Northcote Fete: DECISION. Moving DOWN school wait lists – how? Balham Bowls Club flats.

Last Updated on : 14th May 2018

Dear NappyValleyNetter,

A NappyValleyNetter is off to the BAFTA’s and wants a private hair and make-up session (read more).

I mention this because it’s an opportunity to re-tell an old tale and embarrass my husband.

A neighbour is a famous BAFTA winning actor and we’d been watching him solve a murder on TV when our Sky+ box had failed.

“I know,” piped up Mr NVN, “I’ll go and ask him for the episode on DVD.”

“Do you think he’ll have it?” I’d asked doubtfully.

Of course he will,” he’d countered, “we’ve got all the kids nativity plays on DVD and they’re rubbish, so he’ll probably have a library full of those leather-bound DVD cases of stuff actually worth watching.”

And with this flawed logic Mr NVN trotted off with a bottle of wine as a pre-emptive thank you gift whilst I waited.

Ten minutes later he returned with neither alcohol nor movie.

“Well THAT went well,” he said sarcastically, “I hid the wine behind their doorstep planter so I could theatrically produce it in exchange for the DVD, but he told me he doesn’t have any as he never watches himself on screen.

“But I couldn’t retrieve the wine as he and his wife stood waiting for me to leave so I had to walk away and then sneak back to grab from behind their planter.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad?” I replied.

“Oh that was fine,” he continued, “but when I went back their security lights came on, they opened the door and I had to pretend I was coming back to give them the wine as a present for *not* having the episode.

“Then I babbled about nativity plays and leather-bound DVD cases and rushed off.”


Here is what you’ve been talking about on NappyValleyNet…

The Northcote Fete is happening! Yes the crowd-funding came through and we are now all systems go. I have to say I’d be GUTTED if we hadn’t raised the cash as every hipster in Hoxton seems to raise a billion quid for a curated vegan unicycle pop-up! (read more)

Whilst we’re on the subject of funny businesses (the vegan unicycle pop-up, not the fete) it looks like plans to slap a skyscraper on the Balham Bowling Club’s old green have caused consternation amongst a few of you (read more). Rumours it’s going to be called The Trump Bowel appear to be a spelling error.

Cath Kidston’s closure on Northcote Road has led to talk about other shutdowns and empty shops (read more).

“Have you seen how much Gail’s charge for a stotty cake? Have you seen how little they pay their staff?” is the general thrust of this post (read more). And btw I didn’t mean to write “snotty cake” which is what my lovely sub. asked me when she proofed this!

Gosh its like the a retail Red Wedding scene from Game of Thrones – ANOTHER shop bites the dust. Goose Island is packing up shop opposite Waitrose – anyone know what’s to replace it? (read more)

The application to extend the hours of use of the 3G sports ground at La Retraite isn’t a big hit with all of you…(read more).

C. asks if anyone else has been approached by a girl at the door talking about overpaying for your energy supply? (read more)

There seems to be a NEW sponsorship scam going on around the neighbourhood – watch out! (read more)

And S. posted about 10 men armed with baskets of cleaning goods hanging out in Abbeville Village last week (read more). I had this too – so so intimidating!

L. needed to make quiche for her MIL’s birthday party – where to get the best shop-bought lookalikes!? (read more) Ask Gail’s if they can make a ‘Stotty Quiche’ – I’m not sure it exists but let’s make it a thing!

There’s a Gin Masterclass at Ben’s Canteen later this week (read more). That’s all you need to know.

On a similar(ish) theme – N & S wines have a clearance sale (read more). They had me at clearance!

K. asks if you can suggest a good local dentist for some cosmetic work? (read more). As long as they haven’t been to that gin masterclass before fitting your falsies!

K. would like your recommendations for a pregnancy fitness class in Fulham, Chelsea or Wandsworth? (read more).

If you’ve ever considered learning sign language, you can do so at Oak Lodge School on Nightingale Lane (read more).

There’s a Post-Natal Workshop at Four Sides London this week on how and when to return to exercise after birth (read more).

‘We’re Going on a Bear Hunt’ is a BRILLIANT book and it’s being brought to life for children on the West End stage this summer (read more).

Speaking of which…don’t miss our AMAZING collection of competitions and offers, brand new for May and June. You’ve got to see them to believe them. £75 at Amélies Follies, a week for two at Camp Suisse worth £2,500, a pom-pom throw from Wallace Cotton, an iPad from Plus Rooms, a limited edition print by Jeremy Houghton…the fabby list goes on (read more).


We have a planter full of House & Garden questions!

O. is undecided about tier on tier shutters on their bay windows: 1:2:1 or 2:4:2. (read more). Sounds complicated and get it wrong and there’ll be tiers at bedtime! S. asks how to recycle tins of paint as Wandsworth won’t accept them? (read more) F. is looking for a good and reasonably priced builder in SW17? (read more) P. is thinking of having a zinc roof – any experiences? (read more) H. needs to find an inexpensive surveyor or architect who could prepare a new lease plan for their freeholder (read more). Emma Green Design and Paint The Town Green (all the greens!) worked together on a fabulous installation at the Saatchi Gallery recently (read more). Chorister is thinking of a new front door – are the Bespoke Door Co. worth trying? (read more). P.’s upstairs neighbour wants to remove the chimney breast which will have a knock-on effect on their boarded up version – will it matter? (read more)


We have an inspection full of Schools posts

T. asks if anyone else is frustrated by moving down the waiting lists for the local primaries, rather than moving up! (read more) F. would love your thoughts on Swaffield Primary (read more). The registrar at Whitgift seems to think the Southern rail timetable changes won’t go ahead in 10 days. Lots of you hope that’s right – petition here! (read more) Exceptional Academics will be holding 11+ and 13+ booster courses in May half term (read more). And Yellowbird Education will be running 8+ and 11+ English Exam preparation over half term too (read more). C. wouldlove your thoughts on Belleville (read more). Hyde Tutoring has posted details of its Summer 11+ Creative Writing and Comprehension Course (read more). Wandsworth Prep have an Open Day this Wednesday (read more). Little Learners in both Clapham and Balham offers the Early Years curriculum and has inter-generational singing sessions too (read more).


We have a parasol full of Travel posts

Chateau St Pierre de Serjac is in the Languedoc region of southern France it looks simply gorgeous as a luxury family holiday destination. Temptation is but a click away…(read more). Camp Suisse have launched their Alpine Adventure and Languages Summer 2018 program and it sounds brilliant…great photo too – happy days! (read more) S. would like your recommendations of where to stay with children near Marbella this summer (read more)YogiYoga is hosting a Yoga Retreat in Sardinia – one in June and one in September. Uummm? (read more) Want to know more about Club Med? Then call in to Travel Designers to meet the Club Med team and be in with a chance of winning a holiday! (read more)


Looking for a new role? Look no further!

Local, ethical food company, field&flower are looking for a weekend customer service team member (read more). Hyde Tutors is looking for primary and secondary level tutors (read more). Sales and Operations Manager for Cookery School at Little Portland Street (read more). The Spencer Sports Club is looking for a part-time bar steward (read more)Investment Management Team Assistant (read more).


Lastly it’s your For sale and Wanted posts

For sale: Two Habitat deckchairs (read more). Girl’s bike age 7+ (read more). Boy’s bike age 7+ (read more). Solid pine double wardrobe (read more). Heal’s dark brown leather console/desk (read more). MacLaren footmuff for buggy (read more).


Wanted: Group 1 car seat that can be attached with seat belts (read more).


Phew, that’s it – have a fabby week!


Annabel and the NappyValleyNet team


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