(pointless) family inheritance Post Reply

[LavenderH]

Hi,

Disclaimer: I have always wondered who posted such personal situations in here but I have a very specific problem for which none of my network has any experience with so I am willing to give this a try.

My partner and his siblings received an inheritance from a relative a few years ago. It is not what you would consider direct inheritance, as in it is not his from his parents but an aunt they were close with. She didn't have any children but his cousins took issue with it and it started a very messy legal battle around it.

The assets are abroad and I am personally of the opinion none of it was worth anyone's trouble (economically speaking at least). While I was frank at the beginning of this ordeal that I would just arrange it for it to be equally split with whoever could have a claim to it, my opinion was completely ignored.

I decided to keep it to myself, since his parents and his siblings were all very much for fighting for the money and I could see this could create tensions in our little family unit which ultimately is the only thing I cared about. It has been a few years since the whole ordeal started, we have put significant money from our own savings in legal fees and it is still not resolved.

I am, for the most part, happy ignoring this problem which sucks a significant part of their energy (and some of our savings). It does come up, once in a full moon, as my partner knows I have never been onboard with this crusade of keeping some late relative's money. And when it does, it creates real issues for us as I simply cannot hide the fact that I think the whole thing is completely unnecessary as we have a good life without anyone's money and they could have benefitted from not cutting ties with their whole family. Not to mention wasting their lives and money in a legal battle.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any wisdom to share? Am I better off continuing to ignore this issue or should I once and for all force my partner to stay out of it for the sake of our family (which in turn will mean seriously disturbing the relationship he has with his parents and siblings)?

Thanks

[LavenderH]

PS. I do think they had originally the upper hand and the inheritance should have gone to them, as it was their aunt's wish. So morally at least it should have been theirs.
But just being practical since the others took issue with it, it has been a nightmare to get it. And I am not even sure if they would ever recover the money or even recoup the legal expenses.

[SW18_Dad]

Legals have a way of sucking you into arguing for what is ‘right’

Sometimes the thing that is ‘right’ is your sanity and life.

Unfortunately lawyers are generally very dishonest about wether a fight is worth it. And love throwing loads of useless, irrelevant and expensive letters at the other side.

When you analyse things they usually come down to a single piece of paper. Sometimes, a whole case hinges on, literally, a scrap of paper that nobody else thought was important. It is about not getting lost in the argument.

Fortunately/unfortunately (take your pick) I’ve litigated enough at work to form my own views on wether the fight is worth it!

You clearly have a good sense of when to exit a struggle: which I applaud.

I suspect you need to persuade your OT that it is a sunk cost fallacy to keep throwing money in.

[Will-I-Am]

I have personal experience of two similar situations.

Your partner's aunt is, of course, entitled to leave her money to whom she wants, but she was perhaps naive not to anticipate the bitterness of those she excluded. I am sympathetic to your partner's family, but the situation now needs to be resolved, and to do so they will have to concede something to the cousins.

Taking this all the way to court is likely to cost each side well in excess of £150k and will take years, as the courts are clogged up. Is your partner aware of the costs involved, even if he is successful? And it involves a lot of time and emotional energy while your family grows up.

You wisely said this: The assets are abroad and I am personally of the opinion none of it was worth anyone's trouble (economically speaking at least). While I was frank at the beginning of this ordeal that I would just arrange it for it to be equally split with whoever could have a claim to it, my opinion was completely ignored.

It sounds as though it is really worth going to mediation, which will still cost £5k-£20k+, but it will facilitate a rapid resolution. Mediation has a fixed date in the near future and creates a focal point for everyone to vent their feelings and frustrations, and the outcome is probably a split. It is not clear if your aunt had two siblings or more, but there are at least 5 cousins involved (your partner and at least 2 siblings, and at least 2 cousins). They could decide at mediation to divide it evenly across the number of cousins, or they could divide it instead across your aunt's own siblings and let them divvy it out to their children, the cousins.

An alternative solution could be to offer the cousins a sufficiently large sum for them to drop their objection. It's one thing to hold out for the promise of, say, £250k from a case which may or may not go your way. It's another to be offered, say, £30k to be paid directly into your ISA over the next month. A bird in the hand.

Re you and your partner:
From what you say the damage is already done to the relationship with the objecting cousins, so now it is about minimising the damage to you and your immediate family. Your partner's outrage and indignation are entirely understandable. However, the bigger picture is a major drain on your combined savings and on his precious time with you.

I would establish how much has been spent to date and add up the time, and define the duration. Then I would sit him down somewhere- not at home, change his perspective - lay out the facts first, what has been done and spent so far and what is likely to be done and spent into the future. Get him to say what he expects to get from his stance, financially and otherwise. Then explain to him the impact on you and how, with no end in sight, this is now having a detrimental impact on you, and on your relationship with him, to the extent that you have felt compelled to take this action to confront him. I would push him to encourage his family to mediate with the cousins, with a view to splitting the money, whether equally or not.

Wish you good luck.

[brihoney]

My mother always said, never fight with family over money, the lawyers are the only ones who benefit.
Its an age old story. Isn't it the plot of Dicken's Bleak House...

Good luck

[eb949013]

Money and particularly inheritance really does bring out the worst in people - someone always ends up feeling hard done by.

Spend it whilst your here, that's what I say!  

[dudette]

As brihoney quite rightly says - buy your husband a copy of Bleak House!