Nanny problem - her child is weeing on our carpets!! Post Reply

[lucych]

Help am I being unreasonable. I have 2 children who are 4 and 2 and a Nanny 3 days a week who brings her 19 month old son who she has decided is ready to potty train BUT I keep coming home to wet patches on our wooden floors and carpets. I am finding it really gross and have politely asked her to make sure it doesn't happen but the problem seems to be getting worse and now happens several times a day. last night I said it can't happen anymore and he is obv not ready to potty train so young. She said its her decision and I asked her to think about it overnight as its not acceptable to us and we employ her and she is fortunate to bring her son and lucky to not have any childcare costs.
Anyway this morning she has said she will not give in. What do I do? I really don't want to find another nanny as my daughter is about to start school and it is a time consuming process. Am I being unreasonable? Is it time to get a new nanny? If any nannies who bring their children to work reading this- would it be worth losing your job over? Thanks for listening to my rant!

[supergirl]

Oh my god... I am sorry to read that. I didn't want to read and run so I will offer my humble opinion.

If it was me I would be dealing with the situation as in a work situation i.e. if you were conducting yourself grossly at work what would your employer do?

Fair enough it is her decision to toilet train or not her son but this is your home and she is ruining the flooring and it is gross. I would re-instate what you have told her in writing and if this doesn't stop I would give her formal warning in which I tell her that the next step would be sacking for gross misconduct without notice.

I know it is a pain to find a new nanny before school start but how long will you cope then with the weeing on the carpet?

I am probably very harsh but from what you say it is not an isolated incident which you deal with. If it happens several times a day, the son is clearly not ready and it is ruining your home.

Or bill her for the cleaning once a week.

Good luck you have my sympathy.

[simplyme]

With the wet patches on the wooden floor-is she not wiping up after the accidents?
It is up to her when she potty trains her child, but is also your right to say that you don't want it happening in your house. She should of waited until she had time off to start this process(or better yet, wait until he is ready)

If she isn't ready to compromise/follow your wishes then you need to decide how firmly you feel about it and whether its worth it to get rid of her. Is this the start of things to come? ie is her child always going to come first over her duties.

You could ask that she forks out of a carpet cleaner once the potty training is done.

[MGMidget]

Reading your post, it seems like the nanny has made her choice (i.e. between treating you or her child as the priority) and is waiting for your next move. I would agree that its a disciplinary matter so I would treat it as such and in the meanwhile start thinking how you would manage the situation if you have to look for a new nanny. That way you can be prepared if you need to excalate things to summary dismissal without notice if warnings don't work. Good luck.

[NYE31]

19 months is WAY too young to potty train & your "nanny" is being totally unreasonable, I dread to think what else she won't "give in on", do take the sensible advice from other posters, give her a formal warning & start looking for a new nanny ASAP.

For what it's worth, I'm not convinced that it works when nannies bring their own children with them.

[NYE31]

19 months is WAY too young to potty train & your "nanny" is being totally unreasonable, I dread to think what else she won't "give in on", do take the sensible advice from other posters, give her a formal warning & start looking for a new nanny ASAP.

For what it's worth, I'm not convinced that it works when nannies bring their own children with them.

[Tealover]

I agree with everything Petal has said. In my opinion this is a red flag - if your nanny is showing so little respect for your home at this point and prioritising her child over everything, then I suspect you'll have other problems in the future.

[Tigermum]

I agree with everything Petal has said. In my opinion this is a red flag - if your nanny is showing so little respect for your home at this point and prioritising her child over everything, then I suspect you'll have other problems in the future.

Hi Lucych,

I think you have been as reasonable and as understanding as possible. Unfortunately, the situation is a two-way street. The time and energy to find a a good nanny may be tricky, but you can not let the present one take advantage of this fact. Wishing you all the best x

[fairyviv]

get your carpets cleaned and give her the cleaning bill. it's gross that she's just leaving it!
what else is she just leaving??

time to get a new nanny.

[farfallina]

How can a nanny think that a 19 months old boy is ready to be potty training?! A nanny should know when it's time to start potty training! I'm a nanny and would never do something like that. She's been totally unrespectful towards you and your house plus she is showing to not have a great knowledge of child development.
There are plenty of good nannies out there!

[farfallina]

Sorry meant to say...sack her and find another nanny. There are plenty of good nannies out there.

[mimibaby]

Do you know why you are not allowed to take your child to work with you? Its because you are unlikely to focus on the task at hand if you were busy worrying about what your little one was doing. No parent should allow their nanny to bring her child to work. Do you think she will be giving your child her full attention when she is busy looking after a 19 month old that belongs to her? You must be kidding yourself to think your child is getting the service you are paying the nanny for. For your child's sake and to ensure non-smelly carpets, grow a backbone and sack that woman. Her attitude is enough for you to fire her not to mention the carpets. If you can afford it use a reputable recruitment agency. They will do all the background checks you need and your mind will be at ease with the new one. We spend more time buying our homes than we do looking for the right person to look after our little ones.

[Daffodil79]

I fully agree that - it's completely unreasonable to potty train when I child is not ready and if she wishes too she should have waited until her holidays. If this was me (I'm a nanny and mother with a child who comes with me!!!) I would be offering to get the carpets / flooring prof cleaned.
But I don't understand why people feel the need to comment on employing a nanny + child with such negativity. I take my son and have done since he was 12 wks and have always worked as hard as I did before having him.
What a silly statement to say in an emergency which would she save - would you comment this to a parent with more than one child!!!?????

[Daffodil79]

Maybe in this situation but it's very unfair to generalise all nannies+ own child. It's not what the OP was asking advice about.
I would say the family I work for choose me so their son had a friend to play with and grow and learn with, which is much more beneficial than anything that I could teach him and much more fun as it a constant play date!
In an emergency - any kind - you would always assess the situation before "saving " just one child!! The family have two children - would I have to choose just one of those to save !!!!!!!

[dudette]

I agree with the others that a "nanny" who thinks 19 months old is reasonable to start potty training is off her trolley and I'd seriously think about sacking her even if her son wasn't peeing on your floors. What happens about number twos? I dread to think!

But I would also say that I know a truly fabulous nanny who has always taken her son to work. She adores her employers' kids as much as her own. So I wouldn't let a nanny wanting to bring her child to work put you off if she's the right person.

But for the OP - you know what you have to do. Hopefully you can find a replacement quickly.