Hello outofwill, I am curious to know how this turned out? Did you talk to your father in the end?

Pigeonpairmum, it's a while since I studied succession law, but it's my understanding that as a general rule marriage does revoke a former will?? That is, unless the will was made in contemplation of the marriage and was not intended to be revoked by it. I know a family who had problems with this particular issue and had a long, hard fight through the courts which is the only reason I remember it.

I certainly think it's worth the OP checking this point and making sure her Dad is aware of it so that he can make sure his estate is divided as he wishes after he has died and he doesn't inadvertently die intestate.

It is NOT correct of SImplyme to state that upon a remarriage any previously excuted will is invalid and that any assets automatically go to a new spouse.

Your father's currrent will is valid unless and until he changes it or it is judged invalid (your post does not suggest that is likely, BTW).

If your father seeks a solicitor's advice to change his will, the solicitor if any good at their job will probe the reasons why and ensure his capacity and that no coercion. I am not suggesting ther might be, just saying what should happen in order that the solicitor is satisfied the new will reflects the testator's desires correctly and will standup to scrutiny.

Please talk to your dad - he might not have realised your fear of losing your mother's jewellry etc.

Other posts about trusts for school fees and life interests are broadly correct.

Finally, please consult a solicitor for advice - I haven't consulted him about your post but my brother, a specialist wills and probate solicitor, would be happy to help. PM me for more info.

All the best in an emotionally difficult situation.

I think that all you can do is:

- ask if you can have some of the sentimental items ie jewellery etc - your father may not have realised how much these mean to you

- ask if his marriage is going to change his intentions regarding his will, ie change the plans to leave it to you that he had previously shared with you.

- you can say that you had to some extent planned to use the inheritance (eg school fees) so you need to know if that is changing so that you can make other plans.

- but I think you need to make it clear to him that you don't expect anything from him - it's his money to do what he wants with - but you just would like to know so that you can plan accordingly.

I also agree with the comments saying you shouldn't really have made any plans based on expected inheritance, sorry. Nobody can know what will happen - for example he might (god forbid) have a stroke or illness and need 24/7 care for years which could cost a fortune. You don't sound like a bad person and I can understand it's easy to get used to the idea of the money - and it being spent on your father's care is different from it going to his new wife - but I'm just using that example to show why nobody should plan around an inheritance.

My mum died when I was 13 yrs and my father remarried 4 years later. At the time we had only one big flat and his new wife had two smaller ones. She could not have children and I have 2 siblings. My father decided to buy each one of us a 3 bedroom flat. My stepmom was a professor and after she retired she started a very successful business and is very wealthy. But all her money will go to her family: nieces and nephews.

The flat my father lives with her is very good and in case he died, she will be able to live until she dies. Then, it will be shared between me and my brothers. That was all sorted out in a will. Ask your dad to do something like this.

I think this is excellent advice and I do see both sides, however, my response was based on the fact he wants to sell the house, downsize and using the money and travel the world which I think should be celebrated!! He is obviously nowhere near the end of his life yet! Are you suggesting outofwill should ask for a split tenancy of the fathers new house, the one he is likely to buy with his new wife? This might make things very difficult don't you think?

I do think that the mother would want her money to go to her daughter and grandchildren and I have no discrepancy that she earned it... I'm a mum and I earn my share that's for sure!!! However, the father has a lot of living to do and 'inheritance' is not what you can see now in property/savings etc it's what is there at the end of his life and that's an unknown for everyone and totally up to him.

I think you have to sit it out and wait for matters to uncoil, the only thing you could do without upsetting anyone would be to ask about your mothers jewellery for sentimental reasons I imagine you find this hurtful and I think anyone would understand that.

From your post, I don't actually see this as an issue about money - but about the hugely symbolic and emotional role money has in family life and the usurping of your mother's memory and assets and feeling as if you have been emotionally manipulated by your father, when you gave so freely of your time and care.

You strike me as a very sensible, unselfish person who is quite appropriately confused, hurt and duped by what has happened. In this situation it is much more important to retain a positive view of who you are, what you value and what you have achieved and positively contribute to your own life, and that of others.

Don't get stuck in the negative feelings of what quite understandably feels like a form of betrayal.

Good luck and you should be proud that you reached out to others to find the answers you need for yourself.

thank you everyone for the kind words and advice.

I'm also not bothered by any negative comments, it's a downside of posting publicly and I wanted the advice more

I'll reflect on your suggestions and decide what to do next.

Thanks again

It is not your dad's job to educate your kids but it was not your job to cook and clean for him and you did it.

Dear outofwill,

Again, ignore the old but very unwise man. It not your dad's job to educate your children but it IS his job to be careful and responsible with the inheritance YOU MUM left him. Remember his second wife may already have a house and her children could end up inheriting two properties and you and your kids nothing. Think about your mum's legacy which is you and your children.

Further to the post from Ruby.................

why not earn some money and pay them yourself...or send them to State School...LIVE WITHIN YOUR OWN MEANS !!!! Its not his job to pay for your kids education !!!

Dear outofwill,

You have every right to want your children (as you are going to spend your inheritance in their education) to benefit from whatever is left from your dad AND mum. Plus if they get divorced, you are still going to be his family and you will still look after him. She will disappear. Talk to your dad.

I agree with the previous post and the similar ones before. Your mum's jewellery should stay in the family in my opinion.
As for some of the other posts (one in particular), the woman asked for an opinion, not to be abused! Just because it's online it's not ok to bully her!

Try not to be upset by wiseold man.
Your father has involved you directly in his inheritance planning and raised your hopes. It sounds like you first started caring for him and your mother with the very best of motives and with no help from your brother. That was a good thing to do.

If as you say, the whole inheritance business was raised by your father in the first place, its not really your fault that your hopes were raised. With hindsight, I am sure you would not have let yourself get sucked into the scenario, but having found yourself there & I can see how you might feel some disappointment.

Now, normally, I would say keep quiet and suck it up because its his money and you risk hurting your relationship with him. However, because your father went as far as to show you the paperwork and initiated all this, I think that you do have the right to talk to him to find out his future plans. Give the wedding dust time to settle, then if you still feel the need to know, approach it as delicately as you can. Make sure he does not feel pressurised. You approve of his new wife, love him, and seek clarity not his money.
If your relationship is good, talk to your brother as well. He might be able to offer advice.
What ever you do, its not worth destroying your relationship with your father and potentially your brother. When your father does die, you will find that you would give away all that money in an instant just to have him back.

It must be hard for you now, but seeing your father happy will make you forget about inheritance, you might be able to sort out the inheritance from your mum part, just consult a lawyer, and you will be able to get a part of her jewlleries and from her property share, but obviously your father will have the majority. Just have a chat with your father and tell him you don't feel comfortable seeing another women wearing your mum things, but that you are happy for him to have someone to enjoy old days. Apart from this, you can't really ask him to leave you anything.