Motivating a 6-year old boy to do homework - how? Post Reply

[dansk1234dance]

Hey there

My son is turning 6 at the end of August. He will thus go into Y2 in September.

He's a good boy, likes maths, less rambunctious than other boys and fairly good at sitting down and concentrating and gets a good report card .

For the past two years (reception and Y1) we have struggled motivating him to do his homework. We've tried threats, reward, bribery and we have recently started a 'little but often' approach. He's still very reluctant, it takes ages to get him to do anything, he procrastinates, we get angry and the whole thing ends up being quite negative

I realise every child is different, but would really like to hear feedback from other parents who are/were in the same boat. Which techniques have worked for you? Or is this something which just takes time and will eventually find it's own equilibrium

thank you NVN community!

[NorthcoteLuvvie]

Hey,
I have two perspectives on this.

The first is that if he really doesn't want to do homework at his age then I wouldn't push it. The worst thing you can do is to turn it into an "issue" and potentially turn him off for a long time. What I mean is that you don't want him fighting you out of habit when he is ten and you really need him to do homework. Having said that, I also think this is the teachers problem in that the homework might not be fun or interesting enough so I'd go back to school and say "my son doesn't want to do your homework why do you think that is?" and see what they say. So much of the value of homework at this age is about forming habits and concentration so please don't risk pushing it as that can do more harm than good.

The second perspective if that doesn't work is to turn it into something that you both do. In our household we had a similarish issue and we turned it into a joint activity. He'd get his homework out and I'd get my homework out, which was obviously work, and we'd do it together. We'd then congratulate each other at the end and together take a well earned break.

Hope that helps but TBH don't fret, he is so very very young

[mims]

He's 6!! It's completely normal for a 6 year old not to want to sit down and do homework especially after concentrating hard at school all day

There is extremely limited value in homework at primary age anyway and frankly the last thing you want to do is turn it into a battle

I agree with the previous poster-'try to make it fun and make sure the school know you're having issues

Also don't let it take over and ruin your time at home with your son. We used to use a timer and if it was supposed to take 20 minutes as soon as the timer was up we stopped whether or not it was finished (also useful for my perfectionist daughter who would happily have spent hours on the same task ...)

Not doing homework at 6 will make zilch difference to his later academic success - turning him off learning at this stage could

[Sheds]

He has been threatened, rewarded and bribed since the age of 4 to do HOMEWORK???

He has been reluctant, been procrastinating, felt anger and negativity from those he loves and trusts over HOMEWORK???

Sounds like he is trying everything he can to get the message across to you that he just wants to be a kid. I am guessing that all his classmates are doing the same. No doubt, with similar results.

When are the adults going to step back and see what they are doing to these poor kids? Someone needs to stand up for them and get them off the hamster wheel so they are not spending their hard earned cash as adults sitting on a therapist's couch unravelling their childhood experiences of homework…..

[dansk1234dance]

Hello everyone


Thanks for the feedback. I haven't thought about challenging the teachers to make home work more fun - thanks for that.

The LAST thing I want to do is to turn him off, but I'm also caught in a system that requires kids to start school at 4 and to be able to read books (for the appropriate level) shortly after.

I think the overwhelming feedback is to chill - which I certainly will also take onboard. I'm not an overly pushing mum, in fact I only started school at 6 and turned out 'ok' despite ; )

Thank you, I appreciate this perspective as it's easy to lose when you're 'in it'.

[Ali]

Hi,
There is nothing wrong with doing a small amount of homework each day . We were in a similar situation 6 months ago and nothing worked . He is in y2 as well and otherwise a bright kid who gets good report cards . Every time i tried to do some homework with him we end up arguing and he just refused, despite some area clearly needing work. I hated to whole arguing about homework

