Smugbook? Post Reply

[Wheresmyschool?]

Hi Everyone
Another question.

I've noticed that my SW London friends on Facebook appear to be posting smugger and smugger posts on Facebook over the last year or so.

To the extent where I am thinking of logging in a lot less often.

This morning I saw two photos of a smiling family entitled "Dinner in XXXXX" where the X's are a major global capital city and the whole photo just seemed taken to make me feel rubbish so serving rubbish lasange to my little ones at home. I can't work out whether this isn't a big deal because we're all meant to be friends and so we should be happy for everyone or if it's designed to make me feel inadequete.

Anyway, rant over

[Goldhawk]

Try http://hurrahforgin.com/ as an antidote

[supergirl]

Wow... Where is that coming from WMS? Are you and your husband feeling a bit tired at the moment and not doing much so perhaps you have a feeling of we-should-be-more-proactive-we-are-failing-the-kids?

I am asking because (still rarely but i notice now when that happens) sometimes i feel like you looking at some posts. It usually coincides with us being very busy and tired and not being creative or motivated enough to do smthg.
Truth to be told it goes in circles: sometimes i post smug shots i m sure and sometimes they do. Nobody (nobody that i know) would post a picture of the family slouching on a sofa eating pizza and not doing much. So all posts would appear smug.
I m happy for them. I m sure they are happy for me.

Help yourself to feel better by not reading too much into it i say. Easier said tgan done. Sx

[Wheresmyschool?]

What I can't decide is whether it doesn't matter because we're friends on FB and I should be happy for them or if it's really boasting. Does that make sense?

Part of me wonders if I'm feeling a bit bitter and rubbish and so it gets to me, the other part of me says to myself "get over it, they're friends, be happy for them."

I think I may have to cull my friends list

[pie81]

I wouldn't call it boasting exactly but it's definitely a sign of someone trying to present an edited, "perfect" life online.

The trouble comes when you compare their "edited to look perfect" life with your own warts and all reality. Never compare FB life to real life!

Personally I prefer people who are honest about the ups and downs of their life (I LOVE hurrahforgin) rather than trying to present only the glam bits... Perhaps that's why I've never bothered with FB.

[juliantenniscoach]

I think it's always about how that image is presented. Same with 'check-in's' especially if it's from a business lounge at an airport as opposed to just the airport itself.

Culling the posts you see is always a good idea without 'unfriending' which could cause more trouble than it's worth. I like FB but find myself using it for alternative news/information sources and interest groups like tennis and cycling.

I find having a coffee and putting some music on always brings my angst down!

[Mummymummymummy]

I think it's more important to ask yourself why a friends picture on facebook stirs up such feelings for you? Examine your own life and ask why you feel dissatisfied and what you need to do to change that. Would their lifestyle make you happy?

I also use facebook mostly for groups that I'm interested in and that are relevant to me. It links me with so many fascinating links to things I would never access otherwise. Yes I do also have friends who post glamorous pictures from rooftop restaurants in global capitals around the world AND they have hundreds of facebook friends! I can't say I ever feel envy tho, it's not for me. I'm lucky to have found happiness right here in my own simple life. Now I sound smug, sitting in my kitchen in my slippers

[BFW]

I do know what you mean ! I also have one friend in particular who constantly posts "First Class BA Lounge" / Trip to Barbados / Trip skiing / Trip to amazing hotel / trip to the moon !!!" To be honest it definitely one of the reasons why I no longer go on Facebook - I just found it a bit annoying but as one of the previous posters said it also made me think that its pretty sad how this friend constantly feels the need to prove to everyone what an amazing life she has.

Anyway Facebook is so last year ! Try Instagram - much nicer !

