Your mother is right to be open about the realities. Majority of women seem to have a good experience giving birth naturally with manageable pain. However, a large minority of people do not. Humans are poorly designed for giving birth.

Premature birth, being induced, tearing, infection, sick babies, extreme pain, emergency C-sections - these are things that happen frequently but no one talks about them, especially to first time mothers 'in case they scare them'.

It's not scaring, it's preparing. When things don't go unicorns you want to be armed with knowledge to keep a degree of control over the situation. For example, after several hours in labour with my first baby I was told it was stuck and they were taking me to theatre to do 'ventouse then forceps then emergency caesarian' and I knew enough to say skip the forceps.

I strongly recommend having your own birthing partner, midwife or doula or experienced nursing/midwife friend, someone who understands what is to be expected and what not (so not your husband), someone you trust to recommend a course of action or to communicate on your behalf should things not go the way you planned.

St George's: wish I had not. Elective C-section: wish with all my heart I had. That said, if you have one booked and the baby decides to come early I would not automatically go for an emergency c. Prematurity: I was told to lie down a lot and have showers not baths especially weeks 20-28.
Wish you good luck, and well done for thinking about this early on.

Meant "naturally" not "naty ost" ,😂

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I was quite the opposite - brainwashed by NCT, absolutely scared of c section but now I'm so delighted I gave birth naturally. It was so amazing. I was in Kingston hospital too. They were amazing. My recovery was super fast. Are you American by any chance? Your body really is designed to give birth naty ost of the time...

You are entirely allowed to opt for an elective C section on the NHS. Yes some midwives will obviously have a preference, but they are not allowed to force you one way or the other. When you request one, they do go through the pros/cons very thoroughly - not in the same way that they do for a vaginal birth. No one readily publicises 80% of births will result in tears, but they’re happy to tell you your changes of infection etc for surgery. But you are entirely within your right to request an elective - sure they can ask you for your reasons - but they cannot tell you you can’t. Look at the NICE birth guidelines to know your rights.

A friend of mine recently had an elective c section on the NHS. She has a history of (manageable but medicated) anxiety but more to the point had had around 5 miscarriages and a TFMR which required her to deliver at 16/17 weeks.  I think it was enough for the staff that this baby was beyond precious given the history and she wanted to go the route with the fewest variables and safest for the baby (which I understand there is research to support being c section, microbiome benefits excluded).

Hi and first of all well done for reaching out. Pregnancy can be so overwhelming for so many reasons and Covid has certainly added a big, fat, extra layer of stress. You're not alone and it [u]is [/u]possible to feel different!

The other replies have already said what I know too: hypnobirthing is definitely the way forward and you may also find that a 1-1 hypnotherapy session is very useful to eliminate your anxiety - this will ensure the best foundation for hypnobirthing to work well.

I'm a [u]hypnotherapist specialising in fertility, pregnancy and birth[/u] for the past 20 years, teaching hypnobirthing to countless couples with amazing results - I'd love to tell you a bit about the support I can provide, you're welcome to call me (07963 046456) when you have a moment.

Please also come to my [u]free hypnobirthing Zoom sessions[/u] - 30mins of relaxation, stress release and important time with your baby. These sessions (no cost) have provided many women/couples with a strong anchor during lockdown and, I'm delighted to say, have really helped them feel less anxious, alone and scared of birth.

Next Zoom sessions are on Wed 9th Dec ... book your free place on www.thehypnobirthingexperts.com homepage, email info@thehypnobirthingexperts.com or simply call me on 07963 046456.

In the meantime focus on 1 day at a time, look for the positives, however small they may seem. If you fill your head with positives then there's less space for the negatives. You can train your mind to connect to the positives and that's so beneficial for your baby's wellbeing too.

I'd love to help and know that hypno techniques can make all the difference. It's important to learn hypnobirthing from a qualified hypnotherapist, especially if you're feeling anxious. The deep relaxation or trance can trigger emotions (known as abreactions) and it's important to know how to release these correctly, possibly with 1-1 hypnotherapy.

Wishing you all the best and hope we can connect online (or in person after lockdown!)
Kristin x
www.thehypnobirthingexperts.com
07963 046456

It's a pity that your mother should have scared you like that and spoiled what should be a lovely time of pregnancy.  Your body isn't her body and your experience will be unique to you and the midwifery staff know their onions.  Take whatever help is offered that works for you - loads of suggestions above.  

Do bear in mind what my mother told me - a C section, while common, is a serious operation.  You don't need to be Superwoman afterwards.  Let your body heal.

Good luck - and the babe will turn up regardless of whatever you do.  Lots of cuddles to look forward to!

Congratulations!!! I highly recommend the Positive Birth Company- there are free videos on youtube, so you could get a feel for it first. It’s about £40 I think but the best £40 I’ve probably ever spent.

It’s hypnobirthing - but also all the science which I think helps you to have a much greater understanding of what is happening to your body. As well as learning how to make informed decisions for your birth.

I honestly cannot recommend it enough- the videos are relaxing - you get a lot of content to prepare you, as well as all the breathing techniques etc as well.

