Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

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ClaphamCommonPlayground
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Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby ClaphamCommonPlayground » Fri Oct 08, 2021 8:22 pm

Hello

I am not sure whether this is the right forum to post this but I feel as though if it was my child I would want to know about it as it was quite upsetting.

I went to Clapham Common playground this afternoon at around 4.30 pm and saw a very distressed baby left crying in a buggy whilst a nanny or other childcare provider sat on a bench and ignored the baby whilst on her phone. The baby was really distressed and was red and coughing. I was trying to work out who the parent was to see if I could help and at that point the lady on the bench called over to another nanny/ childcare provider to come over as the baby was crying. By this point the baby had been crying for a while. The other nanny/ childcare provider walked over and said to her friend, that’s what baby’s do they cry. 

I just want to flag this as if it was my child I would want to know. The baby was in a buggy with a bright blue hood and there was a rucksack on the buggy with a giraffe pattern. The baby was wearing a light blue jacket and I think leggings. 

I hope this is helpful to someone who reads this post. Feel free to get in touch if you think this might be connected to your child and you would like some further information.
 
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Ratski
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby Ratski » Mon Oct 11, 2021 6:21 am

I would say if you were that concerned you should have gone over and said something in person.

This type of snitching post is rather unpleasant and just confirms what most people already think about this area.

I found Clapham Common a very unwelcoming place for a parent and new baby, very stuck up and snooty and since moving away to the South Coast I chat with more people on my walk along the beach each morning than I did in 6 months walking around Clapham.

Should have moved sooner.
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juliabee
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby juliabee » Mon Oct 11, 2021 6:52 am

I hate to agree with you but this is also true of my experience in Clapham when I worked as a nanny myself!
I am now a mum of two, and I would definitely have asked if everything was alright to the nanny in this situation, instead of posting a full description on nappy Valley net. Also how does the OP even know it was a Nanny?! Making assumptions like that without even speaking to her.
Wandsworth was SO discriminatory against nannies, there was such a clear nanny/parent divide and I felt like I was looked down upon by parents at the school my charge attended. (just want to make a point of saying though the family I worked for there was amazing!).
I moved to Streatham and it could not feel more different here - welcoming and treated as an equal. So refreshing and lovely.
People in Clapham need to check themselves with this attitude, its really elitist and awful.
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dudette
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby dudette » Mon Oct 11, 2021 7:35 am

I would find that upsetting too and if it were my child I’d definitely want to know. I’m sorry that your genuine concern has prompted accusations that you’re being sneaky or snooty and by extension everyone in Clapham is like that. Babies cry for all sorts of reasons - when my kids were babies and hungry they’d howl and howl until they were fed. As a mother I usually knew why they were crying. I imagine a switched-on nanny would as well so it may be the person in charge knew why it was crying and couldn’t do anything about it. But I don’t think mentioning it on here is unreasonable and I’m sorry the two posters above seem to think not “snitching” on a nanny is more important than a baby’s welfare.
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nvmof3
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby nvmof3 » Mon Oct 11, 2021 8:02 am

Good for you for following up.
I had a new au pair who was seen by a friend sitting on the bench looking at her phone while my child was stuck at the top of the climbing frame.
The friend knew my son so went and helped him get down and the nanny didn’t even notice.
I was really grateful to my friend for telling me and was able to spend some time teaching the au pair about safety etc and she went on to be a fab au pair.
It also taught my au pair to be more responsible as she realised she could never know who might recognise my kids and report back.
Good nannies won’t be worried by this post, but I hope the sloppy ones read it and realise they should up their game as the mums have each others’ backs.
As for parent/nanny divide, I worked as a nanny in my youth and went on to be a parent so saw from both sides. When you are a parent and you invite a kid over to play, you are also hoping for company for you from someone who is walking in similar shoes, ie parenting a similar aged child. I found it disappointing when a child turned up with its nanny not its mum for a play date, even if the nanny was lovely as they are not likely to want to become your friend given that they may not live locally, they have their own life outside work, and are just there to do their job. I think it is unreasonable to expect there not to be a distinction between parents and nannies.
I hope the mum sees your post.
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NannySal
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby NannySal » Mon Oct 11, 2021 8:05 am

dudette, I think the first two posters were just making the point that IF the original poster was that concerned why didn’t they go up to the parent/nanny/childcare provider at the time? You admit yourself that the babies welfare was the most important thing! Instead they waited for 3 hours before sitting down and posting on this site! Which isn’t going to help the baby in question.

ClaphamCommonPlayground, the other point I also question as did Juliabee is how did you know the person in charge of the baby was a nanny? Also how did you know the other person that she called over was a nanny/childcare provider?! It’s amazing how quickly on this site that Nannies are assumed to be in charge when a baby or child is not being treated well. From my experience when I was a nanny for many many years, there were just as many parents who had questionable ways of treating their children! 

Perhaps walking over to the lady in question and just checking she was okay, might of been more useful. As a parent yourself starting up a conversation and talking about your experience might of helped this lady, who might well of been a first time mum? Or perhaps a mum of a few children? Was the other lady in fact HER nanny/childcarer?

I think the main point is I believe you posted because you felt upset by what you saw and hopefully if it was a childcarer then the parents might see this and be able to check that all is okay with their choice of childcare. However this might equally be read by a first time mum, who will now feel like she has been watched and judged! Which isn’t going to help at all.