This is what turned it around for us. I asked a close friend ( who lives nearby and was a teacher before having kids) if she can come over once a week for 15 min to discuss his school homework and give his a small amount of homework for next week. ( something like Bonds books) .The following week , they will discuss his homework , what was easy , what was hard and what else he thinks he wants to work on. My son does his homework on his own now, I rarely need to remind him if he has done it, comes to me for advice when he encounters a hard question and discusses with her what he wants to do more. He even tells her that he wants to practice more "times table" or "shapes and angles " because that's what they do in class that week or his friends know them better and he wants to be ahead. He is now at the top of his class ( not that it matters) and he feel he is directed his own homework. I think he had an authority problems with us, and no matter how much we tried, in his head we were the parents not the teacher and would not listen.
I sat him down before we started this "program" and said the only reason for doing it , is because I love him very much and don't like arguing with him about homework all the time , homework is supposed to be fun and will get somebody else to be in charge . I didn't want to abuse my friendship with my girlfriend and I offered to do the same with her girls , i can keep an eye on their
homework without her having to push and argue with them too much ( her kids are older ) or sometimes I drop them off to tennis or pick them up from school.

I really feel in our particular case he didn't want to mix parents and homework, now he is happy to ask me to help with his homework as long as I am not in charge of homework .In reality the homework is a small amount( less than the recommended 20min a day) but some topics need a little bit of practice before they "get it" .

[Sheds]

http://www.positiveparentingsolutions.c ... -or-chores

may be something worth trying….

[dansk1234dance]

Thanks again for feedback. Book looks perfect. Will order from Amazon.

[mammarosa]

Hi
It is the system that is wrong or inappropriate not your boy. I have a boy exactly the same age as yours, I have felt pushed into a system that is completely unsuitable in my opinion, why the pressure ? British educated children are not ahead other countries where you start school later, rather the opposite ! I started school at 7, at that age children learn in a matter of weeks reading because they are mature and ready to learn. Why try to force it when they are not ready. Let children be children for a bit longer as possible, they have a whole life of pressure and must dos ahead of them.

[sw11_]

A slight diversion but this struck a chord with me for our 5 year old girl along the same lines except it's not homework that's the issue, it's more routine things. Like getting dressed in the morning - COMPLETE nightmare pretty much every day where we have to turn it into an elaborate game or bribe with treats to get her dressed - or getting in the bath/washing hair which leads to screaming most days. I'm thinking of looking for a real life super nanny to come and observe us for a day or two and tell us what we're doing wrong! This can't be normal surely? It's really stressful and her younger sibling is now picking up bad habits from her which aren't part of her natural behaviour. Can reading a book help me or does anyone know a professional I can call to help? If there are baby sleep consultants then there must be older child consultants too??

[duck20]

Hi SW
you could try watching the 3 day nanny which is on TV at the moment and see if you pick up any tips. She also has a couple of books and does home visits. Although if shes on the telly she might be very busy or expensive.
http://bespokenanny.com/3-day-nanny

[duck20]

oh and SW11 there is also this place:
http://www.calmerparenting.co.uk/
The lady Noel Janis Norton recently did a talk in Wandsworth and the things she said made sense, but the whole descriptive praise thing seemed a bit odd to me. Its a bit of an unnatural way of talking, I guess it just takes a bit of getting used to.

[Sheds]

Hi SW11

I have sent you a private message…. hope it arrives with you...

[CheekychappieMum]

The answer to any homework issues (and believe me I've had a few) can be found in Noel Janis-Norton's Calmer Easier Happier Homework book which can be ordered from amazon/waterstones etc. One member mentioned in this thread that she had been to one of Noel's talks .....there are free ones at Noel's Hampstead based centre. I agree with the other member who wrote earlier that at this age it's all about getting into good homework habits....unfortunately a lot of schools prefer to overload children with lengthy content by Yr2 which puts them off homework altoghether so it's vital to bring them round to the idea as early as possible so that you have a stress free evening! It may be worth investigating if the homework is proving more challenging for him than it appears to be. There are many fun ways of training children to spend time at a table concentrating on tasks which is in essence what homework is. Once they are used to colouring or playing cards for example at the table it's a lot easier to build up that technique into academic work. Another tip is to break it down into sections on paper so he crosses off each one as he gets through it so he can see he is making progress. Perhaps he needs to do some star jumps or something physical after every x mins to help maintain concentration. A protein based snack (eg nuts if not allergic) beforehand will also help. Doing some form of book-based work (activity book or other) for a short period 6 days/week will develop habits and momentum. Noel's book will give you some amazing tips, even if your child seems to be coping quite well with homework.