Postby ally30_1998 » Tue May 30, 2023 11:31 am
We did this for 5 years on and off with various sets of young people in the family, because being in london there was simply more opportunities here for internships, finding work and so on. Personally, my attitude is if you have one or two already then a few more doesn't really make a huge amount of difference except in terms of food and showers.
With regard to boundaries for behavior, i think it depends on how old your nephew is. If he is an adult then absolutely he should have the same boundaries as your kids. If he is younger and possibly needs more boundaries, then that is up to you and how you feel about policing that, because it can quickly become a pain, especially if they turn out to be at the getting drunk and puking stage.
Luckily I only had to deal with that with my son and my nephew (and nephew had one chance then the next time he did it i banned him from staying again, similarly stopped allowing sons friends to crash when they were going through this stage. No problem with their experimentation but I do draw the line at having to regularly supervise teenagers clearing up sick)
It sounds like he is an adult so of course he should be treated as any adult in your home, but just be in mind that if he has come from a rigid parenting household he is likley to spend at least the first term going slightly mad from having so much freedom and you may have scenes as i describe above to contend with. Once they have partners they do calm down considerably in my experience.
To be honest I'd be more worried about your sister, she sounds like a potential back seat driver and no one needs that. I think just lay it out, in a text maybe so no one can claim they didnt know, that you are happy to have him but he will live by your house rules. Also, are you going to charge for any board? Is he going to work while he is at college? My point is that if he is getting a grant or earning anything he should pay something to you - even if you just put it in a savings account to pass back when he needs it for a large purchase (i did this with all of them).
All that said, assuming you didnt agree to this before he applied, you can just say no and he can come for sunday lunch as suggested above.
Good luck whatever you do. I enjoyed having the younger relatives staying, it was great to see them enjoying London - its a fantastic place if you are young (and reasonanbly solvent).