Husband invited his dad on our family holiday without asking Post Reply

[toffeeapple]

My husband came back from visiting his father at the weekend and announced that had invited him to join us on our family holiday in France.. I feel really mean as he is very kind but I just want it to be the four of us (we have 2 young children). I am really cross with my husband. He says that he wouldn't have done it if he had known I would be against it but he thought it would be fine as he knows I am fond of his father. I am assuming that there's not really a way out of this and that I should just make the most of it? Any advice very welcome.
Thankyou.

[rubyonrails]

I would think that you should probably embrace. Possibly use to your advantage, a couple of nights or even a days babysitting?  My only advice would be to make sure that your husband knows that is still your holiday too and that you don't expect him to disappear off to entertain his father.  A good friend of mine found herself being a golf widow when they took her FIL along on a holiday with them. 

[saltandpepper]

I'm not sure that I agree. Im not sure how many holidays you take each year, but, if this is your main family holiday then I think that it should stay that way. Maybe ask your husband to suggest that you all go away a little later in the summer for a long weekend or something. I appreciate that your husband wants him to be happy but holidays really are precious times. If you have a typical busy London life my personal feeling is that every family needs a little together time away from it all. 

[dudette]

This is a really tricky one as to do anything about it now you’re going to have to look like the bad guy and you don’t want it to affect your relationship with him. It’s totally outrageous that your husband asked him without consulting you and your FIL may be surprised too. I’m inclined to say you should do it just this once for the sake of family harmony but then you create an expectation for next year and if you don’t ask him again he may think he did something wrong. Maybe you could find a long weekend to go away somewhere with him instead to soften the blow and this would be more of a one-off. In any case I think your husband needs to do the explaining! You won’t enjoy the holiday if you’re feeling resentful about him being there so you need to get it sorted.

[Wuzalina]

Yeah fine be annoyed with your husband and make a pact that neither of you arranged for someone else to come on holiday again but just suck it up. If he is a kind man and a good grandad I don’t even think that is a big ask. Your husband won’t get time with him again when he is dead and neither will your kids so a week away really does not sound like a lot to give someone special.

As for the “busy London life” replies - ffs. No wonder people feel isolated if even family takes this line.

[Beancounter]

You haven’t said if it’s hotel or self-catering. What would bother me is lack of privacy with another adult in the house if it’s self-catering. And you’ll end up doing all the work. Do you have an elderly relative of your own you can invite along to keep him company?

[BunnyB]

Oh give poor Grandad a break! He didn’t ask to be invited and if you now try to retract your husband’s invitation or change it to a weekend in Bognor in October you will damage your relationship with him for ever. There is no tactful way out of this so you may as well accept that. I’m sure your kids love Grandad and will enjoy having him along. Give it a go, it doesn’t need to be repeated next year and you might even find you are glad to have his company. Be a bit charitable and stop being angry with your husband. He was a bit tactless but I’m sure he’s learned his lesson by now.