Drink driving with a child

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Petrolhead2015
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Drink driving with a child

Postby Petrolhead2015 » Wed Jul 06, 2016 1:45 am

I posted in 2015 regarding my unhappiness and negative relationship with alcohol. Since then I have made a number of steps to help my self improvement. I would like to say it all helped. However, today I look back and I have spent a great deal of time looking at my drinking habits, monitoring my drinking habits, very rarely enjoying drinking and as a result have continued to use drinking as my back bone and as escapism on a massively reduced level. I have continued to attend AA meetings. I did not speak as I considered myself a person with alcohol issues but not an alcoholic.This week that changed.

Last week I drank in the day, which is not my normal practice, got in my car with my child and crashed. Breathalised, arrested and now have impending court appearance.

I cannot explain how devastated I feel. I put my child's life at risk and others. My child was unhurt.

I have spoken to my child's nursery who inturn have prepared a report and will also write a character reference, my church who will write a reference for me, the councillors /charity who helped me last year, and a professional good friend of mine.

I cannot explain how I feel and am finding it difficult to deal with my dismay and disappointment.

I do not know how to deal with stress other than drink.

I am at a loss.
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KatherineHepburn
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby KatherineHepburn » Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:19 am

Petrolhead2015 - my heart goes out to you.

Although AA can be very effective I imagine that you need more structured support and therapy.

I work using CBT, Mindfulness and Hypnotherapy, all very effective to discover why you are relying heavily on alcohol and to discover the triggers for this behaviour.

I'll PM you. Hang on in there.
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NYE31
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby NYE31 » Wed Jul 06, 2016 11:08 am

I really, really think that you need to stop drinking for the rest of your life, this should be your wake up call. There is lots of support out there, for the sake of your child, you & your loved ones, please seek it.
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supergirl
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby supergirl » Wed Jul 06, 2016 11:37 am

I am sorry for you but others have said you absolutely need to take it as your wake up call.
I am going to sound harsh for a second because i will tell you that your first step needs to be taking responsibility for what you ve done. You brought it on yourself.

Well done for writing your post, you are recognising the facts so you are heading in the right direction. It is time for you to be courageous because your journey to recovery will be long and bumpy. Recognise that and get any help you can: counselling, friends and family. Your friends and family will rally if you are being honest with yourself and with them, dont shy away from your responsibilities. You owe to yourself and to those who loves you esp. Your child.

Stop drinking. Forever. For sometimes you will be worst. Dependency which AA and a counsellor will help you with. Coping with stress: you say you cant without a drink but you can you need re-learn other strategies. Self esteem: you probably dont believe you can do it. Only you can. And when you look back on this dark phase of your life you will feel stronger than ever.

Good luck. You sounds like a very brave woman. Sx
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Petrolhead2015
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby Petrolhead2015 » Wed Jul 06, 2016 6:05 pm

Thank you for your comments.

I cannot put into words the pain and guilt that I feel towards my child.

KatherineHepburn I have not received anything from you. Should I be looking on NV or my personal email?
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KatherineHepburn
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby KatherineHepburn » Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:37 pm

It should be in your NVN inbox. Did you find it yet? I'll double check that it sent ok.
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Fruisli
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby Fruisli » Sat Jul 09, 2016 12:10 pm

Hi Petrolhead,

I think you've done a very brave thing in facing up to the situation your alcohol addiction has put you in. It sounds like you're feeling incredibly frightened right now but hang in there!

As others have said, going back to AA is a great first step but I would also suggest finding a therapist to talk to - CBT can be really helpful in managing a problem but for something longer term, which will hopefully help you get to the root of why you drink, try the BACP website http://www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/ - you can put in your postcode and what you're looking for help with, and it will give you a list of therapists in your area. Alternatively, try The Awareness Centre on Abbeville Road or WPF at London Bridge, both of whom may be able to help.
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NoodleFan
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby NoodleFan » Mon Jul 11, 2016 6:38 am

I have friends who have been where you are and come out the other side. This only happened when they accepted that they can NEVER drink again. EVER.

You've been given a second chance. You might not get a third or fourth so please take it.

Best of luck. You CAN do it. X
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Outofnappies
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby Outofnappies » Mon Jul 11, 2016 7:35 am

Good Morning - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
You are an incredibly brave person for writing so public with 'this' issue - it is not 'Your' issue - you really are not alone!
You sound totally exhausted - but don't beat yourself up and think by going so public that someone will say something horrible to you and that you deserve to feel so bad about yourself and invite punishment.
Thankfully everyone has written some very positive
Although just a little word with 'Supergirl' - I'm sure Petrolhead knows that she 'brought it in herself' although you don't know what has brought all the stress on that makes her drink - also surely by her honesty, she has totally taken on responsibility, but doesn't know how to control her stress.
I don't know the answers - I wish I did! Although one little tip to try and help is - identify the trigger times that you know you would like a drink. For insance I've discovered that between 4pm - 6pm is when I know I'd like a drink. Think of that craving as a wave - it rises up but will break, it will come up again - but eventually it will become weaker. Good luck xx
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wildatheart
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby wildatheart » Mon Jul 11, 2016 8:51 am

Since this is now in writing, be aware that social services could see it and remove your child. If you have decided to be 100% alcohol free FOREVER with the support of AA and some form of therapy, that would be taken account of in their assessment.

