I am a mother to a 3 month old baby. Recently, I found out that my husband has been frequenting escorts and sex clubs. It sounds unbelievable but sadly true.
I have always had trust issues with him, as he feels he doesn't need to tell me where he goes, yet keeps constant tabs on me. This has always been a sore point with us, but I decided to trust him. Especially as we have now had our first child together and he is usually a wonderful husband and father, that I would have no worries.
Anyway, I did the dreaded relationship killer move...I checked his phone. I found msgs from a friend of his, who I have never met, talking about how they had a great time at a club they went to. I searched the name online and found it to be a sex club. This was so shocking to me and my immediate reaction was to confront him, however after thinking LONG AND HARD about everything, I tried to look at the bigger picture. I naively thought that just because he had gone along to this club with his friend, it didn't mean that he actually partook in anything. I have no proof. Secondly, I looked at his phone. I would never have known otherwise.
My main priority however is our child. Although I am disgusted of the thought of what he's getting up to, so soon after the birth of our child, I thought that although I would love to leave my husband, now that I have a child, I have to think about them and I really don't want my child to come from a broken family. So I kept silent...I didn't say anything and my husband is none the wiser.
However, last week he mentioned that he needed to go out. I became suspicious as he was shady on the details. Prior to this, he bought me a gift for no reason except that I'd been a 'great mother and wife'. It seems so cliched now. Anyway, once he returned I went through his phone again and found a text giving him an address. I made a note of the phone number and typed it into Google and found that it was an escort service. I felt sick to my stomach and this time it was really difficult for me to hide my disgust. I immediately became cold with him.
He suspected something was wrong and kept asking if I was ok, to which i responded 'yes' despite wanting to punch him in his face.
He then became withdrawn and moody, that i was in a bad mood! What a bloody cheek! I later looked through his phone and saw that he had deleted the text message. So either he suspected I went through his phone or he just thought it best to erase all evidence.
I gave him the gift back, as I now knew it was purely down to guilt. I didn't make a scene, just that it was not necessary to give me a gift for no real reason. He seemed surprised but accepted my decision.
I FEEL TOTALLY LOST!
I want to leave him. I want out. I work and earn a decent salary, but am on maternity leave, so I am not financially dependent on him. But all i can think about is our child. I desperately dont want to affect his life.
I hate myself because if it was a friend or anyone else, I would be telling them to leave. But now i'm in this position, i see that it's not so easy. I am totally gutted that he's done this, so soon after the most wonderful thing in our lives happened to us.
I don't understand, as my sex drive has always been higher than my husbands! But now I'm questioning everything. I have been nothing but a good understanding wife to him and a great mother to our child, who I love more than anything. He has always loved that I don't nag him or stress him out, so why is he doing this?!
He's still a nice person, which is why this is hard. I know for a fact, not a single person would believe me if I told them. I am keeping this all to myself because I can't talk to anyone, even my best friend. I feel humiliated and know that my friends would tell me to leave him.
He thinks I'm an idiot...I'M NOT! I want him to know what I know, but he will somehow make out I am ruining the family by being nosey and looking through his phone.
I hate him but i have to pretend to carry on.
This is killing me inside but hopefully it will make me stronger. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right??