Latest Posts

Advice Please About Setting Up A Website And Finding A Designer For ArtworkMon Nov 23, 2020 9:33:34 pm -
5 Replies
House Sale - Estate Agent RecommendationsMon Nov 23, 2020 5:22:37 pm -
5 Replies
Selling: OSMO Genius Starter Kit - For IPadMon Nov 23, 2020 5:15:10 pm -
1 Replies
Ideas For Christmas Gift For Nanny?Mon Nov 23, 2020 2:58:36 pm -
13 Replies
How Can I Stop My Wife Using The Joint Credit Card?Mon Nov 23, 2020 12:04:04 pm -
5 Replies
Housekeeper NeededSun Nov 22, 2020 7:01:47 pm -
4 Replies
Our School Is Not The Right Fit, Please Help?Sun Nov 22, 2020 6:08:42 pm -
13 Replies
State SchoolsSat Nov 21, 2020 9:21:33 pm -
2 Replies
SchoolsThu Nov 19, 2020 11:17:40 pm -
9 Replies
Mud KitchenThu Nov 19, 2020 2:46:56 pm -
RECENT
Small Garden - Will A Grass Trimmer / Strimmer Suffice?Wed Nov 18, 2020 8:28:27 pm -
1 Replies
Need Piano Teacher For 7y/o Boy Clapham Common SouthsideWed Nov 18, 2020 9:36:33 am -
4 Replies
Gynaecologist RecommendationTue Nov 17, 2020 3:20:50 pm -
RECENT
Moving To WandsworthTue Nov 17, 2020 2:26:54 pm -
6 Replies
Au Pair Freedoms During Lockdown?Tue Nov 17, 2020 10:26:53 am -
3 Replies
Has Anyone Had To Tell Their Husband That They Smell?!Mon Nov 16, 2020 9:39:58 pm -
11 Replies
Carpet MothsMon Nov 16, 2020 11:14:49 am -
2 Replies
End Of Tenancy/Move In CleanMon Nov 16, 2020 10:11:08 am -
RECENT
Contesting A Will, Father Plans To Leave Everything To GrandchildrenMon Nov 16, 2020 9:52:26 am -
12 Replies
Moving/removals ServiceMon Nov 16, 2020 6:24:12 am -
1 Replies
Belleville Wix Academy PTA Christmas Tree SaleSun Nov 15, 2020 8:32:34 pm -
1 Replies
Selling: White Stokke Tripp Trapp X 2Sun Nov 15, 2020 5:44:03 pm -
1 Replies
Selling: OSMO Little Genius Starter Kit For IPadSun Nov 15, 2020 3:45:28 pm -
RECENT
Mystery Drop - Late AvailabilityFri Nov 13, 2020 3:58:53 pm -
RECENT
Corvid Vaccine Interesting Facts,from Good Source!Fri Nov 13, 2020 8:46:51 am -
RECENT
Great Cleaner Is AvailableFri Nov 13, 2020 5:12:45 am -
RECENT
Bouncy CastleThu Nov 12, 2020 8:02:47 pm -
2 Replies
Dogs Yapping Driving Me Mad.Thu Nov 12, 2020 4:19:54 pm -
9 Replies
Advice On Hypoallergenic CatsThu Nov 12, 2020 9:58:34 am -
10 Replies
Your Car Older Than 2006? Prepare For It Being Banned From The Road!Thu Nov 12, 2020 9:28:49 am -
9 Replies
Looking For House To Rent!Thu Nov 12, 2020 7:24:48 am -
RECENT
Supporting Local Retailers OnlineWed Nov 11, 2020 9:11:17 am -
2 Replies
Salcombe Staycation For New YearTue Nov 10, 2020 5:23:09 pm -
RECENT
Wandsworth Borough Council - Purchasing The FreeholdTue Nov 10, 2020 10:28:26 am -
RECENT
**Help!** ADHD SON LOOKING FOR SCHOOLMon Nov 09, 2020 11:17:52 pm -
8 Replies
Childminder Or Nursery In Balham For One Year OldMon Nov 09, 2020 10:26:38 pm -
1 Replies
Saint Cecilia's C Of E SchoolMon Nov 09, 2020 7:58:01 pm -
2 Replies
What DO We Want On Northcote Road???Mon Nov 09, 2020 11:30:15 am -
540 Replies
E-Cigs/ Vaping??Mon Nov 09, 2020 10:52:25 am -
4 Replies
Wrap Up London Coat CollectionMon Nov 09, 2020 9:25:35 am -
1 Replies
Cello Teacher Recommendation?Mon Nov 09, 2020 7:30:04 am -
1 Replies
Ravenstone Vs Henry Cavendish (Balham)Mon Nov 09, 2020 7:15:34 am -
4 Replies
Recommendation Needed: Fertility Clinic In London AND SpecialistSun Nov 08, 2020 9:11:46 pm -
36 Replies
Feedback On Little Garden Nursery Clapham And Working Mums Nursery BatterseaSun Nov 08, 2020 4:34:47 pm -
RECENT
Northwood Schools Virtual Christmas Fair – Stallholders NeededFri Nov 06, 2020 5:52:09 pm -
RECENT
Anyone Looking For A Local Home Cleaner?Fri Nov 06, 2020 12:53:51 pm -
RECENT
NurseriesFri Nov 06, 2020 11:35:10 am -
3 Replies
Northcote House NurseryThu Nov 05, 2020 3:07:50 pm -
5 Replies
Bloody Bens Moving From Earlsfield To Nightingale LaneThu Nov 05, 2020 1:14:11 pm -
RECENT
Parkgate Nursery Uniform On SaleThu Nov 05, 2020 11:36:07 am -
8 Replies

