Should I stay or go? Advice needed on Councillors

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MagnoliaMum
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Re: Should I stay or go? Advice needed on Councillors

Postby MagnoliaMum » Thu Mar 18, 2021 9:25 am

That sounds tough, I'm sorry. My first reaction on reading your post, with obviously no idea of the background other than what you have written, was that this is not the sort of decision that you go away and make on your own, even with third-party help, and then report back to your husband. Surely you need first to explore this with him in order to fully know what your response is? For example, if you tell him you're not sure the marriage has a future and he says "Yes, me too, let's split", that would feel very different to him saying "Oh no, that's really sad, how can we try to work through this"? And with children involved, there's far more at stake than just how you feel.

Then on re-reading, it seemed to me that you're feeling unsettled and unhappy and assuming that it is probably to do with your marriage. Again, not knowing you at all, have you considered that it is the current lockdown situation that might be a huge factor in this? Everyone I talk to is a bit miserable at the moment; the lockdown seems interminable and has sucked from our lives so many of the things that give joy, variety, challenge. We are in far closer proximity to our immediate families than is normal, with not much respite from their irritating habits etc. So maybe it would be helpful for you to individually explore the source of your malaise, but making sure to include the wider picture of everything that is happening or not happening in your life.

'Relate' would be a good starting point for individual counselling and then leading to marriage guidance if helpful later. Just to clarify in case you do google searches, you've confused the spelling: 'councillors' work in the council for local government, you want 'counsellors' or 'counselling' here who help with relationship and life issues. Wishing you the best of luck.
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Moonlightdawn
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Re: Should I stay or go? Advice needed on Councillors

Postby Moonlightdawn » Thu Mar 18, 2021 10:50 am

Hi

A good counsellor can make a big difference. My husband and I have been in therapy for a good while and it has helped us enormously.

Our marriage was previously in tatters and our relationship had become pretty toxic. Thanks to the counselling, we are now able to communicate in a calmer and more constructive manner and see past our emotions and usually move on.

We have also worked on other fundamental aspects of our relationship (intimacy, parenting, managing careers, etc). It's been hard work and the changes have not happened overnight. We still have really bad days.

Obviously I don't know what issues you are facing in your own marriage and perhaps endless, unhealthy rowing isn't one of them. Every marriage is different and most relationships are a work in progress. It takes so much effort and at times it feels easier to walk away.

One thing that helped me was to reassess and re-evaluate my expectations of my partner and marriage. I also started to look at myself and the ways I respond to certain situations and scenarios.

I think a key question is whether you still love and have respect for your husband? If the love and mutual respect are still there, then things are a lot more salvageable.

I hope you are able to find the answers you need and that you can reach a happier place. I've been there before and I know how devastating and gut-wrenching it can be. I wish you all the best.
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Annabel (admin)
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Re: Should I stay or go? Advice needed on Councillors

Postby Annabel (admin) » Thu Mar 18, 2021 12:55 pm

The original post in this thread was deleted to protect the user's identity. 
The post itself read as follows:

'I am currently at a 'crossroads' in my life and need some advice.  I am feeling more and more unsettled in my marriage and feel in many ways it has run it's course and I would be happier on my own. We have three children together. However I have no idea where to start with this.  My initial thoughts are that it would be good to see a councillor by myself  to work through why I am feeling the way I do and take it from there.  I would love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation and has come out on the other side of it all...  What are the necessary steps I should take to help me decide what's best to do. Could anyone recommend a good councillor that I could see to help me with this? .  Thank you'

Apologies that this is a now little out of sync but hopefully the above posts /replies make sense.

Many thanks to those who have already offered advice.

A x
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Sav
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Re: Should I stay or go? Advice needed on Councillors

Postby Sav » Mon Mar 22, 2021 9:40 am

I am actually seeing an amazing counsellor at the moment.
Please feel free to reach out if you would like her details.

Sav x
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MamanMummy
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Re: Should I stay or go? Advice needed on Councillors

Postby MamanMummy » Mon Mar 22, 2021 1:10 pm

Dr Shadi Shahnavaz is a wonderful therapist, she works with individuals, family and couples. She has helped me enormously personally and in my marriage. I hope she - or anyone you will chose to see - will help you find the clarity you are after. I was very dubious initially but I truly think she changed my life. Good luck to you, acknowledging you need help is already a huge step forward.
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WellbeingCentreLondon
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Re: Should I stay or go? Advice needed on Councillors

Postby WellbeingCentreLondon » Tue Mar 23, 2021 11:00 am

Talking things through with someone experienced always makes a differnce. If you are still looking for a councillor, here are some trusted and recommended ones: 
https://www.wellbeingcentrelondon.com/our-therapists/
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Sav
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Re: Should I stay or go? Advice needed on Councillors

Postby Sav » Wed Mar 24, 2021 6:11 am

Hiya,

Hi
Here are the details of my amazing counsellor
Her contact details are:

denise@therapyworkslondon.com or

info@londontherapydirectory.com

or message her on 07981027467


Let her know that Savannah/Sav recommended her.
Good luck xx
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Lulu Luckock
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Re: Should I stay or go? Advice needed on Councillors

Postby Lulu Luckock » Thu Apr 15, 2021 10:58 am

I work as an independent counsellor seeing individuals, couples and families too.
At present, I am working online.
Definitely, here to help you if you haven't found someone who is right for you yet.
Please get in touch via my website to know more - lululuckock.com
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