Dear Pot luck
I'm actually the author of the book My Child's Different,
which someone has mentioned in this thread, and I completely understand and empathise when you are living with an explosive child and sense that he is not BEING
a problem but HAVING
a problem. You are the expert in your child and I would trust your instinct that you believe he is differently wired.
This is nothing to do with poor parenting or bad behaviour and my guess is that your husband's reaction may also be born out of fear. No parent plans to have a child who is neuro diverse and as Emily Pearl Kingsley says in her poem, as parents we anticipate the arrival of our baby and compare it to a fabulous holiday to Italy, but instead we land in Holland, which was just not where we expected to be. My own son was diagnosed with so many labels he became known as the ALPHABET KID - PDA, ODD, ASC, ADHD, DYSLEXIA
to name but a few!
The positive parenting piece is indeed important, as you need to know how to connect with your son in these explosive episodes, but I believe you can only do that when you understand:
1. His temperament
. He sounds intense, sensitive and quite impulsive? And you have already highlighted he finds change challenging ,so sounds as if he lacks adaptability and flexibility. Lockdown version 3.0 may have magnified something that has actually always been there, but you are now looking at it with a different lens
2. His educational needs
- how is he coping at school. Do they see the same behaviour?
3. His social and communication issues
My experience also suggests that there are often other ,what they call co-morbidities, and often ADHD can sit alongside ASC.
There is however always hope in the face of adversity and I would seek an ASC assessment. You can do this via your GP and they will refer you to CAMHS ( long wait list and provision/ service varies hugely across boroughs) or you go privately and both Dr ELENI at the Effra clinic and Dr Campos at Giaroli and Associates are very good recommendations. Dr Campos is a specialist in ADHD.
Please feel free to reach out to me at www.theparentpractice.com,
as this is my story. I help with the positive parenting piece and behaviour and help parents reframe 'difficult' as 'different'
. Indeed once you can embrace the neuro diversity, you then start to see your son as having a Ferrari brain, but with bicycle brakes, and then the magic really start to happen.