Questions about divorce

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harriedmum
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Questions about divorce

Postby harriedmum » Sat Sep 15, 2018 1:18 pm

Hello, 

This is a question for all you divorced people out there.

My husband and I are separated and trying to work things out amicably. Historically he works and I don't, so all the power is on his side and we have two children who are of school age (end of junior/beginning of senior).

We are trying to sort things out between us, as we have been told this is the best way and I have the children the majority of time as I don't work and am better at the school supervision/organisation side of things (I am also chronically ill so working and managing the children would be a challenge to say the least).

Problem is, whatever we agree, even in writing, he is always late and therefore adds to the children's and my stress, and if he changes his mind on having the kids, he just tells me and I am expected to change my plans/fork out for a sitter (even when it is meant to be his time with the kids). Unfortunately, we are in a position where sitters severely impact our  finances - I can't just throw money at the situation, hence my reluctance to involve lawyers.

What I would like to know is this: if we have a formal legal agreement, how well is it enforced or will he still be able to muck me about because some people are just like that? 

I don't really want to spend a lot of money on lawyers if actually they do nothing once the agreement is in place, even if one party constantly breaks it.

I'd be really interested to hear other people's experience first before I go down the legal route, especially as I know he will consider it an act of war and the general hostility/unhelpfulness will increase exponentially.

Also, has anyone successfully made a "joint lives" divorce arrangement in the last few years and, if so which lawyers did you use.

Any insight would be really helpful - I am trying to be fair to everyone, but as always, am being fair to everyone but myself!

Thank you.
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Kim Marshall
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Re: Questions about divorce

Postby Kim Marshall » Mon Sep 17, 2018 9:48 am

I am a divorce lawyer and recently divorced myself.
It is unlikely that the court would be of help in enforcing the agreement if he is turning up late and cancelling arrangements at short notice. Have you considered asking him to attend a mediation session when you can explain in front of a neutral third party the impact his behaviour is having on you and the children? You could also ask him to attend a parenting class for separated parents with you or on his own to discuss theses issues.  
I have experience in joint lives maintenance cases on divorce.
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