Husband wants to go on holiday on his own

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Minatoku
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Re: Husband wants to go on holiday on his own

Postby Minatoku » Tue Jun 02, 2015 3:03 pm

I will definitely let him go and I understand his point of view even though I am a woman. It is probably a 'once in a lifetime' opportunity and this is probably how he sees it. In exchange you can also do a lot of WE on your own or with your friends when he comes back.
I agree that it can be a bit selfish but this is how men are.
In fact, when my husband was on garden leave a few years ago and even though I had a busy full time job and 2 young children to look after, I was the one to suggest him to travel to Asia. He was surprised by the offer and went, had the best time and was delighted to come back. He did not go for 4 months though but 4 weeks.
Good luck with your decision !
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dodgypinz
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Re: Husband wants to go on holiday on his own

Postby dodgypinz » Tue Jun 02, 2015 3:07 pm

I think maybe I am going to be a bit of a voice in the wilderness. I don't see this as "letting" him go. To me it is a given that couples always try to support and facilitate each other to achieve their dreams. If this is important to him I feel you need to sit down and find ways to make it possible for you both . Certainly a nanny and domestic help to support you with the practicalities. Maybe a friend or relative to stay with you part of the time. Plan some lovely holidays for you and the children (with nanny and or friend/s), maybe to places and activities you wouldn't suggest with your husband.
Remember there is Skype so the children will be able to keep in touch.
One thought is if you and his secretary insulate him from the practicalities of life ( I smiled when I read your description of him jumping into the cab with his bag packed by you etc!); then having to plan his travel and pack his own backpack may be an eye opener for him.
If you can see this as a new experience for you both, and not in a spirit of tit for tat, but ensure you plan to fulfil some of your desires too.
My other suggestion is to plan some time together without the children and to do some kind of couples counselling to ensure you are both content with the way your life together is going. I have been married a long time and had a big family and worked too so am well aware of how easy it is to take one another for granted/make assumptions about what the other is thinking or feeling. Over the years we have had 2 bouts of couples counselling and benefitted enormously from both. My husband was very reluctant the first time but we learned so much he was very happy with the outcome. I know we are a stronger couple as a result.
I do hope you can find a way to see this as a positive for you both.
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Minatoku
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Re: Husband wants to go on holiday on his own

Postby Minatoku » Wed Jun 03, 2015 10:47 pm

I am surprised by the amount of people suggesting counselling.
Is that so strange to wish to travel on your own ? Does that automatically means the marriage is having problems ?
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Whistler
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Re: Husband wants to go on holiday on his own

Postby Whistler » Thu Jun 04, 2015 8:59 am

Thought I'd reply to your post as some of my friends have told me about it this week!

About four years ago, my husband told me that he wanted to go away for a few weeks and drive across India. My children were 7, 5 and 3 at the time. I said "no".

Having not realised it at the time, this has now come back to haunt me. I hadn't realised his "need" to have space and how important it was for him to have some "time out". We are now getting divorced.

He constantly throws my decision to not let him have "space" back in my face and sites it as one reason, albeit random in my opinion, that we are now separated.

I guess the moral of this story is, therefore, that perhaps a compromise can be made and don't be too hasty to say no. My (now ex) husband has recently told my children that he now intends to travel the world for six months in the near future... Mid life crisis or not, it's definitely worth being "open minded" at this stage rather than denying him the chance to go.
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clareHip
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Re: Husband wants to go on holiday on his own

Postby clareHip » Thu Jun 04, 2015 11:03 am

Wow! I'm rarely left speechless but that just about caps it! Sorry, you must now be sick of reading that your husbands a complete Ar*e, but there you have it! Not sure I can add anything more than has been said already except to verify that you are completely justified in feeling outraged. As someone has said already, he may have 6 months off work but he doesnt get to have 6 months off being a father. I wonder how he might feel if you declared that you wanted six months off? Clearly you need a week away as he looks after the kids ON HIS OWN, so that he understands what a hard slog it is!
Having said all of that, it is wonderful when your partner recognises your needs and is considerate to them. Perhaps he does feel burnt out and needs some space for reflection - so let him have it - for a couple of weeks - and then go and join him 'en famille' and have the trip of a lifetime. One that your children will remember for ever.... and what a great Dad they had (they know Mum is already!)
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2x2
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Re: Husband wants to go on holiday on his own

Postby 2x2 » Thu Jun 04, 2015 11:05 pm

What about he goes off for two month and then you go off for two.
It would be an idea for you to go first so after about a week he would most certainly cAll you begging to come back and therefore would not be able to go for his two months :evil: :evil:
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jamesandsons
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Re: Husband wants to go on holiday on his own

Postby jamesandsons » Sun Jun 07, 2015 11:15 pm

If it was to climb Anapurna or row the Atlantic, but "travelling", how juvenile... bet you can't wait 'til he comes back describing everything as "Awesome!"
Hope he grows up, and realises that his family is his life, and the best bit too.
Good luck,
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Harbut
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Re: Husband wants to go on holiday on his own

Postby Harbut » Wed Jun 17, 2015 3:04 pm

Did the guy in question bugger off solo in the end?
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