age gap in a relationship Post Reply

[wondering]

Hello everyone
I am looking for sme independent advice from all of you NappyValleyNetters.

I am in my early (ish) thirties and I have two children. My best friend is a little younger than me and also has children of the same age as mine. We've done lots of kids stuff together (holidays, babysitting for each other etc) and I think we're a bit of a team.

She got divorced a few years ago and was very lonely and has now met a man but the problem is he is old! He is in his early fifties and has kids who are now at university and he is not interested in doing anything with our little ones.

We had an awful weekend away recently where we rented a house as two "families" and all he did was grump and hrumph whenever the kid were running about and as opposed to it being a fun packed weekend centred around the children we were treading on eggshells as she cooked him breakfast and he read the paper

What should I do? I want her to be happy but at the same time her partner is a pain!

W

[nannyS]

I don't think it's the age gap, it's the man

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

Children bring so much happiness, how can you not have fun when there are children around

[Talkman]

I couldn't have put it better myself. 50 is not old either.

[nannyS]

lol I have 2 adult children and they take me to Thorpe Park for my birthday treat. Love it, role reverse. I also have a grand-daughter and when we go the park I'm the first one on the slide, that's if it's big enough for my middle age spread

[Talkman]

Go girl!

[ordinarygirl09]

Can you not tactfully point out to your friend that he seems a bit short on patience with the children...? If he is as grumpy as you say he is she's bound to have noticed it too.. It sounds like he just doesn't want to be bothered with young children, regardless of his age.

50 is not old, my uncle had a little boy last year at 52, he's amazing with him and gives him so much time and has tonnes of patience.

[tillywith2boys]

She might be happy with him? And maybe he gives her other things (companionship, care, a feeling of security, someone to go to the cinema with, someone to talk to? etc) that make up for his disinterest in helping her with her kids?

And I agree, 50 isn't old!

[wondering]

okayyyyyyy

so I agree 50 is not that old

sorry if offended anyone and thank you for all your kind words!

[dot1]

I think it's probably hard for you both, I'm sure she realises things have changed and is probably compromising like mad, trying to keep all her relationships as happy as possible. How about a Mums and kids w/e next time instead? What did your husband say about him? Maybe the 'grumpy old man' just felt out of his depth so retreated behind the newspaper because he didn't know how else to behave?

[moops]

I agree that 50 isn't old, but when you are in your early 30's 20 years is quite an age gap! Maybe you could say next time shall we do something without the kids as you got the impression he wasn't comfortable? That might open the door to any concerns she might have, although if she hasn't mentioned it maybe it doesn't bother her!