by tishdodson » Mon Nov 19, 2018 11:43 am
I don't know an advisor however there are a couple of great books you can read or listen to that are so helpful. 'How to talk so little kids will listen' by Joanne Faber (again depending on his age. I think this goes up to 7 and then there's books for bigger kids). And 'kids, now they come with a manual' by Matt Hudson. Kids, as much as we would like them to be, aren't in real control of changing their behaviour, depending on his age. They may have patterns they are working through that they need support with. And the constant disciplining and trying to get them to is exhausting, no doubt, for you. They react and model according to what's going on in the family dynamic. You are the most in control of changing your behaviour/talking/body language so that they do and the fact that you don't like your reaction is a really good place to be able to make a start. It takes practice, and one day/week/month at a time to implement things, and you can screw it up sometimes especially if you had different family rules yourself. But definitely works. It's great that you have reached out as so many families go throw this and don't change a thing or ask for help. I have personally found that honest talking to my 3 and 5 year old about what's nice and caring behaviour rather than good or bad really helps, and things like instead of telling him off for pulling his sister's hair saying something like 'You can see she's upset and that can't make you feel too nice. If you could do something to make your sister and all of us smile and feel better, what would that be'. Or if you know he's trying to get your attention get down to his eye level and say 'that wasn't nice to do and we have to help your sister to feel better now. When we have done that, what would you like from me to feel nice'. There are loads of tips in the book to practice. And all of them help to change your reaction and feel a whole lot calmer. Also 'Ruby's worry' again depending on his age, may help him open up about what he is feeling and get you talking well together. How you communicate can change everything. Good luck
I don't know an advisor however there are a couple of great books you can read or listen to that are so helpful. 'How to talk so little kids will listen' by Joanne Faber (again depending on his age. I think this goes up to 7 and then there's books for bigger kids). And 'kids, now they come with a manual' by Matt Hudson. Kids, as much as we would like them to be, aren't in real control of changing their behaviour, depending on his age. They may have patterns they are working through that they need support with. And the constant disciplining and trying to get them to is exhausting, no doubt, for you. They react and model according to what's going on in the family dynamic. You are the most in control of changing your behaviour/talking/body language so that they do and the fact that you don't like your reaction is a really good place to be able to make a start. It takes practice, and one day/week/month at a time to implement things, and you can screw it up sometimes especially if you had different family rules yourself. But definitely works. It's great that you have reached out as so many families go throw this and don't change a thing or ask for help. I have personally found that honest talking to my 3 and 5 year old about what's nice and caring behaviour rather than good or bad really helps, and things like instead of telling him off for pulling his sister's hair saying something like 'You can see she's upset and that can't make you feel too nice. If you could do something to make your sister and all of us smile and feel better, what would that be'. Or if you know he's trying to get your attention get down to his eye level and say 'that wasn't nice to do and we have to help your sister to feel better now. When we have done that, what would you like from me to feel nice'. There are loads of tips in the book to practice. And all of them help to change your reaction and feel a whole lot calmer. Also 'Ruby's worry' again depending on his age, may help him open up about what he is feeling and get you talking well together. How you communicate can change everything. Good luck