Postby Megan » Mon Jan 21, 2013 12:52 pm
NO SCHOOL WILL PROTECT YOUR CHILD AGAINST THIS KIND OF EVENT when a malevolent other child, particularly with the use of social media in hand, bullies them.
Do NOT be fooled into thinking that if you pay a school they can 'fix everything'. They can have the kindest and best pastoral care in place, but nastiness is not the privilege of those who cannot pay fees. And I pay full fat fees to one of the best independent secondary day schools in the country for my children, I am not a teacher, a governor or an owner of any sort of school. I just am a bit long in the tooth and have a fair bit of life experience. And I do know this from real life direct experience of friends with children further on through school years that what happened at St Cecilia's not only could happen in an independent school, it is MORE LIKELY not to be taken care of properly.
I can think of at least three examples of friends whose children have had terrible, terrible things happen them at school, all of which have happened in private schools. (None of my friends with children at comprehensives have had such an experience) The schools have struggled in knowing what to do and made many mistakes. Indeed in one instance an exact replica of the St Cecilia's terrible event, without the fatality. As a 'one off' institution you cannot be sure that an independent school will have the right procedures in place. A state school, part of a huge state organisation, has the benefit of that massive learning. If an independent school comes across something for the first time, then they work out how to do it for the first time. Of course they still do their best, and their intentions are just as good as the good human beings who run state secondary schools. But honestly? The mistakes are likely to be worse in the 'one off schools'.
So lecture, over. What I say as 'an older mother' is that the only people who can truly help your children to be safe are YOU. The early years of senior school are a prime age for not confiding in parents. They are learning to be independent but haven't yet got old enough to know they won't get 'in trouble'. So they struggle with their secrets possibly more than maybe a 16 or 17 year old would. So YOU have to watch them for any signs of behaving differently, being defensive, odd eating habits, secret messaging etc. Keep their phone away from them at night (the worst time to be bullied). And let them know that you understand the 'things that go on' - they will think you won't understand anything. Share some stories with them - the man who flashed you when you were 12 and you never told your mum, etc. etc. They are more likely to tell you if they know you won't be shocked or 'blame' them. And as for hoping a school with 100s or 1000s of pupils will spot every child's every difficult moment, do not be fooled - there's no money you can pay for that.