I think everyone should learn to be more compassionate towards others. Whether that was a mum, nanny or childcarer doesn’t matter. If that baby crying went on long enough for you to be this upset then it was your responsibility as a caring person to walk over and just see if everything was okay! Just think for a minute how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot! 

Ratski, I’m sorry to read of your experience in the Clapham are and of yours too Juliabee. But pleased to here you have both found new places to live and work! Wishing you both all the best. I as a Nanny found certain areas of London more friendly towards Nannies than others! However there is no need for posts like this and it’s certainly not been the first time someone has posted criticising a Nanny, without knowing for certain it is a Nanny!! Let’s all try and be kind to each other, at the end of the day whether you are a parent, nanny or childcarer we all want the same thing, for the children to be safe and well.
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Foreignmummy
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby Foreignmummy » Mon Oct 11, 2021 9:33 am

I agree with the other posters - if the baby was that distressed, you should have addressed the situation then and there and perhaps ask if you could help. We never know the full story.
And I would also have to agree with the first two posters about the nanny / parent divide in Clapham. Despite over two decades of living in the UK I still have a strong foreign accent. My children, born here, speak with perfect British accents. When I'm out with them, most people assume I'm a nanny and treat me very differently. Many simply ignore me and some speak to me like I'm simple and uneducated. When they then discover that I'm in fact a mum, educated and, oh dear, have children in really good schools, they change their tone and speak to me as if I were their equal. It happens quite a lot and makes me feel immensely sad. While I love living in Clapham, this is one aspect that makes me very disappointed.
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Vicki W
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby Vicki W » Mon Oct 11, 2021 10:09 am

It would have been better I think to deal with the situation directly. Simply walking over to the baby and calling for the parent/carer would have made their behaviour visible. It also would have left the baby feeling responded to. You could follow up with a post here to alert the parents if you felt, having spoken to the carer, that this was an attitude problem. Either way, if any of us see an infant in distress, it's on all of us to be the change we want to see and step in rather than away.
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stickystick2
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby stickystick2 » Mon Oct 11, 2021 11:14 am

I don’t blame OP for not intervening at the time. I have very rarely seen a case where someone has intervened in someone else’s parenting/nannying in real time and it has worked out well. You will nearly always get yelled/sworn at.
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dudette
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby dudette » Mon Oct 11, 2021 11:35 am

Foreignmummy - I'm sorry you feel sad about the way people talk to you but it's just people being human. They aren't being rude. There are so many foreigners in London and some of them have superb English as you clearly do and some of them struggle to communicate and there are plenty in between. When you first meet someone with a foreign accent you don't know which category they fall into so it's easier to speak slowly at first until you can gauge how good someone's English is. It's not altogether surprising that people think you're a nanny as the great majority of nannies round here are foreigners, and it's not surprising that people don't want to be make the effort to be friends with a nanny as nvmof3 points out - nannies firstly have their own circle of friends, secondly aren't usually parents so don't have the same interests and concerns as parents do, and thirdly often move jobs quite a lot so are hard to develop a deep long-lasting friendship with. We all of us make superficial judgements about people when we meet them based on what they look like and how they speak. As we get to know them we revise our views. Please don't be surprised or upset that it happens to you. It happens to everyone in one way or another. 
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chorister
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby chorister » Mon Oct 11, 2021 11:42 am

dudette ... nothing really to do with this thread, but your comment is both interesting and true.  It's called "stereotyping", and it's part of human nature - so next time we hear about it in relation to other more toxic issues let's recognise it for what it is and not get stressed or offended.
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Londontownlady
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby Londontownlady » Tue Oct 12, 2021 12:27 pm

I can’t believe some people are having a go at the original poster.. Let’s not forget that some people may not feel confident or equipped to directly have those conversations. The OP obviously felt bad, and on reflection decided to take action, should they be on trial for that? No, of course not.

Thank you for reporting it OP, it’s the right thing to do. Even if it was an innocent mistake on the mum/nanny/auntie/whoever’s part to let the baby cry then maybe that person will learn something out of it or maybe the OP didn’t Judge the situation correctly and the situation was under control, we’re unlikely to ever know.. either way it’s best to report these things then not
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Starr
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby Starr » Tue Oct 12, 2021 1:06 pm

This happened when I was a new mum but I didn't notice the neglect from the nanny but other nannies did and 1 approached the mother in law at a playgroup and told her.
I think it's great they did that because as a nanny not engaging with a small child and occupying oneself on the phone is emotionally neglectful and also dangerous
To others saying they never talk to nannies and au pairs, I find that sad and quite snobby.
I often found myself chatting to nannies and au pairs and believe it or not they are very interesting and often highly educated people often from another country. I'm still in touch with the nanny who approached the mother In law of the neglected toddler. She's lovely and funny and witty.
I also find some of the mums and dads in London are quite narrow in who they want to speak to. I find it very weird tbh. To be in London and to ignore people who aren't immediately like you is just odd.
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Starr
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Re: Concerned about care of a baby in Clapham Common playground (4.30 today)

Postby Starr » Tue Oct 12, 2021 1:12 pm

I know someone who used to be a nanny to a TV presenter for many years. She now has 3 children of her own. She is still in touch with the now older children she used to look after and regularly sees them a few times a year. I find that lovely. Sorry just as an aside, people need to respect all the fantastic people in these roles and absolutely report those who neglectful and don't really want to be doing their job.
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