Latest Posts

Neighbour Throwing Chocolates Over The Fence For Dog To FindTue Oct 22, 2019 11:27:29 pm -
2 Replies
Domestic Cleaning.Tue Oct 22, 2019 10:51:52 pm -
NEW
LOST Little White Company Monkey Comforter - Northcote RoadTue Oct 22, 2019 5:40:38 pm -
2 Replies
Good Children's Hairdressers Northcote Road/balhamTue Oct 22, 2019 2:46:37 pm -
1 Replies
Rental Over Xmas WeekMon Oct 21, 2019 2:55:14 pm -
3 Replies
Child Osteopath - Looking For RecommendationsMon Oct 21, 2019 2:24:59 pm -
1 Replies
Trinity Fields FireworksMon Oct 21, 2019 12:12:31 pm -
79 Replies
Available For All Work: First Class Hons, Ex Management ConsultantMon Oct 21, 2019 10:56:21 am -
2 Replies
Table Hire For Child’s PartyMon Oct 21, 2019 9:05:37 am -
3 Replies
Childcare In EarlsfieldMon Oct 21, 2019 8:09:20 am -
1 Replies
Primary School TutorSun Oct 20, 2019 10:31:05 am -
1 Replies
In-ground TrampolineSat Oct 19, 2019 12:15:15 pm -
RECENT
Please Help Me DecideFri Oct 18, 2019 6:45:04 pm -
5 Replies
Electrician Needed!Fri Oct 18, 2019 6:06:07 pm -
5 Replies
Interview Practice 10+ 11+ And 13+Fri Oct 18, 2019 1:39:55 pm -
1 Replies
Domestic Cleaning.Fri Oct 18, 2019 11:31:36 am -
RECENT
3yrs Old Autism - Help/adviceFri Oct 18, 2019 9:36:15 am -
21 Replies
Double Glazing RepairsWed Oct 16, 2019 4:12:12 pm -
RECENT
Temp Accommodation Needed Jan 5-Feb 15Wed Oct 16, 2019 2:26:41 pm -
RECENT
Looking For An Interior Architect / DesignerWed Oct 16, 2019 2:22:52 pm -
5 Replies
Make-over And Photoshoot, Only £50 This Saturday 19th September, 10am At Robbies Photographics, BalhamTue Oct 15, 2019 2:43:14 pm -
RECENT
Luxury Holiday For Single ParentMon Oct 14, 2019 8:33:02 pm -
3 Replies
Father ChristmasMon Oct 14, 2019 7:56:22 pm -
4 Replies
Advice Or Recommendation On Removal ServicesMon Oct 14, 2019 6:59:51 pm -
1 Replies
Do You Need A Tutor?Mon Oct 14, 2019 10:40:15 am -
RECENT
Cake Decorating Class Recommendations PleaseMon Oct 14, 2019 8:30:14 am -
2 Replies
Norland Nanny Or NQNMon Oct 14, 2019 7:11:29 am -
2 Replies
Hall Hire For A Laser Tag Birthday PartySun Oct 13, 2019 8:40:53 pm -
2 Replies
Mandarin Half-term Camp 28 Oct-1 NovSat Oct 12, 2019 10:43:22 pm -
RECENT
Stalls At School Christmas Fairs..apologies If Too Early With This QuestionSat Oct 12, 2019 4:20:42 pm -
4 Replies
MEDIA REQUEST: Did You Fall Pregnant While On HRT? £200 Fee Paid And I Can Promote Your Business/product.Fri Oct 11, 2019 2:07:26 pm -
RECENT
Recommendation For Recaning ChairsFri Oct 11, 2019 9:35:36 am -
1 Replies
Cat CareThu Oct 10, 2019 8:15:45 pm -
RECENT
Might Anyone Know What This Is?Thu Oct 10, 2019 5:21:42 pm -
2 Replies
7+ Tutor WantedWed Oct 09, 2019 8:55:55 pm -
2 Replies
Short Term Rental Property - How To Stop Being Ripped Off?Wed Oct 09, 2019 4:45:39 pm -
6 Replies
Domestic Cleaning!Tue Oct 08, 2019 9:35:48 pm -
RECENT
Recommendation For Will WriterTue Oct 08, 2019 4:38:17 pm -
6 Replies
Paediatric First Aid CourseTue Oct 08, 2019 10:16:10 am -
2 Replies
Pilates And Yoga Classes On Friday Mornings?Tue Oct 08, 2019 6:38:37 am -
6 Replies
Wandsworth Test Tutor RecommendationMon Oct 07, 2019 9:35:55 pm -
4 Replies
Nationalise Private Schools Without Compensation? Garden Tax? Land Tax?Mansion Tax?No Commitment To Remain In EU?Mon Oct 07, 2019 7:32:26 pm -
1 Replies
St John’s School LeatherheadMon Oct 07, 2019 4:25:24 pm -
2 Replies
Cake Maker ??Mon Oct 07, 2019 2:44:00 pm -
9 Replies
Hand-sewing Classes In SW London?Mon Oct 07, 2019 11:45:51 am -
RECENT
Playdate In Sw18Mon Oct 07, 2019 11:20:46 am -
3 Replies
Search OptionMon Oct 07, 2019 10:00:53 am -
2 Replies
SEND EHCP Form For Children With DisabilitiesMon Oct 07, 2019 9:53:33 am -
3 Replies
Kids First Phone: What Are Your Top Tip Phone Rules & Recommended Apps For Monitoring UsageMon Oct 07, 2019 8:16:53 am -
1 Replies
Wandsworth Common Necklace FoundMon Oct 07, 2019 8:05:51 am -
2 Replies

