Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

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lastminutelarry
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Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby lastminutelarry » Fri Mar 24, 2023 11:05 am

Hi there,

I'm pregnant with my 2nd and would like to consider a homebirth. I was induced for my first birth  - obviously won't be able to have a home birth if I get to that stage again, but assuming I don't am keen but my husband isn't. He's worried and probably scared and not keen on having a waterbath put up in the living room or bedroom and argues that none of the doctors we know would have a homebirth or let their partner have a homebirth - which is true.

Before I make a decision either way, I want to be properly informed and wondered if anyone could advise on what to read / who to speak to. Are there groups you can go to or anything like that?? 

Thanks so much
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Reflexologyclapham
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Re: Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby Reflexologyclapham » Mon Mar 27, 2023 7:21 am

Hi mom,
The best people to advice for home births is your midwife or NCT teacher.
Some hospitals do offer this type of birthing plan to mothers. So do talk to them and they advise and guide you in the right direction.
Regards
Rashieda
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Commonthings_
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Re: Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby Commonthings_ » Mon Mar 27, 2023 8:32 am

I’ve just had my third baby, first baby at home. My first two were born at hospital in a very standard way.

My husband is very risk adverse, by the book kind of guy. His uncle also happens to be a world famous obstetrician and is head of the obstetrics at a very famous and prestigious university. So the idea of a home north was ludicrous to him..until he did his research and read the facts, especially regarding intervention and problems arising both in hospital and at home. He was floored by the statistics, as was his uncle.

We attended a home birth seminar given through the community midwives at our hospital and he was able to ask lots of questions and understand things more clearly.

I’d highly advise you raise it with your midwife and ask for information. There is a great leaflet distributed through the NhS about the risks etc. we went through guys and st Thomas hospital- have a look into them.
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Nirvana
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Re: Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby Nirvana » Mon Mar 27, 2023 8:35 am

Home birth in a pool apparently lovely if it all goes to plan.
If something goes wrong - probability of this is quite high - it is a real nightmare: wet, slippery, screaming, naked woman in labour being rushed to hospital, probably in your car, as no ambulances available. This has happened to all the proposed home births I know of (admittedly only 3). Hospital is safer for both of you, although I don’t recommend St George’s.
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Nirvana
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Re: Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby Nirvana » Mon Mar 27, 2023 8:36 am

Home birth in a pool apparently lovely if it all goes to plan.
If something goes wrong - probability of this is quite high - it is a real nightmare: wet, slippery, screaming, naked woman in labour being rushed to hospital, probably in your car, as no ambulances available. This has happened to all the proposed home births I know of (admittedly only 3). Hospital is safer for both of you, although I don’t recommend St George’s.
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Butterfly58
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Re: Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby Butterfly58 » Mon Mar 27, 2023 10:12 am

I’m a retired community midwife and had two of my children at home as did almost all of my midwife friends
I’m not up to date on statistics regarding on home confinement’s but I can’t believe they will have changed very much. They generally go smoothly and complications are very unusual. Statistically home births have better outcomes and there is less risk of infection. It’s not correct to say that hospital s are safer. Two midwives are in attendance for the actual birth. I never had to transfer a woman to hospital personally and can think of only one case where this was necessary.
When a woman is making good progress in Labour it’s very unusual for something to suddenly go wrong at the very end.
You will see that there is a slightly raised risk of infant mortality but this is because home birth statistics include births at home which weren’t planned including premature births or where someone was so advanced in Labour it was impossible to get them to hospital. I attended many accidental home births which were a joy because progressing so quickly they were almost always straightforward.
I think it’s very good advice to speak to your midwife they will advise you. If you get a negative response from your midwife or GP try to speak to someone else. They may be inexperienced and fearful. It is your legal right to have a home birth and for the midwives to attend you.
I wish you the very best
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Nirvana
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Re: Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby Nirvana » Mon Mar 27, 2023 10:32 am

home births may be relatively low risk, but statistics cannot be applied to an individual case. It is important to consider the impact should anything go wrong, should you or your baby require emergency treatment following the birth.
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YogawithNadia
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Re: Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby YogawithNadia » Mon Mar 27, 2023 11:08 am

Hi LML

I am a doula and mum of 4 with three births behind me.
I owuld say, as you are the person who has to go thorugh teh expereince of childbirth it has GOT to be up to you. 
This one is our responsibility to lead on.
Its quite common for men to be wary about homebirth. But their wariness is usually from a place of ignorance and lack of information.
If you want an intervention free and comfortable birth, home is the safest place to be.
If you are a low risk mother, home is the safest place to be.
If you rae a second time mum. statistically-speaking home IS the safest place to be. This was revealed in a very large metastudy called the BIRTH Place study carried out some years ago. 
Very good reasons for home birth include: No hospital transfer to contend with and teh inevitable interruption/stall to teh process; no uncomfortable examinations in order to get in, no waiting around in triage for a room, no strangers to contend with, you are kinga nd queen of your castle at home and as such you feel more empowered and in charge of the process. You are also in YOUR bedroom and in YOUR bath and shower. Hygiene is optimum. When home birth is uninterrupted, it is the most natural and wonderful pace for a baby to be born.
If your husband is taught the physiology of borth and understands how the hormones work and what interrupts them, he will stand behind you.
Three of mine have been born at home. I would NEVER birth a heathy baby in hospital again. 
Home birth is beautiful; it turns birth from being a clinical expereince to a family expereince.
Get yourself a doula, please reach out oif you would like to chat with me, and book your homebirth. The best thing is you can ALWAYS chancge your mind anytime. It doesn't work the other way round.
If thats what your heart and body wants, make it happen.
Nadia
 
