How can I stop my wife using the joint credit card?

6 posts
scrooge
Options:
Share this post on:

How can I stop my wife using the joint credit card?

Postby scrooge » Thu Nov 19, 2020 3:25 pm

I realise this is like something out of 1950's Britain but I feel it may be the only way.

We're having a bit of a tough time right now. I'm in work, and I know many others aren't, but with no bonuses our savings have taken a big hit. I have asked my wife if we can keep Christmas on the more modest side regarding spending. She seemed to agree wholeheartedly but the huge amount of things piling up in our sitting room made me ask her last night how much she had spent so far. In excess of £1000!! And she's not finished.

I want to take our joint credit card away to stop her spending any more without running it by me first. To be blunt we just can't afford a Christmas this expensive.

She seems to have taken it out of context and now says that this is abuse, when before she seemed happy, but I really don't know what to do.
Post Reply
Ramaboo
Posts: 39
Joined: Dec 2017
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: How can I stop my wife using the joint credit card?

Postby Ramaboo » Thu Nov 19, 2020 5:43 pm

I dont' mean to be rude, but this sounds like a bigger problem in your marriage. It's meant to be a partnership??
I've been the wife not working to a husband with a larger salary - and I never spent on the C card without it being ok'd first. 

The fact that she 'now says that this is abuse,' suggests something bigger. Sit her down for a serious chat about money, then ask her if there is anything other than money bothering her you need to discuss. It's not unreasonable that a 2020 Christmas would be leaner than other Christmases, that's true for many, even in comfortable nappy valley. Surely she'll see that? Good luck
Post Reply
RuthNewman
Posts: 5
Joined: Nov 2020
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: How can I stop my wife using the joint credit card?

Postby RuthNewman » Thu Nov 19, 2020 11:20 pm

yeah, bigger problem than money is being observed here, good luck with solving it, it's high time!
Post Reply
blackandblue
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: How can I stop my wife using the joint credit card?

Postby blackandblue » Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:17 am

I empathise.

I think very possibly your explanation of what you meant by a more modest Xmas is different to her's. You may not have explained it properly or in enough detail or she may simply may not have understood.

I would have thought that this might be a good place to start?

At this stage I am sure things can returned to reduce the financial burden>
Post Reply
Kds2020
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: How can I stop my wife using the joint credit card?

Postby Kds2020 » Mon Nov 23, 2020 6:16 am

I think you need to have a chat and be clear about a budget.

I can understand how she might feel offended and upset at your proposal of taking the joint card away!

To give some perspective, I normally work a little bit but my husband definitely is the main source of finances in our family. Some time ago, we needed to re-budget, and I felt very sad and offended when one day he started repeatedly asking questions like ‘do we need this?’ ‘We don’t need this, do we?’ at several items of random grocery shopping or toys I had bought for the kids. I found this approach highly irritating. In my head, I thought ‘if we didn’t need it, why would I buy it?’. After a few days/weeks of this, I confronted him and said what is the problem!?!....and he finally said he wants to stop working for a year so would ideally like us to spend less. All legitimate reasons for taking a career break and so I then understood his intentions but totally disagreed with his strategy. I will never forget his, in my view, insensitive approach.

I am a reasonable adult. If we need to re-budget, tell me clearly. Each relationship is different though. If the joint card is the only means through which your wife can spend money, then I can see why taking it away can be interpreted as a form of abuse; it demonstrates she cannot spend/survive without your financial support, it demonstrates how much control you have over her and with a little catastrophic thinking on her part may create an unnecessary and unintentional fissure in your relationship.

So, perhaps it is easier to say to your wife, X is how much we can afford per week/month etc. And perhaps ask her how much she would like to spend, how much you can currently afford and does she have any ideas or suggestions on what your budget should be/how you can afford to maintain the lifestyle she wants? Involve her and help her understand where you are coming from.

Also, depending upon your financial set up, taking the joint card away may not resolve your problems- I just put lots of stuff on my personal card which I then paid for anyway with our money (this was before we had our chat).

So, set out clear boundaries rather than taking the joint card away. Taking the joint card away, for some, may be symbolic of a withdrawal of more than your financial support Ie trust, respect etc. All you are doing is re-negotiating it’s terms of use so that you as a family do not end up spending that which you don’t have, so that you can all remain happy - I think most wives would agree with and support that sentiment. Good luck.
Post Reply
supergirl
Posts: 1247
Joined: May 2011
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: How can I stop my wife using the joint credit card?

Postby supergirl » Mon Nov 23, 2020 12:04 pm

I agree with others you have a bigger problem than using the credit card but easily solved if you are two reasonable adults in a partnership.

You need to sit down with her and discuss openly the finances: where you are cash wise this end of year and what is your expected cash flow for next year. Then discuss what are your planned outgoing including spend like holidays, birthdays, reno if any, etc.

Agree where you should BOTH cut down: if she cuts down on xmas, where could YOU cut down?

Then agree a budget and a house budget.

Then stick at it.

Including in the house budget should be her own spend albeit maybe leaner this year?

You should also have discussed a xmas budget.

I m your wife in this scenario however I manage the run of the house and all other budgets related to our living, my husband manages the rest but everything is transparent. That way, we trust and recognise each other spends. The big ones like renovation or furniture is always pre agreed by both.

You must man up and trust your wife so start talking instead of winging 😉
Post Reply