I am not going to advise you here, as I would merely repeat what many others have already said in their replies to your post. 
But, I would recommend talking to a professional, so you that you can make sense of things and find the best solution for you and your relationship.

If you want to talk to someone, here are some highly experienced, trusted and recommended counsellors and therapists: 
https://www.wellbeingcentrelondon.com/our-therapists/



 

I am SO SORRY for what you must be going through. The pain must be unbearable. Do reach out to a friend of family member, regardless of how you might fear them remembering this 'down' the line. Also if you have the means try a councillor so you don't bear the pain and let it grow to rage. You should talk about this with someone. Especially since you have children to keep your cool and calm to.

I know many couples are able to work this through and I am quite positively certain some men never visit the idea of cheating ever again. However I don't think anyone deserves this amount of pain and deceit. And even if the person is forgiven I don't always think the relationship will be healthy. However only you can decide what life you want from this day forward. No woman or man should feel that they settle, or diminish themselves thinking they are not enough. You are enough and what your husband did is wrong regardless of what his thought process was, where or who he was with. I don't see how this is even relevant to whether you are to work this through or not.
You must trust your heart and look at your future and decide.
If you decide to keep by him think about the impression on the children. You would truly need to work this past as a team and not let your children know that it's ok to cheat on mummy, mum will just hold on to the grudge and never fully be happy but we kept together for the children's sake. This is not the goal. The goal should not be to keep together for the children.

Don't rush into anything at the moment, remember to think about YOURSELF at this moment. A range of emotions will come dribbling down and you must be fully conscious to make sound decisions involving your own future and your childrens future.

I wish you the best of luck, remember you can do this! You will be ok!

This is crazy! I'm sorry this happened to you. If you feel he is truly sorry and won't do it again I would let it slide but only you have the best idea on whether you should trust him. 

Hi firstimerSW11,
Thank you so much for your post.

I promise you that I am still here and working daily on NappyValleyNet. 

I hear what you are saying regarding zombie alerts but it is a tricky one.

We get a lot of new users who come to the site and 'search' for topics that they are interested such as 'schools' or 'areas to live' or in this case 'husband visited an escort'. They then add to the old thread  as they are in the swing of it all when starting another thread in reality be better.

Thank you again for taking time to post and I will see if there is a alternative way of dealing with these older posts and situations!


Annabel x

@admin can you not put a zombie thread alert on threads over a year old?
This forum used to be widely used in the area and now it’s like no one runs it any more. Such a shame, I used to find it invaluable.

A marriage or partnership has give and take and is about loving in both directions. When one partner wants to engage/experiment in a sexual practice the other does not for whatever reason after many attempts and being together for a long time and to avoid friction in the relationship the partner will go elsewhere for this practice so as not to upset the partner with someone that will do it not loving the partner any less. Lucky in this case a professional was found who will partake in this practice rather than meeting someone who will do for love and lose partner forever.

@supergirl: I agree with you. If you can't control yourself when having sex, you're nowhere far from being an animal. I believe sex is not a necessity but rather a decision for both of you and your partner. If a person thinks that it's okay for a husband to sleep with an escort, then you're the one that has a problem.

@Roxron: the difference between human kind and animal is our ability to control our desire/emotions and to remember the past so we can forward think. It s the same with sex. We re not animal, we should be able to control ourselves (thats what we teach our kids) and live in a RESPECTFUL relationship.

This may just be a bit too out there but surely when it comes to sex we should at least consider that individuals are likely to have different desires? I don't just mean how often we like it, although that's important too, but in what style.
I'm not forgiving anyone who strays but don't want to judge them straight away either. Sex can be a far more vital part of daily life for one person than it is for another. If one partner in a relationship chooses something a little '50 shades' but the other partner would rather not indulge should the first miss out? And if after the routine of life kicks in to a previously rampant relationship, and twice a day is now twice a month, one partner isn't happy to just settle for that and still needs the physical satisfaction, couldn't they find that elsewhere?
We're not all cut from the same cloth and in most aspects of life that's what makes us interesting and makes our relationships work. Sadly with sex though to be different can drive you apart and it's up to us whether we let it or instead try and understand it.

I don't see why the choice is put up and shut up or lone parent?

I have a very low opinion of any man who exploits sex workers but surely even they are capable of either choosing to control themselves or co parenting following a divorce.

@Nannyjoy. That is one of the best posts I've read here.

You can't trust people who can't trust themselves- I doubt there's a counsellor on earth able to stimulate a response from your husband comparable to the thrill of paid for sexual services.
"Getting forensic" sounds like a bitter, tedious waste of time.
People pay a cleaner when they can't be bothered to clean their house themselves- even though the skill set's hardly complex!
Have a good hard think about your position, your tolerances and your alternative prospects, then decide. Some women have been putting up and shutting up since the dawn of time, others have been single parenting.
There's likely no easy/right option....so be true to yourself and accept whichever associated challenges graciously.

Wow I am so sorry to hear, It must be hard but you need to do what's best for you and of course your kids

Wow I am so sorry to hear, It must be hard but you need to do what's best for you and of course your kids

From a mans point of view he may not see it as cheating and just sex.. You got to look at it as if you have two kids maybe you are getting less time in the bedroom department thus he is finding new ways to keep himself sexually active without losing any love for you.. It may sound stupid but it is highly possible and it isn't the first time this has happened