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Nirvana
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Re: Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby Nirvana » Mon Mar 27, 2023 5:24 pm

I know a mother of 6 who considered herself a birthing expert after 3 babies, but the 4th birth was completely different and very challenging, requiring serious intervention. Her 5th and 6th were fine. My first baby was born blue and floppy and did not breathe for over 5 minutes. You can be sure that I was glad we were in a hospital. My friend had a private midwife, but her baby arrived so fast that the midwife did not make it to her house in time for the birth. Then there are the 3 would-be birthing pool mothers, all of whom started in their own home and ended up in hospital.

These are just anecdotes, but they happened to me and to people I know. I also know many women who have had no problem at all.

Whatever you choose it is indeed a very good idea to get a midwife or doula to help you and your husband make decisions when they are needed and recognise when things are not going right.

Have you looked at Chelsea & Westminster?
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KatherineHepburn
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Re: Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby KatherineHepburn » Mon Mar 27, 2023 6:57 pm

The evidence clearly states that a home birth is just as safe as a hospital birth for a baby and safer for the mother.

Here is the Lancet review on the Home Birth Study:
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/ecli ... 8/fulltext

And here is a great breakdown of the study: https://www.sarawickham.com/research-up ... irth_safe/

We live in a culture that tends to believe that hospital is always the safest place to birth, but that just isn't the case for everyone, so it is absolutely worth you doing some reading and research here.

Here are some great resources:
Books:
Why Home Birth Matters - Natalie Meddings
Homebirth: Safe & Sacred - Kim Osterholzer
What's Right For Me? Making Decisions In Pregnancy & Childbirth - Dr Sara Wickham

As regards induction of labour for post term birth and the complications that can arise from this, Dr Wickham has some wonderful evidence based resources on her website: https://www.sarawickham.com/

I would absolutely recommend having a chat to the home birth team at your chosen hospital as they will be able to answer all of the questions that you both may have as well as talk through clearly the many benefits of home birth as well as any of the risks. I really feel that one of the many best benefits of being on the home birth team is the continuity of care that it offers. You will actually know who is looking after you and the women that will be supporting you during your birth.. and that is priceless.

I do hope that this helps a bit.

Melanie 
(www.betterbirthstories.com
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Loucina Birthkeeper
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Re: Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby Loucina Birthkeeper » Mon Mar 27, 2023 10:06 pm

Hi, my name is Lou and I am a former midwife and Birthkeeper from London. Myself and my colleagues have attended several home births and find women do so much better in their own environments. Away from bright lights, strangers, people in and out of your room and at home you’re less likely to require intervention which means a calmer more natural labour and birth.
If you are relatively close to a hospital then if you needed it in an emergency then could you get there within say 20-30 mins?
I myself had 3 home births and they were the most wonderful experiences of my life ❤️ surrounded by my loved ones exactly how birth should be. Hospitals are amazing for individuals who genuinely need it for medical reasons or an emergency but if you have a normal healthy pregnancy then there is no reason why you shouldn’t give birth at home .
There is a great study showing the outcomes for women intending to give birth at home, search ‘outcomes for women who intend on giving birth at home when compared with hospital’ the lancet. ( sorry it won’t let me paste direct link)
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LMPN79
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Re: Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby LMPN79 » Mon Apr 03, 2023 7:51 am

Having had a good friend whose baby died giving birth at home, I cannot under any circumstances think why you’d want to take that risk. Your husband has a right to have a strong view on this one.
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NVG
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Re: Want to have a homebirth but husband not keen

Postby NVG » Mon Apr 03, 2023 9:32 am

Gosh I bet you wish you hadn’t asked with such varying opinions! My first piece of advice would be not to listen to other people’s birthing stories. Every birth is different (both of mine were very different from each other) and just because something happened to someone else it doesn’t mean it will happen to you. I know it’s your second birth but I did hypnobirthing for both my kids and found it extremely useful - I highly recommend it. I had both mine without any artificial pain relief (and I had an induction with the first). Also if you do decide to go into hospital then get yourself a doula. Again - hugely valuable and you have someone you know with you who understands the birthing process and can advocate on your behalf. Don’t listen to other people’s horror stories. Their experience isn’t your experience. Do what you feel is right for you.
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