Teenagers - mobile phones Post Reply

[2kids1dog1husband]

Hi there,

Am I being unreasonable?

We have a no phones in bedroom policy - especially at night when my teenagers have to leave them in the kitchen when they go to bed. I also ask any other teenagers to leave their phones in the kitchen if they are here over night. My son thinks that this is really embarrassing as most of his friends are allowed their phones in their rooms at night. He feels awkward asking his fiends to leave them downstairs in the kitchen.

Any thoughts?

Thank you.

[tatabella]

I'm afraid yes you're being unreasonable especially when talking about teenagers.... you may have some very good reasons behind it but put yourself in their own shoes. You'd feel embarrassed too, at their age.

[twomonkeys]

My kids aren't that age yet but I plan to do exactly as you do. No discussion. I'll be following the lead of my sister who does the same.

If your teenager finds it embarrassing, tough! I think you'll find that many of his friends parents do the same and the teenagers are just not saying, just trying it on.

I imagine that there will be many things that I do as a parent as my children grow that they don't like or agree with (already are in fact!) but we are not there to please them, but to keep them safe and help them grow into well balanced young adults.

[Alchemy]

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask house guests to follow your established rules.

And as for "my friends are all allowed" -- in my experience, when you speak to their parents you'll find out it's not quite the case...

[sgmitch]

I agree this is a fantastic policy. Phones can be nice tools offering entertainment, efficiency, and convenience. But as with many new things, it now takes extra vigilance to avoid letting them take over our lives. Your policy will probably allow the kids to have more fun during the sleep over and they will probably remember remember this afterwards. I would do the same as you and hope to find other parents like you hosting sleep overs. I also expect this strategy will catch on as more people realize the importance of enjoying the moment and how much more difficult it has become to do so in today's environment.

[NoodleFan]

So difficult isn’t it. I would like to say stick to your guns as you have this great rule in place already. But then does your child get known for being the boring one at sleepovers?

Is it the fact they’ll be on them where you can’t see, or on them late at night?

How old is your son? 17 is very different to 13.

I am dreading these sorts of decisions. Good luck!

[NicQ]

Could you maybe just turn the WiFi off? That’s what my old boss used to do with his teenage girls. WiFi box was situated in his bedroom and when he went to bed he would switch it off. That way they still have their phones for photos, games etc.

Unless teenagers now have unlimited data with their phones... then that wouldn’t work at all.

I don’t look forward to having these issues in a few years time when mine are old enough!

[metoo]

We do this every night. Stick with it. Even now, months into the rule we still have smuggled devices (accidentally ) being left in bedrooms - it's so wearing. It really stretches out bedtime.
It's not foolproof as we've come down in the morning and found phones missing from plugs - obviously retrieved during the night or even at 5 in the morning one sleepy teen told me
We've just recently found out how to turn off the Wifi for individual devices which has helped a lot. Via the BT hub - it has done away with many arguments as they only converse via Snapchat or Insta....texting is lame don't you know!
The older teen has his Wifi on for 30 mins longer than the younger.
It doesn't help with downloaded games etc on tablets but it has been a big help for us.

[parsleysong]

I totally agree with you 2kids. My kids are younger but I don't let them take any gadgets to bed, otherwise they'll be on them all night and be shattered in the morning for school. Your rule of putting them on the kitchen table is a good one. I put my kids' wi-U's and other gadgets in my bedside table and they can't use them until the weeken. I'm terrified of my kids getting to teenager-hood what with online bullying and 24/7 social media so I'll be doing exactly the same as you.

I think it depends on how you enforce it - explain it, let them read newspaper articles about the dangers and appeal to their common sense rather than be draconian; make light of it when friends come over, i.e. "I know we sound like a wacky family, but ...". Perhaps the friends secretly admire your policy, like when I was growing up I was secretly impressed by families that had a no-TV rule, or didn't even own a tv whereas in my house the tv was on non-stop even during meals.

[Del]

Not unreasonable at all !! Well done and stick to the rule.
This is our rule at home too, however I find it hard to abbey to it when my 15 years old DD has some friends staying over, but I guess this is exceptional and rare occasions.
It is always a battle at home but I will stick to our rules!
Good luck

[CDSW11]

There are tons of articles and reports about mental health issues with teenagers nowadays and screens and phones are a BIG cause.
1- you are completely right to have some rules in your house and ask anyone coming to respect those. Kids usually understand that very well and are fine with this. It's less of a big deal than you think.
2- tatabella: how on earth can you let children take their phone in their bedroom? That means they never disconnect, they'll be tempted to be online rather than sleeping, and that is the most common cause of mental health issues. Do you want to risk your kids' mental health just because you can't be bothered to set a rule and ask to be respected by teenagers? It sounds like they tell you what they want to do, as opposed to you telling them where the limits are. You're the one who should be ashamed.

And for those who are interested, here is a link to have a look at https://youngminds.org.uk/

[tatabella]

@CDSW11

My kids don't take their phones in their bedrooms, none of us does at night time as we have discussed about implications ay the table. That's the difference. We don't impose things, we talk. My kids are almost 17 not 12, see the difference there?
How dare you telling me to be ashamed?? I've expressed my opinion. You might think different on this topic but you do not judge others. And that says a lot about you, really.