Hi there
Sorry in advance for a bit of a long email, I'd really appreciate it if you can have a look and share any practical suggestions you might have.
I am about to have baby #2, very happy and excited. One fly in the ointment - I'm wondering if anyone here is able to give some advice on a situation that was a bit sticky for me with baby #1 - I'd really like to come out of things this time round feeling like I'd handled them in a more adult way, instead of vaguely wronged
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My partner and I are both self-employed, I earn a bit more. We do ok, not millionaires, but not poor either, I do know I'm talking about a first world problem here. We split everything down the middle, we have a joint account for that, and the rest of our cash we keep in our companies. This works great most of the time.
When we had baby #1 I was off for almost a year, not entirely planned that way, just took a bit longer to get a new contract. For the first 6-8 months or so, we carried on splitting things down the middle, then I had to put my hand up and say that things were getting tight, and my contribution dropped down to maybe 20%. By the time I got back to work, funds were almost totally drained, I was relieved to be earning again.
At the time he was fine to pick up the costs his side, but down the line he was hit with a big tax bill, and I ended up feeling bad about that, but also bad that he didn't seem to register that I'd lost out on a year's earnings, as well as using my cash to keep up my end. There was a lot of focus on how much he had to pay out the next year - my 'stealth loss' of earnings didn't really get as much airtime.
Baby #2 is a very much wanted addition, and I'm looking forward to my time off, so please don't think I'm super-greedy, but I wonder if there's any better way to agreeing how to approach the cash management side of things when you're as independent as we are? Has anyone else been through this and come out feeling like things were balanced and reflected both sides?
I really love my partner, he's a great dad, we are great at talking about things, but for whatever reason this has me stymied. The point really matters to me, and I'd like to feel it was more fair this time round, especially when we are making decisions about how to spend the money (we don't have - lol!) later on and I want my opinion to carry weight, even if the cash is in his bank account. Any ideas?
Thanks so much for reading.