Mum and nanny playdate - opinion sought Post Reply

[firsttimerSW11]

hi wise mums
I'm interested in your opinions on something. I'm a stay at home mum of a 2 year old. My dilemma is this. I know lots of different groups of mums of similar aged children. Often I'll ask a friend to meet up for a playdate. Call me selfish (maybe this is the issue! ) but usually I meet up with people I like so we can have a catch up while the children play. Lately however as people have nannies etc, if they are busy or working etc, they say they'll send their nanny along with their child. Now, this is not an offence to nannies but I haven't got much interest in spending time with my friends' childrens nannies, it's more about spending time with my friends. So in this case, if the friend isn't free, rather than hang out with her nanny, I'll see if any other friends are free.
Am I just a terrible mother and should be making this about my daughter having a nice time with other toddlers, irrespective of who is taking them along to the playdate, while I try to make polite conversation with the nanny whom I generally don't know that well. If my little one had a nanny I wouldn't expect my friends to hang out with her, rather, I'm sure the nanny would meet up with her nanny friends and my daughter would play with those children. Not to mention that I'm sure my friends' nannies have very little interest in spending time with me either!

The isn't meant as an offence to nannies, by the way..
(also aware that it's a bit of a first world problem, but just interested in if anyone else has experienced the same thing).

[headshrinker]

Your daughter is 2 so probably doesn't really care who she plays with so you may as well hang out with whoever you like and not worry too much about it. Kids don't usually make proper friends until they are 3 so until then you can just have them fit in with your own socialising without feeling bad about it.

Don't write them all off though, there are some pretty cool nannies out there who might appreciate a coffee and a gossip too... Maybe meet them in a playground or something first though if it feels a bit awkward.

[Mrs Contractor Mum]

Yes, this whole area of playdates is a pain.

As a working mum with a child about to start reception, trying to organise playdates can be really difficult. I'm only about to arrange playdates on weekends and would rather catch up as a family or with my friends who may or may not have similar age children as opposed to my son's school friends whom I haven't had the opportunity to build up a friendship with the parents as I don't tend to do many drop off or pick ups.

Its difficult trying to get a nanny to organise playdates or be invited for a playdate when the kids are small. Then again, I don't remember there being such a big push for playdates when I was young so maybe my child isn't missing out.

No real advice there, sorry but at this age at least, I would focus on who you enjoy spending time with. I'm sure when the kids are older, they will express their own preference for who they want to see.

[irap]

Hello

I think you need to organise playdates with mums who also want to catch like you.

When I was not working I would organise many playdates with mums I liked so we could have a chat.. but now that I work our nanny goes around every where and we invite many people over too.. its just how it goes..

Just look out for those social mums like you! and as someone mentioned our there: nannies can be super nice and fun too... our previous nanny was super chatty and friendly and most mums loved to hang our with her.. even I had coffees with her when children where at school!

[kgarner]

I know exactly where you're coming from. Slightly different but- recently, on two separate occasions, different friends have texted to ask if I would be at a playgroup that morning. When I texted back 'yes', thinking I may as well go and see my friends, it turns out on both occasions their husbands had the day off and would be at the playgroup instead. They obviously just wanted to make sure their husbands wouldn't be there on their own.

I've also stopped going to playgroups where nannies hugely outnumber mothers. Nannies are naturally going to want to hang out with other nannies in preference to parents- they're their colleagues, at a similar life-stage and with lots in common.

[2009Kat]

Sigh. this all gets resolved as the kids get older
by 4/5 they tend to go on their own to play dates so it doesn't matter. I completely understand where you're coming from OP so don't worry about it as most nannies would rather be with others, all I would say is be polite and friendly to the nannies you meet. Some mothers are not!

[lalectrice]

My 3-year-old has a weekly playdate with a friend and her nanny, to which I take her. At first I thought this might be a bit tedious, but I have got to know the nanny well and now feel independently friendly with her - we have had some really interesting chats and she's always really kind about providing tea and biscuits etc. Don't knock it til you've tried it!

[rooting4tooting]

invite your friends over and they can bring their kids if they like?
A play date is for the children 1st & 4 most.

[Lights]

As a nanny I get it, its about catching up with your friends. Kids make friends as quickly as they drop them so wouldn't worry your not thinking about her.
Im sure your friends nannies also don't want to hang out, my sole charge nanny friends are I all say, the last thing we want to do is hang out with our bosses friends, as we feel we're being spied on in a way. So don't worry about offending them they're probably relieved.

Saying that I have no problem having friends who are mums and meeting up with them but I can make my own friends.

[Lights]

Why does this board not have an edit button? grr sorry about the spelling etc; My apple products are failing me and I hit send before proof reading.

[Bluebird27]

Hi FirsttimerSW11 -

I totally get where your coming from! Sometimes us moms need some socialising too!! To be honest, I would be upset if I had made arrangements with a friend for a playdate and she sent her nanny instead. I would almost feel like I was left to babysit everyone. If I wanted to socialise with someone's nanny I would go to a playgroup.
Anyhoo, Im also a stay at home mum with a nearly 2 year old baby girl and I struggle to find other mums to hang out with during the week, especially now that all my NCT friends are back to work...so I know what your going through. Im sure you have loads of friends, but Im always up for meeting new people if you fancy a playdate