I really hope you feel a little less worried with all the fantastic advice offered. Best of luck xx

Hello,
Congratulations on your pregnancy and I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so overwhelmed. The following info might be helpful to you.
I delivered my second baby at Kingston Hospital and would highly recommend them. I was very anxious about the delivery, though for different reasons. I was referred to ‘The Emerald Team’ who are a specialist midwifery team who look after women who have a higher level of need during their pregnancy. I saw the same two lovely midwives for all my antenatal appointments. The continuity massively helped with my anxiety. I saw their Consultant Obstetric Doctor during this time to discuss my birth plan. Her name is Miss Florence Wilcock. She is a high profile advocate for women to be given more and better birth choices. Google “ miss florence wilcock kingston hospital“ and click on the first result to see her profile on the Kingston Hospital website.
I reckon a booking appointment with Emerald Team then a conversation with her could really help. What you need is evidence-based information about your options, so you can make an informed decision about your mode of delivery.
Good luck!

I also recommend hypnobirthing. Not only does it help hugely when you are in labour with breathing techniques and visualisation, but it also takes away the fear. I have always hated hospitals but genuinely didn't feel at all frightened going in to give birth to my first, even though I was induced. My second piece of advice would be to get a doula. These are ladies who while not medically qualified, know a lot about birth and are there to support you and advocate for you during your labour and birth. They will visit you beforehand so you get to know them. Also do recognise that not only will your childbirth be nothing like your mother's but that most women have different births each time. I certainly did. You are early in your pregnancy so you have plenty of time to find out more about giving birth. Educating yourself will take away a lot of the fear. Having a live human emerge from your body is one of the most amazing things you can experience. Don't lock yourself into a closed, fearful mindset - your body is designed to give birth!

I felt just the same as you. Birth absolutely terrified me. The game changer for me was reading up and I suppose a previous poster was correct in that it felt like ‘taking back control’. It felt good to get prepared. I went on to Amazon and searched for help there. I got a few books and they were all great. The main one was Ina May’s guide to childbirth. I read the reviews (the sheer number of reviews is the first clue that it’s an interesting book) and decided to give it a go. The reviews there will give you an accurate feel of what the book is about. She’s very hippy and that’s offputting to some, but the one thing she gave me for which I will be forever grateful, is she resolved my anxiety. I had two good birth experiences riding high on that book.
I feel like I was in a similar place to you so thought it might be useful. Best of luck xx

Hi Alltheletters,

I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time.
It is so difficult when a previous family trauma is handed down to younger family members. These remain with us and become our own blueprints and for pregnancy and birth this can be very unsettling indeed.

Obviously you are not your mother. Her experience is hers alone. We do not know how your pregnancy will be nor your labour and birth - but you can influence so much about how you will experience the remainder of this pregnancy and how prepared you feel going in the birth.

So, what do I recommend?
Read other stories about birth. Start with the Natalie Meddings book 'How To Have A Baby' and Milli Hill's 'Positive Birth Book'.
Then read more accounts of birth. You can find a good mix of experiences here: https://www.betterbirthstories.com/better-birth-stories

Then consider what antenatal course you would like to take. I wholeheartedly agree with the comments above for a Hypnobirthing course (I run Better Birth Stories so would do!!). You can take the online home learning version of our course here: https://www.betterbirthstories.com/hypnobirthing-online-course or book in for our popular One Day Group Hypnobirthing Course locally here: https://www.betterbirthstories.com/london-hypnobirthing-classes

What else might you like?
Well, Dr Sara Wickham has a wonderful website choc full of birth information here: https://www.sarawickham.com/
Rachel Reed's - Midwife Thinking can be found here: https://midwifethinking.com/
And the NCT can be found here: https://www.nct.org.uk/

And lastly, if you still want a c-section after all of that reading then you are absolutely entitled to one. You will have considered all of the evidence and be making a decision that works best for you.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and birth and do feel free to dm me if you have any questions.

xx
 

I completely understand your anxiety, I found that my midwife team were wonderful and really emphasised with my worries.

A few things I tried were-

- I found a midwife which I clicked with in the team I was under and we discussed booking my appointments and telephone appointments on the days she worked. I then didn’t have to re explain at each appointment my worries.
- I saw one of the senior midwifes on the ward in my third trimester to discuss elective induction or csection, monitoring in all stages of labour etc
- ask to see the peri-natal midwife who can sign off your preference on birth. I’d suggest getting the ball rolling soon as it can take a bit amount of time to arrange.
- I was at st George’s and elective csection and inductions are allowed at 39+1 so I would check if Kingston is the same
- pregnancy yoga was a good thing for me to do as it taught me good calming techniques to use each day

Wishing you all the best

I just wanted to say a massive thank you to all you lovely ladies for replying to me, and sharing your experiences in some cases.

Reading your replies has helped me greatly with some of the anxieties I've been having, and you have all given me some sound advice. Feeling stronger in the mind, and I'm also armed with my favorite thing, knowledge.

I'm just really grateful to you all, thank you x.

I think you need to look at the bigger picture. This is your baby and these are your choices. Everywoman is birth is going to be different. If your pregnancy is normal and not high-risk then you are most likely going to have a healthy and happy baby. If your midwife notices things that require extra referral she will talk to you about your choices and options available. Please do not focus on what people are telling you. That is their experience and not yours.

Enjoy your pregnancy, eat well, sleep well and try and stay active. Take those moments to stare at your tummy and look at the movements of the baby concentrate on those positive beautiful moments.

You are doing a wonderful job of bringing life into the world. If you are anxious and nervous I would definitely speak to your midwife especially if you have reservations. The thing about midwifery is that it is women scented and you have choices. If you notice anything strange going on with your pregnancy then talk to your midwife about it there is always someone there to listen x