Registry for baby shower? Post Reply

[MJEL]

Good morning,
My friend is throwing my a baby shower. Is it bad taste for her to put a link to our baby registry on the invitation?
Thanks all!

[pie81]

Yes.

[graceygirl]

Not at all,

I got a registry list sent for my friends and I was relieved - now I can spend the money I was planning to spend on something she actually wants.

Just make sure there are multiple price points

[papinian]

Grabby grabby grabby. Utterly tasteless.

[graceygirl]

Why? People are going to buy gifts anyway usually?

I'd rather buy something wanted than not

[Balhammom]

I know mums-to-be do do this but personally I find it really difficult to justify.

My concerns stem from the fact that once you've been invited then it's really really hard NOT to buy a gift from the registry and then price points/brands etc are totally out of the givers control. I know the logical reply to this is that the only people who are invited are close friends but in reality that's not always the case. Neighbours/ work colleagues/ friends of partners can be invited and suddenly they're railroaded into expensive shopping.

I also tried to think about why a wedding is different and I think a wedding is more two way. There is a good chance at most weddings that myself and my partner are being fed and given free drinks for most of a day and that's pretty expensive - there is an implied exchange!

I think the only way it would work in my mind is if you know everyone is invited can afford and would want to pay and that can work but in a diverse society/ workplace/ city that might not always be case!

Sorry if this wasn't what yoU were looking for!

[pie81]

Lots of reasons, here are my main ones

Guests may prefer to get a gift once the baby is born - superstition, know the sex and name by then so can personalise the gift, etc. Also I prefer to hand over a gift when visiting the new baby. If I'd already given a gift at the baby shower, I might feel like I ought to get another one after the birth.

If a guest wants to be sure to buy something the mother wants, they can always ask her. It's not like a wedding with 100+ guests where it would be a pain if each guest asked "what would you like" - a baby shower will have far fewer guests.

Again in contrast to weddings, people may not be intending to buy a gift at all, and giving a list implies it's expected. (Whereas I think it always is expected for a wedding, so not so grabby to give a list).

Also if people are short of money (and especially if they have many friends having babies at the same time, which is common) they may want to buy a small gift - a £5 soft toy for example - I've yet to see a registry list that had many £5 items on it. Giving a list kind of implies gifts off the list are less welcome.

[supergirl]

I despair at the lack of manners our society in general is displaying.
Under the pretence of buying what someone has asked and want, now some people feel legitimate to ask for presents.

Where is gone the idea that you MAY receive a present, that it is the THOUGHT that is important.

What is more important to you? To have girlfriends around and have a little celebration and big laughs before baby comes or to have a shower the american way with presents that you have asked for?

Can you tell i found baby showers utterly tacky

[LP73]

I would say it's not the right thing nor accepted in the UK. Whilst I appreciate it does happen in the USA I feel that a baby shower is arranged for some fun and for friends of the lady to catch up with before the big day.
Some people bring gifts, others brings cakes. Whilst Pete Jones does have one it's rarely used.

[gail0810]

I would also say no - don't go there. Baby showers I think are becoming more common I understand (not the done thing a few years ago) and I would be very cross if I were invited to a baby shower or a christening and then presented with a list of 'gifts' to bring.

It seems rude and vulgar to me - almost like you are only inviting people to get presents in return - and most people attending such events would bring a gift or card anyway. The only time such lists are acceptable are at weddings when there is a significant financial outlay involved in inviting a guest.

[EthicsOfEJ]

This is interesting reading and frequently debated in my shop by parents-to-be! It seems the majority of Mums-to-be have baby showers these days and some have even had a few - colleagues, friends & family showers done separately for example!

I have only had a few people doing a wish list in the shop, but then get customers who have had babies and have ended up with 20 blankets or have had no toys etc and wish they had done a list.

I have suggested that people can always do a list here in the shop and if anyone asks, let them know there is a list of ideas as if nothing else, it shows the parents' taste and what they need.

One customer walked here (Balham) from Colliers Wood and after browsing for ages told me who she was buying for unaware her colleague had a list, she then looked at the list and realised many things on the list were things she was thinking of buying for her friend & colleague anyhow (the Mum-to-be had said she liked the shop to her!)

As someone who has bought many gifts for many babies, especially in the last 10 years or so, I personally find it helpful when there is a list or ideas are given and if there isn't one tend to buy something small for the Baby Shower/Blessing and something bigger when the baby is born.

[windmill26]

While replying to your question I am looking at a pile of Christmas presents that will end up on Ebay or at the charity shop...I wish we could have Christmas Gift Lists!
I am PRO list .If invited I would buy a gift and I rather buy something that is needed or I would give a gift card for John Lewis or Amazon.
I am from southern Europe and when invited to weddings/christening/confirmations etc.etc. we all know that if there is no list you will give money (sometimes money is expected even if there is a list! ).I know a baby shower is not like a christening or a wedding but a gift list saves time and money to the guest and it means that the Mum to be will not end up with 30 bibs and 10 blankets!

[DietCokefan]

I love the idea of meeting the mum prior to the baby arriving, but agree with other posters that the gift-expectation is a problem. I would always prefer to gift something to the parents after the birth, partly not wanting to tempt fate but also as I've often given personalised gifts.
The only baby shower I've actually attended was for my sister in law - for her I was happy to be generous with pre-baby gifts, particularly as post-birth I handed down much of our baby things. In principle I don't really like them. I would definitely agree with the poster who suggested making sure you give a gift receipt (and not being offended if the couple do change it!) My other preferred alternative is a token gift plus vouchers.

[NoodleFan]

I've only been to one as when my good friends were having babies it wasn't so popular. I agree with the posts comparing it to weddings. When you have a child it's not up to your friends to supply all the equipment.
What's wrong with the lovely idea of buying a baby outfit (with gift receipt of course). I do agree it's nice to have a get together but sitting round opening everything in front of everyone else is embarrassing for the not so good friends. People don't open their wedding presents in front of all the guests.

[little_mummy]

I personally don't agree with baby showers full stop and for those times I have been invited I have always bought something for mummy and not the baby. I know of people who have sadly lost babies at the end of pregnancy or have been in hospital for a long time and I think giving gifts before can cause more hurt later if something awful did happen. That's just me and I am superstitious (I never walk under a ladder!) I also didn't have a baby shower for either of mine.
It is lovely to receive gifts for your baby once they are born but I would NEVER expect my friends to buy a gift for my baby. Why should they? They do because they are my friends and everyone loves a cute little bundle of joy (any excuse to go over for a cuddle!)
If I received a gift list I would be annoyed, but I would buy something anyway as I would feel I had to. I would probably buy something personal again once the baby was born too but again feel annoyed I'd had to buy something before.
However, that's just me and I know a lot of people who are happy to do the American thing of a baby shower.
Good luck with everything