Domestic violence Post Reply

[SGA0110]

Hi all, new to nappy valley.
Wondering if anyone here has any experience of attending court as a witness for the CPS. I'm separated from my husband and have been summoned to attend court after he assaulted me a few months ago. I'm very scared. My husband seems very nice and normal in public. Anyone who has been through this? Were they found guilty?
Thanks a lot!

[NoodleFan]

Sorry I can't offer any advice but wishing you huge amounts of luck X

[Freya]

Hi
Ican give you some advice in what is likely to happen- I am a family barrister and used to practice in crime
Call me and leave me your number to call you?
My work number is 74047000

[loigal]

SGA you must be very scared but you are doing the right thing. Assaulting you is not acceptable. Do the police provide a liaison officer to support you? Rights for women have a good helpline providing support, including legal. Also you may have, or of not should get, an IDVA to represent you provided by Refuge or Women's Aid? They have helplines too. You should also have been referred to a Freedom programme and there maybe other groups where women (it is factually mainly women who are victims of DV) have this experience to share. Wishing you strength and moving forward with your life. X

[ROSSTAMP]

I suggest you contact the witness service at the court where you are going as a witness. They will be able to arrange a visit to the court before the hearing and explain in detail what will happen and what special measures you may ask for (eg you may want to give evidence behind a screen so that you can't be seen).

The witness service is a charity whose purpose is to help witnesses in court and to make the process as comfortable as possible.( I volunteer at Inner London and I believe we provide invaluable comfort and reassurance)

[dencng57]

I manage a domestic violence service in Surrey. Whilst I am unable to assist direct due to location, I can signpost you to local Wandsworth services. As per a previous poster, I suggest you have IDVA support for court attendance (Independent Domestic Violence Advocate) as these will be trained specialists who certainly have understanding of how 'normal and nice' a perpetrator can present themselves in public and why you may feel scared.

Suggest you contact or visit: Wandsworth Domestic Violence One Stop Shop

http://www.wandsworth.gov.uk/news/artic ... c_violence

Also there is:
• Wandsworth Safety Net: 020 8767 1641
• National Centre for Domestic Violence Freephone: 0870 922 0704
• Victim Support Wandsworth: 020 7801 1777
• Wandsworth Women's Aid: 020 8871 2664

Good luck

[Green Future]

I had to give evidence at the Old Bailey against my ex partner who stabbed me several times. It was about 10 years ago so my memory is not great Im afraid. I remember he was behind a screen so try and request that if you can. The volunteers were lovely and kind on the day. I found that there was very little advice in advance about what to expect but you get told exactly what to do and where to go on the day so that was fine. I wasnt allowed to take my mobile phone in so had to leave it in a shop nearby! There was a volunteer with me at all times. Make sure you go with someone on the day eg a very old friend. I didnt want my family to hear the details so asked them not to attend but my dad took me out for lunch afterwards which was nice. I didnt have a clue what to wear, I wanted to look presentable and believable but in hindsight maybe I looked too well and recovered! I had to wait a whole year for the trial. I hate public speaking but I didnt find it too bad at all. You will find inner strength on the day. I remember his lawyer tried to suggest that I had been jealous by looking at his mobile phone once. I had not expected that at all! It was so inappropriate so if they ask you anything like just say you feel its inappropriate and irrelevant as nothing should lead to violence. They also read out some personal correspondence which I wasnt expecting and I found embarrassing but no one else remembers these things. I think im the type of person to always think something is my fault or to forgive other people and make excuses for them so try to get this out of your mind if you are like that. I was worried about how a sentence might impact him so dont worry about things like that - let the professionals decide. No one deserves to be assaulted and there are no excuses. He deserves to be punished so it stops him doing it again and its a deterrent to others. There is nothing you could have done to provoke an attack and you would never have done that yourself to anyone else. Make sure you think of examples of other ways he may have abused/controlled you in the past including psychologically. They may ask you what he was like as a person. Also think about the different ways it has impacted you if they ask - you may be asked to do a impact statement. Dont hold back. In retrospect my calm manner didnt get across the psychological damage this had on my and my family. I still wake up occassionaly sweating at night after a nightmare. Ask a friend who is more outspoken than you may be to review it. My ex was given an order to stop him going near my house etc for a couple of years after he came out of prison. It doesnt give you much reassurance at the time, but he has never contacted me in ten years. You should be put on a list with the police so you get immediate responses. Make sure you get a proper alarm on your house that works at night as well. It has made such a difference to my feeling of vulnerability. Unfortunately you dont get funding for that, although I did get a house assessment and rape alarm for free. I was allowed to listen to everything in the public gallery which I found helpful. Take notes if you can, you wont be able to digest it all on the day. If you work, make sure your work are aware of what you are going through - you do not need added stress at this time. I was offered restorative justice but turned it down. Im not sure its appropriate for domestic violence. I had some counselling afterwards. Make sure you find the right person for you. Some just sit their stony faced and expect you to talk to a complete strangers. others are sympathetic and friendly and offer practical advice and answers which is what I wanted. Make sure you sort out any privacy settings on social media. You can use a fake name on social media. Try not to let it consume your life, dont let him have that power. Good luck xx

[miymiysmum]

Hi,

My friend went through this last year at Croydon courts and they were amazing, they faced each other in court but came in at different times, she would turn up at different times on every occasion either 30 mins before or 30 mins after the appointment time so they wouldnt clash.

Court can be a very stressful time in this situation, but be strong you will get there. My friends soon to be ex husband was found guilty and advised to go on a anger management course to see his children through a family centre, which to this day he hasnt tried to do... therefore he doesn't see the children and she has moved on and is having a much better life without him.

xx

[SGA0110]

Thank you all who have posted. It's so nerve wracking. I wasn't even sure if the CPS would take the case. I went through a lot with this Man, more emotional abuse than physical but the violence escalated. I was too scared to report him and he kept threatening me if I told anyone I would regret it and still feel scared about what he will do in revenge but try not to focus on that as I know deep down its the right thing. I feel really lucky that Wandsworth CSU took me seriously and have been supportive. They seem to have met men like my soon to be ex husband often; perpetrators often are so charming. What's awful is he has alleged I assaulted him; even the police officer found it almost laughable as I had injuries and this guy is twice my size. I just hope that there will be a fair magistrate who isn't foxed by him. I hope there is justice and I can move on. This man works in health care including women and children so I think it's important he is convicted and monitored. I will try the links mentioned. Thanks to everyone who commented.

[Battersea1]

Hello, speak to the charity Rufuge. They are amazing and assigned someone to a friend who went through something similar. She went with her on the day to court and was a huge support. Hang in there, and keep strong.