Why a focus on options can reduce the stress and cost of breaking up/separation

Last Updated on : 9th November 2020

When a relationship ends it is very easy and understandable to adopt a position based on how you and your partner feel about the breakdown of the relationship. You are both likely to have a mix of emotions running through your mind; anger, sadness, shock, embarrassment, relief even, and that will influence your position in discussing the future.

Positioning can be reinforced by solicitors’ letters and well-intentioned advice from family and friends, preventing both of you from talking and perhaps reaching your own solutions to the family finances and any future arrangements over the children. But not all separations have to end in court.

It’s much more helpful, if possible, to avoid taking positions, and to instead focus on the priorities, interests, and hopes for both of you. Taking this approach offers you and your partner options for you both to resolve matters together.

Problem-solving, cooperation, and joint decision-making aren’t always the words you associate with separation but they are so important. They can be achieved by meeting up and having open and honest discussions with the help of a family mediator. It is in this way, that you can identify those areas where you agree, where you might reach a mutually acceptable decision, and where there is no room to budge. It very often means recognising what your partner needs and feels. By looking behind any potential barriers you can often find common interests with your partner, for example, A wants to be sure B doesn’t just leave the children with his sister when he has them, B meanwhile wants A to be less controlling when he has the children. In essence, there is no disagreement over B spending time with the children and each knows the children will benefit from spending time with both parents, there is just a difference as to how that time is spent. There is therefore a starting point for discussions.

You can work together through the options to reach an outcome that will work in reality and that both of you are comfortable living with. As well as facilitating these discussions a family mediator will reality check the outcome with each of you.

By focusing on your options you remain in control rather than giving the decision making to the court. This can make all the difference, by moving from living with a decision to working out for yourselves the outcome. The latter has of course more chance of lasting, and that’s got to be better financially and emotionally for all members of the family.

It means, of course, talking to your partner. Where there are young children involved, with the exception of particular cases, you are likely to be having to communicate with your former partner for many years to come. So, starting discussions in the room or on Zoom face-to-face is so much better than communicating through WhatsApp, text, email, or solicitor’s letter. It’s very easy for words in messaging or email to be misunderstood or meanings read into them.

Putting the problem on the table for both of you to see might help begin the process of moving forward.

Marcus Stanton is a Family Mediator at Kingston & Richmond Family Mediation Practice providing online mediation for separating couples living in SW London

You Might Also Like

Top tips to keep everyone safe when holding your firework display at home

Autumn in the UK usually heralds firework season, however this year things are different. Due to covid-19, public firework displays have been cancelled to try ... Read Feature

Reusable vs. Disposable Nappies

Did you know that the average baby goes through 4,000 disposable nappies from birth to potty training – that's 3 billion a year in England and Wales alone. ... Read Feature

A pandemic financial plan for all the family

Ensure a safe financial future for yourself, your parents and your children during the coronavirus pandemic Members of the sandwich generation, those individuals in their 40... Read Feature

Join the Discussion