[SWlover]

I couldn't agree more with the above poster..
I do exactly the same as you..I scroll through my facebook and see all these fab holidays, date nights, business trips and kissy photos.. and immediately (we all do it) think 'oh look at them with the best life.. how do they get the time off work to go on so many holidays? how can they afford it? they must have a great career travelling around europe on business, oh they seem so in love, we never get photos like that, we need to have more dates.. my life is so boring..' the list goes on..
but I have stopped doing this recently - having not spoken to my cousin for a while I sent her a text and said hi etc and said 'you're looking really well in your facebook photos, and you just look really happy which is so nice to see' (she had been through a tough time) and she replied saying 'thanks chick, that's really nice of you to say but I'm actually feeling really sh** at the moment, I'm seeing a therapist and I've been off work etc ' and I just thought WOW facebook can portray such a different picture of life..and everytime you see these photos that make you feel rubbish you have to take them with a pinch of salt and remember people are posting what they WANT you to see!

Another example is of a friend of a friend who was round at my friends house.. sat in her comfy scruffs on my friends sofa with a cup of tea, chatting with some naff tv on in the background.. I left my friends house and 15 minutes later saw this girl (the friend of my friend) post a photo of a glass of champagne (tactfully arranged next to a chanel purse - how cringe and pretentious!) and the caption was 'friday night bubbles in chelsea' - I actually laughed and thought 'are you kidding? you're sat in your pjs watching tv...' but its just a clear example that people use facebook as a self PR tool and paint whatever life they want to portray. So try and remember that next time it annoys you!!!

Like Petal I agree that if your friends are having such a great time with their family...why are they posting on facebook and not just enjoying the time together - these kissy date night photos.. me and my husband are in love and happy and go on dates but we're usually too busy enjoying ourselves to take blinking selfies - which by the way they probably took about 10 to get that perfect shot to post on facebook!

It's a sad world we live in where people lead double 'flashier, fancier, happier' lives on facebook but we need to not get too wrapped up in it and take a step back and really just rise above it... it's not real life so lets concentrate on our own lives and not compare and get down about it...

[windmill26]

I agree with Petal.I find the constant sharing quite sad! I don't mind seen a couple of pics from holidays or even achievements but what I find disturbing are the mundane photos (we know your kids play football,good for them but we don't need to see the pics twice a week!).

[Wheresmyschool?]

AND THE ACHIEVEMENTS

Arrrgggghhhhh don't get me started on those.

I get SO cross when people boast about how clever/sporty/brilliant their children are.

A friend of mine posted her child's school report.

SCHOOL REPORT

She wrote "I know I shouldn't but I can't help it as I am SO proud" etc etc

That's an excuse along the lines of Miranda and her TV show when she says "I don't mean to be rude but..."

I can post this as she doesn't live in London and I know she won't see it

[tooposhtopush]

This is my favourite inappropriate post

[firsttimerSW11]

My own favourites are the declarations of love: "To the most wondeful husband, Tim, I love you and our gorgeous children more than anything else in the world" etc. Eh, why don't you just say it to his face?

[dudette]

Oh dear. If other people's success stories make you feel resentful, why are you living in one of the most affluent areas of the country? Just up sticks, sell your house and go and live somewhere where you'll be the richest person you know. Get rid of those annoying friends with their clever children, and fabulous holidays and find yourself some people who live real lives, who may be on benefits, or who struggle to find enough money to last till the end of the week. Only problem I can see is that they may be a bit resentful of you with your huge house you bought from selling your tiny London flat, your gorgeous clothes that you could afford to buy new, your car, your new smartphone etc.

The truth is that no matter how rich we are there are always people better off than us, more beautiful than us, cleverer than us. Comparing yourself with them is the sure route to making yourself miserable. Why not feel happy that you have been so successful in life that you've managed to acquire all these super-successful friends? And who knows what really goes on in their lives? Maybe the people are are going on a fabulous holiday have been having to deal with a dying relative. Maybe the people who have the super-clever child are mourning the fact they couldn't have more children.

Personally I love seeing where people go for their hols, I love to hear about their kids successes and I hope that they love hearing about mine too. That's what Facebook is for. I agree that the people who post every time they brush their hair or visit the lav are boring but the odd post from a business class departure lounge really will make no difference to my life or how I view myself.

[Medway]

Wow Dudette, how do you really feel?!