Advice needed regarding au pair situation

5 posts
irap
Posts: 33
Joined: Jan 2013
Options:
Share this post on:

Advice needed regarding au pair situation

Postby irap » Sun Feb 02, 2014 11:22 pm

Hello,

I need some advice ! I am in a difficult situation and I am not sure what to do.

I have a lovely au pair who works for us almost for a year now. She is great with the children and they love her. She is very friendly and full of energy and has helped out a lot.

In december we had a little hip cup when she told us she was not happy about babysitting one night during the weekend even though we had agreed to it from the start. Then one month a go she told us via message that she no longer could take our son to school on fridays as she wants to rest. She originally agreed she would take him 4 days a week to school and my husband only fridays, but whenever he was super busy she would do it. Now she asked not to be asked any more. We agreed to accept. But we feel she is demanding more and more.

Also, on the night she does babysitting, she tells us almost every week, to please be back by 11 max since she wants to enjoy her night out too... so we find ourselves like cinderella running like crazy to be home on time so she can go out even though it's our one night out.

Finally the big issues: Our lovely cleaning lady told me: I do not wish to be in trouble but your au pair told me she has another job from April during the summer season in another country and she plans only to tell you in march and give you two weeks notice!

I do not know what to do. I think she is great with the children, some little things annoy us but overall she is nice, but I am shocked that she would do that to us. I work and my husband works so she knows we would be in trouble.

Our cleaning lady told me she also speaks quite bad about us and complains about her job all the time. I confronted her about this and said she loves working for us and that she never said she is not happy with us.

I have to say I believe our cleaning lady since the comments she told me and the city where she apparently got the job fits perfectly as her family have an apartment there and she worked in that place before.

On top of this my good friend told me she is leaving the country and her lovely nanny who is 50 will be without a job so we could hire her, but I do not know what to do.

I do not want to confront our au pair because every time I say something she acts like I am saying something totally crazy and I know she will deny it.

What do I do?? Tell our nanny to leave and hire this other lady??

Confront our nanny and risk being left in trouble in march is she really does quit??

HElP!
Post Reply
BTC27
Posts: 38
Joined: Nov 2013
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Advice needed regarding au pair situation

Postby BTC27 » Sun Feb 02, 2014 11:36 pm

Yup, I'd tell her to go and hire the other lady.

Based on what you have written of course. Devil only knows where the truth lies.
Post Reply
nanny_kitty
Posts: 131
Joined: Oct 2011
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Advice needed regarding au pair situation

Postby nanny_kitty » Mon Feb 03, 2014 8:55 am

Sounds about right for some au pair's behaviour. Wanting to go out on the weekend and in no way thinking about you when it comes to doing what she wants in April.

I knew an au pair who text her host family on a Sunday night saying she wouldn't be back the next day! This can be the problem with au pairs as they are not professionals. That said, two weeks is a reasonable amount of notice, I think you might feel blindsided by the fact that she intends to leave so much earlier than you agreed.

Meet this other nanny, but bear in mind that if she is older and experienced she'll be a far more expensive employee than an au pair. See if you like her and go from there. If and when you do let your au pair go, give her notice, or pay her in lieu of notice as this is obviously the decent thing to do.

Good luck :)
Post Reply
dansk1234dance
Posts: 160
Joined: Apr 2011
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Advice needed regarding au pair situation

Postby dansk1234dance » Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:53 am

I feel that I by now have had quite a lot of experience of hiring (and firing) au pairs and nannies.

I've mentioned this in previous posts, but I wouldn't hesitate changing things if I believed that the current situation compromised the safety or happiness of my children or if for some other reason the happiness of my family life was compromised.

I realised that au pairs are not the same as a nanny, but nonetheless it's a job, and she has, when she took the job, accepted the t&cs.

It seems as if she has become less dedicated to her job (talking about you behind your back to your cleaner isn't acceptable in my book) telling you, as if you are the children, to be back by 11 pm isn't really acceptable either.

If you're both working full time away from the home, you need flexible can-do-attitude and she's not really displaying that in which case I would look around for someone who's willing to do that.

There are so many wonderful au pairs and nannies out there, and I realise it's a hassle finding a new one and settling them in, but trust me it's always worth it!

I'd start interviewing a handful of different au pairs, so see what else is out there and what might be suitable. Try aupairworld or even an agency.

I'd then get rid of her asap, as she is not really dedicated to you anymore, why should you be dedicated to her?
Post Reply
supergirl
Posts: 1280
Joined: May 2011
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Advice needed regarding au pair situation

Postby supergirl » Mon Feb 03, 2014 10:31 am

Hello

What i think you should do first is realised that the situation has made you very emotional and this is why you feel you dont know what to do! It s normal as it is a horrible situation to be in, i m sorry for you.

But as someone said she hasnt really breached the t&cs but she has lost the can-do attitude knowing that you trust her and you are at work all day.

So just giver her her notice once you ve talked to the other nanny and pay her her notice, get the other one in (yes more expensive than an au pair but you must know that) and forget about it all.

It can seem a little harsh to do that but the most important thing to remember if you have always be fair and kind to her, is that you need adequate childcare so you can go to work without any worries.

Good luck.
Post Reply
https://www.mathnasium.co.uk/clapham
https://www.345nurseryschool.com/
https://www.nightingalemontessori.co.uk/
https://merrygoround.club/
http://www.abbevillenannies.co.uk/home/

Start a conversation
To create a new post and start a new conversation, please click on the button.