this is why we send our children private

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PrivateSchools
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby PrivateSchools » Mon Jan 21, 2013 11:19 am

Hi
To be honest although I feel a little got-at I don't mind as my initial post was written very badly.

So first, I apologies to anyone I upset. Again.

Second, I want to make sure people understand what I was trying to say.

I do NOT criticise anyone's choices. I simply want to justify MY choice as I feel there was strong feeling about people choosing private and I simply wanted to use this as a good example of why "I choose private."

I believe that there is less chance for kids to get "lost" in the private than the state sector. That is a factor of class size, a factor of resources and, to be blunt, a factor that the sorts of kids that would video under age girls in those circumstances tend to come from more difficult and disturbed backgrounds (I know they're victims too) and they tend not to be sent to private school.

I am NOT saying that has always been the case. I am NOT saying abuse does not go on elsewhere but that it appears to me to be less of it.

Hope that has cleared up my view and I apologise if I have caused any offence.
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waitingforgodot
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby waitingforgodot » Mon Jan 21, 2013 11:40 am

Dear PrivateSchools,

On this, I disagree. I think there are as many sick men in the rich classes as there are in the poor ones. Maybe the difference is that the privately educated ones would know that videos can be used against you in court.

Personally, I think the total access to ****** online (and ****** of any type) is not helping our children and is creating a very dangerous environment. I hope our very clever, very privately educated men in government can sort this one out. But I somewhat doubt it.
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Megan
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby Megan » Mon Jan 21, 2013 12:52 pm

NO SCHOOL WILL PROTECT YOUR CHILD AGAINST THIS KIND OF EVENT when a malevolent other child, particularly with the use of social media in hand, bullies them.

Do NOT be fooled into thinking that if you pay a school they can 'fix everything'. They can have the kindest and best pastoral care in place, but nastiness is not the privilege of those who cannot pay fees. And I pay full fat fees to one of the best independent secondary day schools in the country for my children, I am not a teacher, a governor or an owner of any sort of school. I just am a bit long in the tooth and have a fair bit of life experience. And I do know this from real life direct experience of friends with children further on through school years that what happened at St Cecilia's not only could happen in an independent school, it is MORE LIKELY not to be taken care of properly.

I can think of at least three examples of friends whose children have had terrible, terrible things happen them at school, all of which have happened in private schools. (None of my friends with children at comprehensives have had such an experience) The schools have struggled in knowing what to do and made many mistakes. Indeed in one instance an exact replica of the St Cecilia's terrible event, without the fatality. As a 'one off' institution you cannot be sure that an independent school will have the right procedures in place. A state school, part of a huge state organisation, has the benefit of that massive learning. If an independent school comes across something for the first time, then they work out how to do it for the first time. Of course they still do their best, and their intentions are just as good as the good human beings who run state secondary schools. But honestly? The mistakes are likely to be worse in the 'one off schools'.

So lecture, over. What I say as 'an older mother' is that the only people who can truly help your children to be safe are YOU. The early years of senior school are a prime age for not confiding in parents. They are learning to be independent but haven't yet got old enough to know they won't get 'in trouble'. So they struggle with their secrets possibly more than maybe a 16 or 17 year old would. So YOU have to watch them for any signs of behaving differently, being defensive, odd eating habits, secret messaging etc. Keep their phone away from them at night (the worst time to be bullied). And let them know that you understand the 'things that go on' - they will think you won't understand anything. Share some stories with them - the man who flashed you when you were 12 and you never told your mum, etc. etc. They are more likely to tell you if they know you won't be shocked or 'blame' them. And as for hoping a school with 100s or 1000s of pupils will spot every child's every difficult moment, do not be fooled - there's no money you can pay for that.
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Sw17mamma17
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby Sw17mamma17 » Mon Jan 21, 2013 12:57 pm

I actually didn't feel attacked, I was just trying to make the point that Megan put so much eloquently than I could!

Putting up such a sensational sweeping state,emt, backed up from an article from an equally sensational statement making paper is rather foolhardy.

I think a wedge is already driven between private and state this sort of attitude perpetuates it and it is not fair or right. We want to live in calm, all embracing society don't we?!
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waitingforgodot
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby waitingforgodot » Mon Jan 21, 2013 1:20 pm

Agree, but how many times does the woman have to apologise for you guys to calm down.
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Sw17mamma17
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby Sw17mamma17 » Mon Jan 21, 2013 1:22 pm

Haha! Love it Chutney!

when she stops the co tinted justification for why she posted it!

Will now stop. Promise!
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PrivateSchools
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby PrivateSchools » Mon Jan 21, 2013 1:26 pm

What does co tinted mean?
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Sw17mamma17
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby Sw17mamma17 » Mon Jan 21, 2013 1:48 pm

Co tinted, come on, surely you know?!

CONTINUED

Sorry, but please keep posting to remind me that I got it wrong ;)
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clapset
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby clapset » Mon Jan 21, 2013 2:02 pm

Whether or not you agree with the original post etc - let's conduct a poll - if money was irrelevant would you send your kids private or send them to a Wandsworth State school? ...

I would vote private every day of the week - not because I have anything against state schools but because I went to a private secondary school and really enjoyed the sport and opportunties ... and what happened to the kids I knew that went to the local state school - a few went inside for manslaughter in a pub brawl; loads are brickies and labourers; a few have a taste for the gear; one played for Newcastle United and captained Wales and 1 owns a successful muli-million pound business. So it's a mixed bag but more pot luck in the state environment.
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Sw17mamma17
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby Sw17mamma17 » Mon Jan 21, 2013 2:05 pm

Mixed bg in both to be fair. Suicide, bankruptcy, divorce and jail terms also exist for ex private school people.

As a prevus post says, it is YOU and you alone who will guide your child through. School has benefits (either state or private) but you have to help your child make the most of them.
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Sw17mamma17
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby Sw17mamma17 » Mon Jan 21, 2013 2:07 pm

But to answer question : don't know, I'll see where I think my child would be happiest and then if it was afofordable.
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clapset
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby clapset » Mon Jan 21, 2013 2:11 pm

but that's not an answer. Money don't matter what would you chose? Your childs happiness is irrelevant because on the day you chose they know no better.

What would you do?

you would chose private ... go on admit it. It doesn't make you a bad person!
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Sw17mamma17
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby Sw17mamma17 » Mon Jan 21, 2013 2:15 pm

Child's happiness does matter first and foremost! I couldn't and wouldn't put my child into a school that was academically fantastic, if my child wasn't academically fan and would struggle.

As I've said before, I have no issue with where people send their kids to school, and yes, I've already had kids in the private sector and state sector. I've seen kids desp unhappy in state and move and vice versa.

Sometimes the child has to fit the school not the school to the child. As soon as hang ups go, it is easier to decide.

Yes I'd choose private but yes I'd also choose state! So does that make me a good, bad or ugly person that I haven't decided?!

What I wouldn't do is go on a public forum and say why I hadn't chose the other option.
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clapset
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby clapset » Mon Jan 21, 2013 2:20 pm

Your very decisive!

The Man with No Name.
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Sw17mamma17
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Re: this is why we send our children private

Postby Sw17mamma17 » Mon Jan 21, 2013 2:27 pm

You're ;-)

I'll be decisive when I need to be!

Anon.
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