replies you have had.
I hope you take up some of the offers of coffee and chat and feel less despondent soon.
I'm not in a position to offer any valuable help, I was just heartened to read this thread and felt I needed to comment!
All good wishes

[twomonkeys]

I would echo the other responses and say that there is nothing wrong with you that can't be fixed by getting a little support. It's really hard looking after a baby and can be feel very lonely too.

I always feel that I cope better with tough situations when I have a plan in place, and I think that's what you need. I'd definitely take up the offers from the lovely mums on here and make a few dates for coffee. Your daughter will be distracted by the occasion and it'll give you a little break. And if your baby cries at least there are two of you to gig her around and share the load. Believe me, I love baby cuddles, crying or not!! Maybe you could also make a plan to sign up for a music class or nearby playgroup to give some structure to your week. I remember Monkey Music was the highlight of my week - crazy but true! These will all start up again at the beginning of September which isn't far off. There are lots of threads on here that will help you find them, or post again what your rough location is and I'm sure you'll have tons of suggestions.

I'd also say, try talking to your husband. He's likely to be clueless about how you are feeling, but it's important that he knows. Even if it's a short phone call during the day to see how you are, it might help a little to know that he's thinking of you. He'll also be able to give you a little 'down time' in the evening so that you can put the ear plugs in and recharge.

Reward yourself too - big bar of choc/large glass of wine/big cup of tea..... and most of all, try not to feel sad - you are doing the hardest, but most important job in the world, and your little girl will turn the corner soon and you'll be able to see what a brilliant mum you really are.

Hugs x

[surij]

I am really touched by all the responses I received. I hestitated to post a message because I was raised not to show how I felt. My mum was beaten by my dad and she would hide how she felt. If she ever told him, he would be kind and apologise to begin with but then would get angry with her for making him feel bad. He didn't drink, he was just stressed at work a lot of the time. She always said it was her fault for making him angry and told me never to upset me husband. I don't know what I would do if my husband turned on me. I think it will be okay when she sleeps better in the night because I am always tied.

[mamabel]

Wandsworth run a Making the Most of Motherhood Group

you can self refer if you ring this number

Tel: 020 3513 6264

please give them a ring I think you will find them really supportive of how you are feeling and really help you to cope. This is what the ST George's hospital newsletter says about it:

Wandsworth Psychological Therapies & Wellbeing Service has launched a new and exciting initiative for mothers experiencing post natal depression. The Making the Most of Motherhood (MMOM) course is an opportunity to provide mothers with social support within a group environment, share experiences and normalize feelings along with partner involvement.
they says they provide psycho-education, support and cognitive behavioural techniques (CBT) to improve maternal mood

[Angelique]

Hi,

I am very pleased that you reached out. Please do come around to our Baby and Toddler Group. We meet on a Monday and Thursday mornings from 9-12. You will meet some lovely people.

Please do come along we recently had a new mother exactly in the same position as you, she recently moved from Ireland, she arrived in tears and in no time made a lovely friend. I often see them in the local coffee shop and park spending time together.

This invitation is on the house: I look forwards to see you.

Minies and Minders Group
East Hill Baptist Church
182 East Hill
London
SW18 2HD
m - 07990 760146
Take a look a our website. http://www.miniesandminders.co.uk

Kind regards
Angelique

[brihoney]

I'd love to give you a big hug and tell you not to worry, really what you are feeling it perfectly normal.

You have to understand that post birth your hormones are still doing all sorts of weird things for ages, and it is quite normal to feel down and find it all too much. It is normal, but it can also be quite dangerous. Post natal depression is very common, and moving to a new place without your normal support networks where you know few people is a very well know risk factor in developing. Its great that you have got lots of messages from people who want to meet up, but please please do also talk to your GP about it. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your husband with all he has got on that is fine for the moment, although I think it may be important to do that in time, as wouldn't you want him to share everything with you, and your relationship (hopefully!) is totally different to your parent's one.

But don't worry about that for now, first of all, it is important to start getting the help and support you need, GP and health visitor, they are professionals and should know what to do.

Well done for being brave and posting here, I hope it helps, you can get through this, keep being brave talk to people and they will help you beat this, it is a medical condition, its not your fault, with the right help it will be temporary and get back to being a wonderful mum to your little one, and a supportive wife to your partner.

Here are a couple of links that might help:
http://www.mind.org.uk/information-supp ... _JjI_ldUZM

http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

I hope I've said the right things, I'm no expert...
Best of luck

[surij]

I'm overwhelmed with all your kind responses. I'm going to try and get some help. I want my daughter to have a different life to what I had. I'm stronger than my mum was. I want my daughter to grow up confidentially and do whatever she wants without any fears. I've got a long way to go.

I feel a lot better today. Thank you.

[Natashaneil]

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear your sadness. The birth of a child can apparently trigger past trauma in our lives. I know of support groups called al anon or coda which you may find useful. They have websites and regular meetings during which you can share your feelings and meet like minded people.

The Feelings will pass.

X