nanny versus nursery? ADVICE WANTED! Post Reply

[tamara]

I need some advice! I have the choice of either a nanny share or a day care nursery.

what are people's experiences? Has anyone done both?

Thanks!

T

[kjames]

i have four children and have sent them all to nursery school as I didnt want a substitute mummy (too personal) and think it is so important that they learn to socialise with other children and learn to follow the routine somewhere other than their own home. I sent all my children to Blundells Day Nursery in Battersea and would recommend it to anyone. It is a traditional independent nursery and the principal and staff there really do care for the children rather than just look after them.

Good luck!!!!

[MGMidget]

We have a nanny (not nannyshare) for our son which works really well. I can't compare directly with nursery as he doesn't go but friend's children do, and he does attend creche at the gym sometimes!

The pros of a nanny are they can look after your child if he/she gets ill and take them to the doctors (so saving you taking time off work) and your child will most likely form a warm, comfortable relationship with the nanny which means they will be happy to let you leave in the mornings. They may also suffer from less illnesses than if attending daycare nursery. Friends children who have attended daycare nurseries as babies seem to have had some horrible illnesses - bad chest infections and hospitalisation owing to serious ear infection for example. I haven't found it a problem having the nanny forming a good relationship with my son (as 'substitute' mummy) as he still very clearly prefers me and knows I'm his mum. (They say that whoever puts a child to bed at night and comforts them if they wake in the night is the person they are closest to so that is not likely to be a nanny!) It just means there is someone else he is very happy to spend time with. It is also less stressful trying to get out the house in the morning as the nanny can just take over when they arrive and if you are a bit late in the evening a nanny is usually more flexible in doing some overtime than a nursery would be. I also think my son has progressed more quickly than some of his friends in daycare - learning to walk earlier and having a bigger vocabulary for example. This would make sense as the nanny is giving him one-to-one attention all day whereas he wouldn't get that in nursery.

The main drawback is that if your nanny is ill then you have to find cover or take a day off, however, I think most nannies are very aware of this and take very few unplanned days off. You would need to organise cover when she takes a holiday but it is possible to get temporary nannies through agencies or you agree to coordinate your holidays with hers and/or coordinate holiday cover with the other family you are sharing the nanny with.

A nannyshare is slightly more complicated as you need to have a really good discussion with the other family about routines, meals, what snacks they are allowed, what activies you both think they should attend, how you sort out the pay between you etc. It probably requires more proactive effort by you and the other family to make it work than it would if you sent your child to nursery. There are companies out there who can help with sorting out nanny pay and guide you on contracts, setting up a nannyshare etc - e.g. Nannytax.

[Amy]

Hi there,

I agree with what MGMidget posted here. I have a nanny who's full attention is focused to my 17 month old son's needs. I believed that this will build strong emotional confidence in babies if they are in a familiar environment with a loving person attending solely to them in a daily basis. They can later learn the skill of socializing around the age of 3. For the time being, my son attends parents & toddler's playgroups and different classes around our home like baby gym and monkey music.

However, my work company is in financial problem and I am finding it financially difficult to maintain our nanny. She's not OFSTED registered so its not helping my situation; childcare voucher scheme can help us if she is registered. How much is the going rate for OFSTED registred nanny? Also I am considering nanny share - how much do they charge and could anyone recommend a good, caring and patient one? Is childminder a good option?

We live near clapham junction station and I take the train to go to work (reference for childminders home) so appreciate any recommendation.

My first time to post in here so hello to everyone and regards,
AMY

[Just_T]

I strongly agree with the pro-nanny side vs nursery. I won't bother adding to what's been said other than to say that the whole issue of nurseries providing socialisation is completely false at a very young age. The most important relationship for children under 3 is one-on-one. Of course it's critical to have them play with other children but most nannies will take the child to playgroups and arrange play dates etc., which should suffice. After three it's a different story but nursery school is a good option at that age.

I also think the number of hours some children of (hard) working mums spend at nurseries is disgusting. At least with a nanny the child is at home for most of it, which is how it should be. Don't be fooled by some nurseries' appeal to parents (e.g. I checked out one particular nursery and loved it at first because it looked new and cute and clean. They had a chalk board telling parents what the daily menu was etc., but when I walked through it the littlest ones looked like Romanian orphans. There were 7 babies in a room (all sitting on their own doing nothing ... because babies don't socialise!) with one care giver slumped in the corner. They told me that the ratio was normally higher for babies to care givers but the other one must be on a break! It was pathetic. I was the most interesting thing in that room; they all stared up at me. I actually cried thinking about leaving my kid there!

And I would just reiterate how helpful it is NOT to have to tote the kid out of the house in the morning. I can assure you that when they get to be doddling toddlers, having to hurry them is a nightmare.

Of course it's critical to get a fabulous nanny but they're out there.

[happynanny]

Well this may be a slightly biased opinion as I've been a nanny for 20 years, but i'd say nanny. I also studied child psychology for a while and those few fomartive years are so important to a child's development. As I nanny, I have taken care of children from when they were small babies and stayed with them for years. I can give them my (almost) constant attention. I love them and care for them as if they were my own and develop a very strong bond with them and nurture them as much as possible.
I worked in a nursery when I first left school, and although it was fantastic and the children were well cared for, I didn't gte to know them. Your nanny will know the minute your child is 'off colour' and not well, long before a realtive stranger might. I stopped a child in my care from losing her hearing, when I noticed long before anyone else that she was lip reading. When I told her parents they told me I was exagerrating and being over dramatic because I believed she was so precious (she was..and still is precious to me). To humour me, they allowed me to take her to a specialist who confirmed she had lost 40% of her hearing and needed grommets fitted. I can't imagine in a noisy nursery with 4 or 5 children under my care, I would have noticed this.
Nursery staff are far more likely to come and go and your child loses out of continuity of care. Despite what you may say about us nannies..you'd be surprised what we'll put up with because we love the children we look after.
The first baby I looked after was 9 months old-he'll be 19 next month and came over a few weeks ago to hang pictures for me. I am in touch with most of my fomer charges and love them all dearly. I don't think a nusery worker can claim the same.
Having said that, nurseries can be great, and they do enhance childrens social skills..please don't think I'm dispariging them or suggesting nursey workers aren't invested.

[sja38]

I have a nanny and would highly recommend the nanny option. Nannies are much more flexible and unlike nurseries they don;t chuck you out if you are 5 moniutes late collecting your child because the train got delayed/cancelled!

You also get the benefit of them being totally focuseed on your little one so they never have the conflict of other cihldren demanding their time. Plus you get the benefit of all their experience/ideas etc. and most of them help with nursery duties like cooking the childrens meals doing their washing which is a great help for a working mum like me.

A good nanny is worth her weight in gold!