by firsttimerSW11 » Mon Aug 06, 2018 7:50 pm
Sounds like speaking to a financial planner is a good call.
I don't know how you divvy up your finances but what we do is total up our income, put aside money for mortgage, bills, school fees, savings, holidays and as well as a fund for misc things like car insurance/rainy day money/cars/home improvements etc. We then split the remainder in two, I have my "spending money" (for want of a better expression) and he has his. For anything outside the "spending money", because it's all allocated, we both need to agree if we want to buy something, be it a new car or a new kitchen.
In my case, I tend to save a big chunk of my spending money anyway for things like weekends away with my friends. He tends to blow his on golf weekends and such. But neither of us care what the other spends our "spending money" on.
If you were to take a similar approach, (albeit from one income), then surely you could say that if she wants a bathroom done and you don't, to save up for it from her monthly "spending money" or spend less on a day to day basis, fewer lunches in The Ivy and PT sessions to fund it.
On a separate note, a few people have said, and I agree, how difficult it is as an adult to be financially dependant on another. Especially when one holds the purse strings and controls the finances. Try and come up with a joint plan about to manage your finances rather than you dictating what your household income is spent on. IE she needs to be fully cognizant that a) you have collectively blown through the money you saved early on and more crucially b) that bonuses are not what they used to be so therefore your income as well as your future income is not what it once was. You should both have an equal say in how money is spent but equally, there is only a finite amount of it, no matter how wealthy you are and at some point, she has to understand that.
Reading between the lines of your post, being a SAHM is actually more difficult than working imo although both have different pressures obviously. I personally found that a lot of my identity was tied up in my career so when I took time out to be a SAHM, I struggled a lot with my new identity as I attended my 3rd playgroup of the week. You say she wasn't a high earner but it's amazing how much one's identity can be tied to their career and sometimes being a SAHM can make some women feel a bit lacking in personal identity. (I'm sure not every SAHM feels like this but I certainly did, as did a few of my friends). Having a project relieves boredom and gives her something other than the children to focus on, perhaps?
Sounds like speaking to a financial planner is a good call.
I don't know how you divvy up your finances but what we do is total up our income, put aside money for mortgage, bills, school fees, savings, holidays and as well as a fund for misc things like car insurance/rainy day money/cars/home improvements etc. We then split the remainder in two, I have my "spending money" (for want of a better expression) and he has his. For anything outside the "spending money", because it's all allocated, we both need to agree if we want to buy something, be it a new car or a new kitchen.
In my case, I tend to save a big chunk of my spending money anyway for things like weekends away with my friends. He tends to blow his on golf weekends and such. But neither of us care what the other spends our "spending money" on.
If you were to take a similar approach, (albeit from one income), then surely you could say that if she wants a bathroom done and you don't, to save up for it from her monthly "spending money" or spend less on a day to day basis, fewer lunches in The Ivy and PT sessions to fund it.
On a separate note, a few people have said, and I agree, how difficult it is as an adult to be financially dependant on another. Especially when one holds the purse strings and controls the finances. Try and come up with a joint plan about to manage your finances rather than you dictating what your household income is spent on. IE she needs to be fully cognizant that a) you have collectively blown through the money you saved early on and more crucially b) that bonuses are not what they used to be so therefore your income as well as your future income is not what it once was. You should both have an equal say in how money is spent but equally, there is only a finite amount of it, no matter how wealthy you are and at some point, she has to understand that.
Reading between the lines of your post, being a SAHM is actually more difficult than working imo although both have different pressures obviously. I personally found that a lot of my identity was tied up in my career so when I took time out to be a SAHM, I struggled a lot with my new identity as I attended my 3rd playgroup of the week. You say she wasn't a high earner but it's amazing how much one's identity can be tied to their career and sometimes being a SAHM can make some women feel a bit lacking in personal identity. (I'm sure not every SAHM feels like this but I certainly did, as did a few of my friends). Having a project relieves boredom and gives her something other than the children to focus on, perhaps?