Young teen struggling with school entrance process

[Mellymell123]

Hi all

Some advice needed.

My son (12) is getting really stressed about the process of getting into secondary schools (private) He has had multiple rejections already - not on academics but on interview, and we are on waiting lists. However he is just being crushed by the pressure and the feeling that he is failing when he sees his friends getting acceptances.

We are being as supportive as possible but obviously he doesn't believe what we say. I am really worried and think it would be useful for him to speak to someone professionally to help his confidence and give him mechanisms to cope - separate to family and also school.

I've heard of several organisations locally - Champs and Role Models. What do you think and/or any other thoughts?

Any advice really appreciated.

Thanks

[erinisle22]

I highly recommend chatting to Leigh.

https://www.champs-academy.co.uk/leigh-stutchbury/

My (younger) kids have been doing his confidence building classes at Tooting Library and he’s all about helping kids be the best version of themselves.

He’s about to do group stuff on high school transition but I’m sure reaching out to him would get some one to one options too.

All the best to you. So hard for him.

[janee]

I'm sorry but......  You say that you are being as supportive as possible but pursuing a selective course.  By putting him into one entry test after another you are putting the pressure on him.  Of course, I would say that, wouldn't I, because I taught in the state system and have seen how it can support pupils from a complete range. 

I realise it is not what you want to hear but perhaps his anxiety is because you are not accepting that there is a satisfactory alternative.

One reason I have sympathy for him is because, so many years ago, I had sleepless nights and anxiety over the 11+.  With both parents being graduates, 2 older siblings at grammar school and a younger, very, very bright sibling, I was under considerable stress.  My parents put me in for the entry test of a private school because the results came out after the 11+ results and it was a backstop.

[HappyLAS]

Good morning, 

This much be tough not only for your son but also for rest of your family seeing your son in this position.  It's not an uncommon situation, I have worked with several teenage boys to help them with stress / lack of focus, troubles at school and had great success.  

 

I originally trained as a nurse, have Level 3 in counselling and recently trained as a kinesiology practitioner. Kinesiology looks at the whole person and through muscle testing, something kids love and find very empowering, can quickly get to route of the problem.  So we can then help them manage this through various easy techniques they can use in their everyday life. 

 

This can work along-side other therapies or as a stand-alone. The sessions are one on one kids also love (parent in the room if they wish), the client lies on a massage couch, has muscle testing, some massage whilst talking.  The fact it’s physical as well as talking kids seem to embrace and open up far more.

 

I’d be delighted to speak to you further and of course have the opportunity to help your son. 

 

Look forward to hearing from you.

All the best
Lou 

www.lousavage.co.uk

[coldatchristmas]

Role Models run confidence courses which get great feedback. Might make him not feel too alone if he's on a course. Not sure if The Parent Practice would be of any use? I don't know if they work with teens as well as parents but they would be offer you some advice. Both get lots of write ups on NVN. Mostly I hope that he bounces back quickly. Wishing him well.

[leigh.stutchbury]

Hi!

As Erin said above I am a confidence and life skills coach for young people. More then happy to have a chat and point you in the right direction. 

Feel free to give us a call on 07709645115 or email me on leigh.champs@gmail.com.

Take care,
Leigh Stutchbury
CHAMPS academy

 

[Hldorman98]

Hi,

This is from my non-qualified perspective... I am 21 and only left secondary school 5 years ago, I also was put through separate private exams for school, and whilst I was accepted into a really excellent school that place was then removed due to a comment by another parent, who’s child didn’t receive a place.

What I will say, is despite my parents putting me under pressure and finding it hard to see my other friends getting accepted, especially into the same schools, they almost always had something for me to work for/look forward to each week or every other week that wasn’t education related as much and this definitely gave me a good time out which helped me go back to studies focused, and relaxed.

I still to this day find time out or book something to help me work through things.

Best of luck though!!

[MelissaH]

Hi Mellymell, I can hear you’re really concerned about him. He’s very lucky to have supportive parents.
At The Parent Practice we work with the parents rather than the kids directly but I think you’d be glad to be able to support him even more effectively. Btw I don’t think that putting him forward for entrance exams is of itself pressurising.
We have a workshop on Anxiety coming up on 21st June that could give you just the strategies you need. See www.theparentpractice.com

[Mellymell123]

I realise we are in a privileged position to be able to go for these schools in the first place and I'm also very aware that this is a double edged sword with respect to putting pressure on our children.

Whatever the case, I keep reading articles about surges in population, so the pressure put on both parents and children is only going to get worse, regardless of the school sector.

Thanks everyone for your comments, and good luck if you're also going through this.

[chorister]

Mellymell123

You may find the attached hard to accept if you are not familiar with the research, but it is, I assure you, true.  So the outcome may not in the end matter too much.

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/top- ... -bmz8vpn5x

The scientist quoted (and he is a genuine scientist, not a science writer or polemicist) is Robert Plomin, probably the world's leading expert in twin studies and now hugely involved in genetic research.  If you are interested, then his book Blueprint is fascinating, summarising the state of research globally.  You can also find out much more on Google.

[NaliniChamane]

Hi Melly,

Come and book a tour at the Hall School.
We have happy children, and so happy parents.