Noise complaints. Can’t afford to move yet! Post Reply

[Mum-of-2]

Hey I’m new here. Looking for advice hope I’ve posted in right place. Apologies if not.

Is there anything I can do? I’m a nervous wreck. I have 2 kids. Almost 3 year old. And 9 month old. I’ve had numerous complaints about the kids making too much noise. Mainly during the day. 3 year old is wild (suspected autism waiting for diagnosis/help etc) Doesn’t talk currently so can’t understand be quiet doesn’t sit still for long etc but I’m at my wits end with feeling terrified of any noise they make. Crying playing etc. I don’t know how to keep them quiet because well they just won’t.

I completely understand and feel sorry for the neighbours due to inconvenience/stress of my kids noise but I’m trying my hardest to keep them quiet nothing works. I take them out in the morning for 2 hours I honestly wish I could walk the streets all day because then we’d not be at home making noise but that’s not fair on the kids too cold just not practical etc. 3 year old is due to start nursery this week but it’ll be a slow process because of how he is. He won’t understand being left even if I explain to him he has limited understanding. But when he does settle in eventually that’s only for 2 mornings a week (3hours a morning) so I still have to stress and worry about the other days at home and the mornings I have to battle to get kids ready quietly and leave the house etc.

I’m looking at moving but it’ll not happen any time soon. I need to save up for deposit rent up front removals etc. Which will take me most of next year because I’ve only just moved here (5 months ago). I’m a paranoid mess! Every Sound they make I’m on the verge of crying my eyes out due to stress and worry of more reports (which I have been told will continue to happen) I’m not enjoying my life or home. Where I live is quite quiet and there’s other mums with kids but they have partners etc I’m a lone parent so take care of the kids 247 and I try my best but it’s hard especially with 3 year old where he can’t talk or understand a lot.

I’ve tried shhing taking away noisy toys (early morning) they do get up early 5 am and I try my best to keep son I bed till 6 (he sleeps in my bed as won’t sleep alone) baby still wakes and cries in the night so I get up like a shot to sort the crying change feed etc, intervene when son is running around during the day I basically try and carry him around the house every where (it’s the only way to stop him walking heavily footed running etc). But he’s very heavy and tall, and I’ve pulled a muscle in my arm from constantly lifting him holding him. Constantly tell him shhh be quiet mummies in trouble he just doesn’t understand.

Obviously can’t tell my 9 month old the same because they don’t understand either. But been told complaints will just keep coming! I get it’s annoying especially where they are so young and it’s not easy to keep them quiet. But this was meant to be a home for a few years for us now I don’t want to be here at all I dread waking up in the morning having to have another day as a moody unhappy mum trying to keep the kids quiet. It’s not their fault bless them but I honestly don’t know what else to do!

[AbbevilleMummy]

Oh dear, I do feel for you.

What sort of home do you have? Is it a flat with neighbours above, below and either side? Or a house with just next door neighbours?

Either way, when you get complaints I would just explain that you have a child with developmental delays and you are all doing the best you can.

At the end of the day it is your home and they are only children, they can’t be that noisy. You have a right to feel comfortable in your own home and not constantly on edge. Plus your anxiety will likely only be making the children more unsettled.

You mention you are a lone parent and it sounds as though your eldest may have developmental delays, do you have any support? Are your parents or friends nearby? If not perhaps reach out to a charity like Homestart Wandsworth who can support you. You do need a network around you as it is so hard to cope alone. PM me if you would like to meet for a coffee and a walk.

[2009Kat]

I agree with everything Abbeville Mummy has said. I have an autistic child.  I hope your neighbours can be understanding if you explain - I find that people do tend to be nicer if they know, sometimes it just won't be obvious to them (although some people are just plain awful).
I really hope you've got some help and support.  Please feel free to PM me if I can help at all, even if only to signpost you to some parent support groups. Contact is another local charity (they are based in the Early Years Centre in Wandsworth - have you been referred to the Early Years team?) 
I remember when my child was 3 and it was probably the most difficult and stressful time for us, some lovely kind people helped us immensely. xx

[Bunnypigeon123]

Are you worried about getting evicted? For this to happen your neighbours would need to complain to the council and they in turn would need to launch an investigation. The council would need to decide that your children’s noise is a statutory nuisance. This is very unlikely to happen. You could even argue that an eviction on this basis would be discrimination on the back of family status. So, from a legal perspective, I don’t think you have to worry (but I’m not a lawyer- just remember having this conversation with someone not long ago!). From a day to day not wanting to annoy the neighbours point of view- obviously you don’t want to annoy people. Would it help if you bought some thick rugs that might absorb some of the noise? Have you tried sensory play for your 3 year old- it’s messy but it tends to completely immerse them at least for a while and might do the trick if your son is on the spectrum. My son who is also being tested for autism is only really happy when in water- he lives in the bathtub or sink which is very odd but whatever works! Could you try wearing the baby in a sling?
I would write a letter to your neighbours explaining exactly what you said above. Sometimes showing some vulnerability can make people realise that they need to be kind...

[Nannyinbalham93]

Hi there,if you are worried about talking to your neighbours face to face it may be worth writing a letter and posting it through their door to explain your situation. As the others have said hopefully they’d be a little more understanding if they know your child has possible autism ect. Contacting the council to see what help they have on offer could also be worthwhile - they might have a free playgroup/session specialised on offer that you could attend. It might also be worthwhile joining a group of mums in similar situations for support. Facebook often has groups for families with children going through similar and nothing is better than talking to people who know how you feel. I hope it works out for you! X

[Red5]

Hi there my son has autism and I remember how stressful it was when he was first diagnosed and navigating him through different situations, some people were understanding others not so.
It might be well if you haven't already to explain to your neighbours about his issues and that you are seeking help, if he can't speak yet he's probably feeling frustrated and uses noise to communicate his needs, that being said kids can't help being noisy.
Does he like music perhaps when the noise is ramping up too much try to distract him with some soothing music, classical or just instrumental music.
If he has any special interests, trains, technology etc tap into those things, enter his world, they might calm him down and give you some peace.
While you wait for diagnosis please reach out to a lovely Facebook group called ASD child in SW London (most of us are based in Wandsworth). it's a lovely group that is very supportive. Please PM me if you need any advice and definitely get advice from the Early Years team at Siward Road or West Hill.

Ruthx