After school nanny eating our food

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Bella581
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After school nanny eating our food

Postby Bella581 » Fri Oct 21, 2022 7:25 pm

Hello

Looking for some advice please (no judgement). We have recently hired an after school nanny who helps three afternoons a week for 3 - 4 hours at a time.

There have been two occasions where I have offered her food and this was when we did the handover together. We haven’t actually discussed her needing to bring her own dinner or lunch but I was under the assumption that this is what is expected. I’ve had nannies in the past who have always brought their own food.

Since then I believe she has been making food for the children and also helping herself. This last week I asked her to make some pasta for the two children and there was enough for their portions, no more. When I got home my oldest child said they were still hungry and wanted more but there wasn’t anymore to eat.

I since found out that the nanny had given herself a portion of that food even though there was really only enough for the two children. This made me a little upset as my children shouldn’t be feeling hungry after dinner and I shouldn’t have to get back from work and worry about getting them something else to eat. She should at the very least wait until they have said they don’t want anymore to then help herself to what is left but again we have not discussed her being able to just help herself to our food.

Not sure wha to do as I don’t want to upset her either if I bring it up. I thought maybe offering to do Fridays as a day where they all eat together on us, but the other two days she provides her own food?

Any thoughts welcome but again please no judgement.

Thank you
Last edited by Bella581 on Mon Oct 24, 2022 6:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Ginter
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby Ginter » Sat Oct 22, 2022 8:44 am

We’ve always said to our after school nannies that she can help herself to food & drinks but only one really ever did.
As long as you communicate your expectation you should be able to solve the issue but if she’s good do you really want to create ill feelings over a bit of food ?! Seems petty.
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Ginter
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby Ginter » Sat Oct 22, 2022 8:44 am

We’ve always said to our after school nannies that she can help herself to food & drinks but only one really ever did.
As long as you communicate your expectation you should be able to solve the issue but if she’s good do you really want to create ill feelings over a bit of food ?! Seems petty.
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Starr
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby Starr » Sat Oct 22, 2022 9:30 am

Maybe just provide some for her to and stop being so tight.
She's doing an important job, looking after YOUR kids and you care about providing a portion of pasta?
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2009Kat
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby 2009Kat » Sat Oct 22, 2022 5:16 pm

I’ve also always told nannies to help themselves and our current after school nanny menu plans and gives me a shopping list so never a misunderstanding about what’s for who. She also sometimes eats with the kids and I think that’s totally fine - costs me very little and if she eats it at least it should taste ok!
I would just talk to her about it and clear up what happened over the pasta. Your house your rules but if she’s good I wouldn’t make an issue about it for the sake of a bit of food.
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Bella581
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby Bella581 » Sun Oct 23, 2022 6:20 pm

Wow, thank you for your judgemental post!!

I HAVE provided food for her in her first week, this is only her second week in! I’m more upset about her eating food that should have been for my children and then coming home from a long day at work to be told straight away that they wanted more dinner and then finding out she had eaten some of it and not thought to at least wait and see if they would want more before helping herself. Or to even offer them something else!

Our previous nannies have always brought their own food and as far as knew, was the norm, I should add this was a few years back and I haven’t required a nanny again until now. If it isn’t the norm, then fair enough, but again as I mentioned above I am only seeking advice or personal experiences, I don’t require insults and being told I’m being tight! You’ve no idea about my personal circumstances so who are you to judge?!
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Bella581
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby Bella581 » Sun Oct 23, 2022 6:25 pm

That’s great that your nanny menu plans. At the moment I cook the meals or prepare the food for the children as I know they’ll eat what I make. As she only does three afternoons a week it’s not a big deal.

Perhaps I should do something similar and then at least I know there will be enough for everyone. Im not fussed about her eating the food, it’s more that it wasn’t discussed and as mentioned, I suppose this is because our previous nannies a few years back always brought their own food.

Appreciate your response.

Thank you
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this_is_cat
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby this_is_cat » Mon Oct 24, 2022 9:44 am

All the nannies I’ve employed have had standard nanny contracts as provided by nanny agencies and payroll companies, and they have all included some wording along the lines of:
“Whilst you are working, you will be entitled to prepare yourself no more than one meal per day using the food and facilities of the household. It would be expected that meals where possible are the same as those eaten by the child and eaten with him.”

So your nanny is doing exactly what is expected of her and perhaps you ought to be making sure there is enough food in the house?