To lose your child would be devastating. Children are removed and one more slip could be that moment.

I do hope it doesn't come to that.
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GWcouns
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby GWcouns » Mon Jul 11, 2016 9:49 am

Dear Petrolhead,

My heart goes out to you - your distress and sense of shame are palpable in your post.

Alcohol dependence is a very complex matter - alcohol does have addictive properties but more often than not it is not an addiction to alcohol that needs addressing but the underlying depression/avoidance of long-standing emotional problems.

AA is absolutely invaluable in helping people live clean and sober lives - I have a couple of friends who say they literally owe their lives to the fellowship they have received at regular meetings and by working throughout the 12 steps.

However I think it may be very important for you to have some one to one work in order to really explore what it might be that the alcohol is being used for, what it is anaesthetising. I am a counsellor and psychotherapist, and whilst I am not writing this post to suggest my own services, I am plugged into a large network of professionals, some of whom have extensive experience in matters of emotional distress and substance misuse. If you would like me to make any suggestions please PM me. Otherwise there are some many online directories - www.counselling-directory.org.uk itsgoodtotalk.org.uk http://www.ukcp.org.uk/16/information/h ... -therapist

There is also the option of a residential treatment but this would depend on your ability to have help with your child, and of course finances - although many health care plans will cover a period of in-patient treatment

Try not to be too hard on yourself - think about showing yourself the same compassion and understanding as you would you offer to a close friend who is going through what you are.

Take care and please do contact me if I can offer any further assistance

I wish you the very best of luck for the future
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Petrolhead2015
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby Petrolhead2015 » Mon Jul 11, 2016 2:14 pm

Thank you for all your posts and PMs.

My child is doing well and no longer talks about the accident and accepts that Mummy no longer has a car.

I continue to attend AA meetings and am getting to know the faces. The meetings are quite emotionally charged and I have to admit I was not using the meetings in the correct manner. I am now.

I have communicated with KatherineHepburn and GWcouns.

I am in court next week and am terrified. I accept I will be banned from driving but am petrified of a custodial sentence.

I appreciate all your messages.

Will continue to keep you updated.
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Petrolhead2015
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby Petrolhead2015 » Mon Jul 11, 2016 2:42 pm

Hello again.

Wildatheart I just wanted to say that the Duty Solicitor advised me that Social Services would be contacted. This was something I did not even think about. Yes, I am now aware they could take my child just as much as I could get a custodial sentence. The next day my husband and I went to my child's nursery and told them everything. The manager was extremely shocked and yet incredibly supportive.

I gave her as much facts as I could about my past and she in turn contacted the Child Protection Agency as she is also the Safeguarding Manager. In addition they offered to have my child full time as well without any additional cost whilst we go through this time.At first I was very wary of this but now very appreciative.

To date (from 1st July to 11th July) we have heard nothing from SS which is good and not good. But they say patience is a virtue and good things happen to those who wait........
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tomandbobby
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby tomandbobby » Mon Jul 11, 2016 5:48 pm

Addiction is a disease where it's all about me me me. You were lucky not to have killed someone else's child as well as your own.
Grow some small pototes and look after your child and not put other people's lives in danger by your recklessness and selfishness. I know three families that were given life sentences by drinke drivers when they had their loved ones murdered by these selfless drunks.
Sorry for being harsh but the intoxicated drivers life's continued aferwards but not for their innocent victims.
Maybe you should go and meet a family that has lost a loved one due to some selfish person that decided to go behind a wheel drinking alcohol.
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Outofnappies
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Re: Drink driving with a child

Postby Outofnappies » Mon Jul 11, 2016 6:43 pm

For Heavens' Sake - this incredibly honest, lady is clearly suffering enough. She sounds wrecked with guilt and shame. Thank God nobody was hurt - otherthan herself and her family. She needs support to help give her the strength to change and heal NOT be reprimanded! Of course it's very tragic what had happened to your friends - but be fair, it's not this lady's fault. Direct your emotions at the guilty people responsible. This lady is clearly a good mother, who has made an irresponsible, error of judgement. Otherwise she would have no conscience or show any regrets, which is indisputably obvious that she has.
Please get this into perspective. sadly she is not the first to drink and drive nor the last.
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