Husband has visited escort- advice please

45 posts
advancedmummy
Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2015
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby advancedmummy » Thu Jul 02, 2015 10:22 am

I'm afraid to say, darling, it won't have been his first visit, nor his last, for sure. It was his first 'mistake'. There's no point in believing he wanted you to 'find out'.

Take my advice (since you quite rightly wish to work on your marriage) read/listen to an expert (and ex sufferer) of the same in her early marriage - Joy Rosendale, who is now a psychosexual counsellor (as a result of her husband doing the same continually and eventually destroying their marriage). She was a guest on Ladies Hour with Jenni Murray. It should enlighten you.

Sadly in the professional workplace it is acceptable for men to openly discuss it, and crude comments relating to their sex lives, 'referring to a sex worker as 'a brass' - even in the presence of their female colleagues; it's a form of bragging to each other. The female colleagues accept this as i't's not their concern', and fear that complaining to HR dept may result in punishment from their male colleagues.

Otherwise, his behaviour will continue, albeit much much more carefully hidden. A telling off/plea for forgiveness will not suffice. This behaviour usually begins with viewing computer images, (iPads etc can easily delete history) then leads to 'home visits' as telephone numbers are advertised on every page (they even have forums where the 'clients' recommend certain workers!) then, eventually more 'unusual' activities begin because the female/male (don't rule it out) sax workers become 'boring' leading to eg LBoys/more sordid proclivities.. I know, it is horrendous when one learns this of their partner, but, despite his denials/disgust at even the slightest suggestion he may be interested in the latter, do not believe him. It will happen eventually if it hasn't already.

FYI It happened to me, but I eventually divorced, because it was too late. I wish I had been advised then as I am advising you now. Good luck
Post Reply
Bellahriou
Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2011
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby Bellahriou » Sat Jul 04, 2015 6:13 am

Ditto the author below, I think I too "found out" too late, there is no way for me forward as if someone is doing this to you it means your emotional intimacy as a couple been violated and to me it's the end of "love-trust". It is very true the saying "once a cheater - always a cheater". I let myself not to believe in this 8 years ago, now, older and with a small child, I regret that I didn't. It's never to late to fix your life and find someone who would love, respect and appreciate you for who you are. And even if I don't meet this person, I'd be better of on my own than living with someone who lies to me. I don't take all this male "rationalization" of such behavior, mine one also says that "that is different, I chose this way so I don't get emotional connection to them", but he will never understand that for women it is different, we don't see it the same way, for as it is cheating in the most degrading way. Whose who go to prostitutes for "extras" are satisfying their animal instincts. And the God gave a man human brain so that he is able to control his animal instincts.
Post Reply
Pud1
Posts: 318
Joined: Jul 2010
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby Pud1 » Sat Jul 04, 2015 10:13 am

This post has also made it into The Telegraph this morning...
Post Reply
sw11_
Posts: 345
Joined: Oct 2010
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby sw11_ » Sat Jul 04, 2015 9:34 pm

It's a very different post to the vile one in the Daily Mail. It's kind of complimentary:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/on ... emind.html
Post Reply
LuluDaffodil
Posts: 84
Joined: Feb 2014
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby LuluDaffodil » Tue Jul 07, 2015 1:57 pm

Very nice article.
Post Reply
SarahR90
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2016
Contact:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby SarahR90 » Wed Feb 03, 2016 3:55 pm

I am so sorry to hear..It's hard I have had the same problem with my husband but instead of finishing it we sat down picked up all the broken pieces put them back together and we are now getting on for our 20th anniversary... You need to sit down with him and find out the truth and work from there :D
Post Reply
TerryJones91
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2016
Contact:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby TerryJones91 » Wed Feb 03, 2016 4:37 pm

From a mans point of view he may not see it as cheating and just sex.. You got to look at it as if you have two kids maybe you are getting less time in the bedroom department thus he is finding new ways to keep himself sexually active without losing any love for you.. It may sound stupid but it is highly possible and it isn't the first time this has happened :roll:
Post Reply
Lauren99
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2016
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby Lauren99 » Thu Feb 04, 2016 4:01 pm

Wow I am so sorry to hear, It must be hard but you need to do what's best for you and of course your kids :D
Post Reply
Lauren99
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2016
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby Lauren99 » Thu Feb 04, 2016 4:01 pm

Wow I am so sorry to hear, It must be hard but you need to do what's best for you and of course your kids :D
Post Reply
NannyJoy
Posts: 4
Joined: Feb 2016
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby NannyJoy » Sun Feb 07, 2016 1:40 pm

You can't trust people who can't trust themselves- I doubt there's a counsellor on earth able to stimulate a response from your husband comparable to the thrill of paid for sexual services.
"Getting forensic" sounds like a bitter, tedious waste of time.
People pay a cleaner when they can't be bothered to clean their house themselves- even though the skill set's hardly complex!
Have a good hard think about your position, your tolerances and your alternative prospects, then decide. Some women have been putting up and shutting up since the dawn of time, others have been single parenting.
There's likely no easy/right option....so be true to yourself and accept whichever associated challenges graciously.
Post Reply
juliantenniscoach
Posts: 1984
Joined: Oct 2009
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby juliantenniscoach » Sun Feb 07, 2016 9:33 pm

@Nannyjoy. That is one of the best posts I've read here.
Post Reply
Astolat
Posts: 86
Joined: Sep 2012
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby Astolat » Sat Feb 13, 2016 12:15 pm

I don't see why the choice is put up and shut up or lone parent?

I have a very low opinion of any man who exploits sex workers but surely even they are capable of either choosing to control themselves or co parenting following a divorce.
Post Reply
Roxron
Posts: 43
Joined: Jul 2011
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby Roxron » Sun Feb 14, 2016 8:03 am

This may just be a bit too out there but surely when it comes to sex we should at least consider that individuals are likely to have different desires? I don't just mean how often we like it, although that's important too, but in what style.
I'm not forgiving anyone who strays but don't want to judge them straight away either. Sex can be a far more vital part of daily life for one person than it is for another. If one partner in a relationship chooses something a little '50 shades' but the other partner would rather not indulge should the first miss out? And if after the routine of life kicks in to a previously rampant relationship, and twice a day is now twice a month, one partner isn't happy to just settle for that and still needs the physical satisfaction, couldn't they find that elsewhere?
We're not all cut from the same cloth and in most aspects of life that's what makes us interesting and makes our relationships work. Sadly with sex though to be different can drive you apart and it's up to us whether we let it or instead try and understand it.
Post Reply
supergirl
Posts: 1242
Joined: May 2011
Options:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby supergirl » Sun Feb 14, 2016 10:04 am

@Roxron: the difference between human kind and animal is our ability to control our desire/emotions and to remember the past so we can forward think. It s the same with sex. We re not animal, we should be able to control ourselves (thats what we teach our kids) and live in a RESPECTFUL relationship.
Post Reply
verounan
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2017
Contact:
Share this post on:

Re: Husband has visited escort- advice please

Postby verounan » Fri Feb 10, 2017 3:53 pm

@supergirl: I agree with you. If you can't control yourself when having sex, you're nowhere far from being an animal. I believe sex is not a necessity but rather a decision for both of you and your partner. If a person thinks that it's okay for a husband to sleep with an escort, then you're the one that has a problem. :mrgreen:
Post Reply