A handy guide to are you shore excursions.

Last Updated on : 12th September 2019
shore excursions

Do you like cramped, airless minibuses? Is your idea of an afternoon well spent, 3 hours in a gift shop? Do you have so much money you light the Aga with a rolled up £50? If you can honestly answer yes to these 3 questions, then a cruise shore excursion might be for you.

My friends had warned me about prepaid shore excursions, saying it was better to do it yourself or at least see what they were selling at the port. The issue for me over the last 2 summers when I accompanied my mother om her annual trip, is that she is at present mobility impaired waiting treatment and it’s a risk knowing if anything she can participate in will be on offer.

Anyway, what’s not to like, they always sound brilliant in the pre-cruise blurb. Luxury transport will whisk you seamlessly from architectural gem to a pristine beach lapped by azure waters. Your tongue will deliver such taste sensations that your brain will explode, whilst the guide is more knowledgeable and better spoken than a combination of Simon Schama and David Attenborough. My experience is somewhat different.

After queueing in various places onboard for about 3 hours you finally leave the ship to find that your own coach, obviously leased from the local transport museum is handily parked half a mile away at the very end of a line of veteran transport options.

Once you get going the first attraction the guide points out is the local traffic jam, which has been a feature of these parts every morning since the road was built. You get about 90 minutes to observe the panoply of stalled traffic, local insects and exotic brands of cigarette butts littering the gutter.

Then suddenly you’re off and the driver must remember where second gear is, whilst your guide stops talking about local politics/sport teams or giving you a crash course in the language as we’re now back on track!

Sadly not the hour and half you just spent studying every last detail of the coach in front means you are now behind schedule and you no longer have time to visit the imperial palace, Roman remains, world famous view or shake hands with the prime minister as you really really must get to the first gift shop on time.

Having sped past various points of interest which you were time barred from visiting you now arrive at the first souvenir shop where you get at least 2 hours to purchase mementos of all the places you didn’t visit this morning. Your guide has gone missing at this point.

If you’re lucky enough to be offered lunch, once the coach reappears, you’ll be whisked off to something resembling a hygienic dungeon where you’ll be offered some local variant of international cuisine, probably pasta and the option to upgrade your 7up to glass of local wine just for the cost of a day’s salary.

Once replete you’ll be packed back into your mobile cage so that you can pass by this afternoon’s highlights. Huge palaces, invading Martians will all pass your semi curtained windows by, as you make for this afternoon’s slightly larger gift shop.

Here will not only lurk souvenirs, but artfully presented examples of local clothing all shipped from the local clothing factory somewhere in deepest China. If you happen to be in China, do not worry, your merchandise is almost guaranteed to come from Vietnam.

shore excursions

Having spent 4 hours in souvenir shops, 2 at lunch and if you were lucky, 30 minutes outside the Taj Mahal (or similar,) your transport of choice then gets you back to the ship just in time to rendezvous with everyone else returning, maximising the delights of queueing for the gang planks and lifts.

How much do these wonders cost I hear you ask? Well the average shore excursion for 2 is a steal (as in they are stealing from you,) at about the same cost as a weekend mini break in Paris or a Michelin starred meal. Next time I think I’ll just stay onboard.

www.shoreexcursionsgroup.com

You Might Also Like

Travel Designers – Balham High Road's Travel Agent has been named London's top travel agency for the second year in a row

Travel Designers was selected for these prestigious titles as part of a power-list of the nation’s best agents by industry bible the Travel Trade ... Read Feature

Let's go on an Amazon Adventure!

With the Easter holidays in full swing, what better time to visit the IMAX cinema and see its latest 3D release, Amazon Adventure. From the ... Read Feature

Gorgeous Gitcombe

We hit the road and headed south-west. For once it wasn’t south-west London, but the south-west of our green and pleasant land. We were ... Read Feature

Join the Discussion

Latest From Instagram