Has she got a contract? Or are you planning to give her one?
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farfallinalush
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby farfallinalush » Tue Oct 25, 2022 5:25 pm

I’ve been a nanny for over 10 years and never brought any food with me.
Always cooked for the kids and me and eat with them.
Depending on working hours in the contract it states how many meals you can eat at the family house. Example for full time is max 2 meals per day and snacks.
Most of my families always told me that I could have breakfast there or anything I wanted but always only eaten lunch or dinner and snacks.
If a family told me to bring my own food I’d leave straight away to be honest.
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Mardygras
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby Mardygras » Mon Oct 31, 2022 6:51 am

Firstly, this is the internet. You cant post a question like that and ask people not to judge you- we’re all judging you.

I would never dream of telling my nanny she can’t eat our food and the thought of someone else being so mean spirited makes me quite sad. If you only had enough pasta for two childrens portions, you didn’t have enough pasta and that’s on you, not the nanny. Did you have a backup meal for them? What if she’d overcooked it/ dropped it/ spoilt it somehow?

If you can afford an after school nanny you can’t be so hard up that you cannot afford a £1 bag of pasta (there are other, cheaper childcare options) so I don’t believe money is the issue.

It’s your ship and you choose how to run it but don’t post on here and only ask for responses that support your meanness
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Mardygras
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby Mardygras » Mon Oct 31, 2022 6:51 am

Firstly, this is the internet. You cant post a question like that and ask people not to judge you- we’re all judging you.

I would never dream of telling my nanny she can’t eat our food and the thought of someone else being so mean spirited makes me quite sad. If you only had enough pasta for two childrens portions, you didn’t have enough pasta and that’s on you, not the nanny. Did you have a backup meal for them? What if she’d overcooked it/ dropped it/ spoilt it somehow?

If you can afford an after school nanny you can’t be so hard up that you cannot afford a £1 bag of pasta (there are other, cheaper childcare options) so I don’t believe money is the issue.

It’s your ship and you choose how to run it but don’t post on here and only ask for responses that support your meanness
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Greedyguts
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby Greedyguts » Mon Oct 31, 2022 7:12 am

I think it’s lovely for a caregiver to eat with kids. They can chat over the meal and are more likely to eat well and normalise sitting down with an adult for a proper meal. It is much better all round. My after school nannies have always done this. It seems like a small price to pay - it costs a little more but saves the nanny making a meal again when she gets home and I think it’s a nice gesture. If it pays dividends in terms of them not moving on so quickly then great but it benefits me in other ways too.
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NoodleFan
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby NoodleFan » Mon Oct 31, 2022 7:21 am

“No judgement” meaning “only post if you agree with me…” it doesn’t quite work like that…
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Kirstie’s Mom
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby Kirstie’s Mom » Mon Oct 31, 2022 9:05 am

I’m really trying not to be judgemental but I have never heard of anything so sad and mean . She looks after your children, which should be your most precious assets . It’s also important to have the Nanny sit and eat with the children as it encourages conversation and helps with table manners. I have never heard of anything so mean in my life and whilst I don’t know of your circumstances a bag of pasta isn’t expensive I’m sure you give up a yoga class or a glass of wine to accommodate.

You should be ashamed of yourself . My Nannies used to tell me about employers like you - my husband and I thought they were exaggerating .
Last edited by Kirstie’s Mom on Mon Oct 31, 2022 9:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
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TootingMom33
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Re: After school nanny eating our food

Postby TootingMom33 » Mon Oct 31, 2022 9:06 am

First of all, it is great for the kids to eat with their carer, no matter who that is. So I would not try to change that.

Secondly, yes it is normal for a nanny to eat the food the kids eat. If she was helping herself to other stuff in the fridge it would be concerning, but eating with the kids is normal (even though I know nannies who like to bring their food).

Finally, the real issue is kids going hungry. I don’t agree with the poster that said that is your fault for not having enough food. Even if that is that case, the nanny should have brought something extra from the fridge (cheese, bread, I assume it is not bare).

So my advise is to approach her for the actual problem “I leave that you eat with the kids, but last Xday they complained they haven’t had enough. What should we do to make sure this doesn’t happen”

I have actually had a nanny who ended up running a grocery bill of >£100 weekly and that was on top of my weekly shop. I had to address it but I never told her to NOT eat there.

Good luck
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