I'd be very grateful for any advice offered here. I recently split with my partner and we have 2 girls together; 2 and a half and 16 months respectively. My youngest has seemingly been fine with the split as she's always been clingy towards me anyway (as so many 1 year olds are to their mothers!) but, of course, my eldest has been asking questions. IE - where is daddy? Why doesn't he live here anymore? I answer her as directly as I can (tell her wherever he is; tell her that mummy and daddy are happier when they don't live together and that daddy comes round a lot because he loves her and wants to see her) and I feel that, over the last month or so, she's started to come to terms with it.
IME children are direct and don't often attach the emotions to their bold statements or questions that we, as adults, do. Saying that, I'm also aware that they can attach random meanings to what we say so I try to be careful not to cause too much confusion. So, I'm not overly worried about anguish on her part as she sees her father regularly, I'm loving, attentive, devoted and consistent (as much as I can be) and I know she knows she's loved.
But, whenever my ex has her - or even if he's round here and I leave them on their own together in a room - he claims that she's asked him all sorts of upsetting questions and that she gets upset (such as "I've lost you to work, haven't I Daddy?" and "Why can't you be here when I wake up?" and then gets very upset). My ex is still completely in love with me, I threw him out, his behaviour was unacceptable and there were a few minor incidences of domestic violence (on his part) so I nipped it in the bud before it got nasty. He feels he just needs 'one more chance' and has tried many ways to get back with me. I'm very firm and direct with him and give NO mixed messages.
So, I can't help wondering if my eldest is really asking these questions, and if she is, is she getting as upset as he says or is he just projecting?; she's only 2.5 so her speech isn't perfect so does he actually hear her properly anyway (as when we're all together I often have to translate for him) and a million other possibilites.
I wonder if any of you have, or know of, any experience with small children like this on, what I feel is, an amicable split where the father is still very present in the child/ren's life? Obviously, I want the best for my girls so if she really is getting upset I need to know so that I can talk to and reassure her (although I DO do that already).
If you got this far then thanks for reading
