Blurred relationship differences in 10 year old daughter

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Sometimeslovely
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Blurred relationship differences in 10 year old daughter

Postby Sometimeslovely » Mon May 03, 2021 8:22 am

Hi,

Not sure where to look for advice so thought I'd start here in the hope someone might be able to point me in the right direction or offer any words of wisdom. My 10 year old daughter has had multiple boy/girlfriends over the last year or so. In a complete contrast to my 12 year old daughter (has always formed lasting friendships, never wanted a boy/girlfriend as just wants to enjoy friends), my 10 year old seems to be attracted to other girls who are sassy and end up being cruel to her, leaving her lonely/friendless again. Now over the last year or 2 she's had at least 2 different girlfriends and 5 or 6 different boyfriends in her class, they always end within a month and 99% of the time she's the one who has been dumped. 

To be clear, when I've asked her what the difference is between being a friend or boy/girlfriend she says it just means you're dating. I've asked if she's kissed or held hands or cuddled any of them and she says she hasn't. She closes up when I try to talk to her about it or explore her views on what the differences could be between friends/partners. I worry that she's doing this because she's lonely and wants some friendships around her. She doesn't really have a close friend or even a specific group of friends. I worry that she's a prime candidate for being groomed or even county lines when she's a bit older. I sometimes worry that she might be on the spectrum as she can lack empathy and come across as harsh with her words, but not with malice. However her school work doesn't suffer, she's not a 'naughty' child at school (or at home), so when I've tried to talk to her teacher about this I've been brushed off and been told that she seems fine at school. 

In the bigger picture we limit screen time and content at home, I'm in a stable loving relationship and have been since she was 1 year old, no one in our family is in and out of relationships all the time - I'm just ruling out the possibility that this is learnt behaviour from what she sees around her. I've also tried to foster friendships by encouraging playdates and building rapport with other kids' parents but she seems to find most other kids annoying after a time, unless they're the sassy sort and then she always ends up hurt. Yes, she can be sassy herself so I also know there's an element of like attracting like. 

So, if anyone has had any similar experiences with their children or any advice, I'd be very grateful as I'm not sure how to manage this. Thanks. 
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Sometimeslovely
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Re: Blurred relationship differences in 10 year old daughter

Postby Sometimeslovely » Tue May 04, 2021 6:35 pm

To the lovely person who sent me a PM: I have tried replying but it just gets stuck in my outbox, even though as soon as I press send it says it's sent, but then it's not in my sent folder, only in my outbox folder. I shall keep trying! Thanks. 
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SouthLondonDaddy
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Re: Blurred relationship differences in 10 year old daughter

Postby SouthLondonDaddy » Tue May 04, 2021 9:38 pm

Have you tried discussing it with the child's GP? GPs can refer children and families for counselling etc.

Would looking into private counselling be an option?
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souxie
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Re: Blurred relationship differences in 10 year old daughter

Postby souxie » Wed May 05, 2021 12:24 am

Could she be on the Autistic spectrum? X
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Annabel (admin)
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Re: Blurred relationship differences in 10 year old daughter

Postby Annabel (admin) » Wed May 05, 2021 9:54 am

Hi SometimesLovely
A quick explanation regarding you PM. Your message has been sent to the user that you have private messaged, it is still in your outbox as it hasn't yet been opened by the intended recipient.

It is a way of letting you know that your message is yet to be read although admittedly it is quite a clumsy aspect of the site ...

Glad that you have had some lovely replies,


A xx
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Sometimeslovely
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Re: Blurred relationship differences in 10 year old daughter

Postby Sometimeslovely » Wed May 05, 2021 9:15 pm

Hi. Thanks for the clarification Annabel! 

SLD & Souxie, both of those things. Someone else suggested autism so I've been reading more about it and I definitely think the first stop is the GP. 

Thanks for taking the time to reply. 

Best wishes. 
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Starr
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Re: Blurred relationship differences in 10 year old daughter

Postby Starr » Thu May 06, 2021 10:00 am

Hello,
I've sent you a PM as well.
x
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