Great that he offered in the end - I hope you get some rest!

I'm glad to see that the replies are overwhelmingly in favor of having Dad step in. Raising children is a collective responsibility and most dads I know love the 11pm feed, as it's one of the only chances they have to connect with their baby one to one. Keep your head up!

I don't think it is unreasonable at all!
11pm is not that late. You said your husband's job is not extremely stressful.
Ask him to to help out a bit!
And hand over your baby to your nanny for a few hours during the day and try and nap with no baby in the room. Your exhaustion will just build up.

Man some tough love on here!

Congratulations on your new arrival!
Not sure if it would work for you but what about some compromising? In the early days hubby slept in the guest room from Sunday to Friday to have proper nights sleep (he has a very demanding, stressful job) while I slept with the baby in our room. On Friday and Saturday nights he slept with the baby while I went to the guest room on my own, door closed and wasn't allowed to be disturbed - total bliss
I had a very complicated labour (emergency c-section) and tough recovery too (spent nearly 2 weeks in hospital afterwards during which hubby had to look after the baby on his own every day and night!) but those 2 full nights sleep per week that I had was all I needed to cope with the rest of the week on my own.
Good luck! As you already know, it will get easier eventually xx

Hi there - The potential downside of doing it all yourself can be that you get ill from exhuastion and then your husband will have to do much more than the odd 11 p.m feed to help you recover. That's what happened to me first time round, not because my husband wouldn't have done it, but because I thought it I could "manage" and didn't want to bother him. With the best intention in the world, I did my best to do it all - unfortunately my body had other ideas and it nearly ended very badly.

I will (hopefully) be in a similar position to you in a few weeks time. I will have a 3 year old and newborn - with some help from nanny during the day. But the nanny is dedicated for the 3 year old and whilst I'm sure she'd help out for the odd half hour or so (or swap 3 year old for newborn) the newborn will be my complete responsibility.

Until newborn is in her own own room, my hubby will be sleeping in a different room so he is not disrupted during the night. But although I will be breast-feeding (hopefully) most of the time, I plan to make the 11 p.m. feed a bottle (probably formula) and I will definitely ask hubby to do it most nights so that I can go to bed early and aim to get 4-5 hours straight before the 2:30ish feed.

I don't think that's unreasonable, as he wouldn't normally go to bed before this time anyway and he'll then get to sleep right through until 6.30 a.m.

It is about teamwork. Your partner may still have a full time "external" job but you've just had a baby and you're knack3red - and in my case I will still be doing the shopping, cooking, washing etc for the whole household. So I would expect hubby to do the 11 p.m. until its no longer required -either because the baby doesn't need it or doesn't need the 2.30a.m one and can sleep straight through to 4:30-5 a.m.

Good luck and always remember to be kind to yourself. Having a newborn is really tough and the people who love you will understand and want to help all they can. It's in everyone's interests that you stay strong and healthy.


xx

When I had my newborns (4 children, 2 of which were twins) I asked my husband to do the feeds on Friday all night so that I would have one night a week of full sleep, it really helped, generally Fridays couldn't come quick enough!
It's exhausting and seems never ending but it's a phase and that's the thing to remember. Besides that, you must keep talking to your husband and try to solve the problems together, he may have solutions you haven't thought of in your sleep deprived state!
Could you take a nap in a different room from the baby so you are not disturbed and let the nanny have the monitor and do the checking on baby so that you are able to rest? Even an hour would make a difference to how you feel I'm sure.

My husband did the 10:30pm feed from the start and enjoyed it. I breastfed but he used expressed milk and that didn't cause any problems. He was working full time and I did the middle of the night duty. It sounds like you've worked out a solution and that's great.

Sorry, I'm worried that my previous post sounded a little harsh. I just meant that as you have a nanny, I would get her to help a more to give you a break/chance to get some rest, rather than your husband as he's working during the day.

Hopefully things have settled down a bit by now and your getting into a nice rhythm.

I too found some of the responses a little stern on this post. Still, to each their own.Each family finds their own rhythm.

For us, my husband did the 11pm feed, and then I was able to get up to do the night feeds once I'd had some sleep. Gave me the chance to get enough sleep to feel I wasn't crazily sleep deprived.

You need to discuss the fact that you are struggling. It all depends on circumstances. For me, 11pm is the middle of the night as we go to bed by 9 as we had 2 terrible sleepers (3hrs broken sleep max a night for 18mths!) my husband is lucky he didn't loose his job. He always wanted to help and he did most of the time but at a massive cost to his work.
If your husband isn't too exhausted then I'm sure he would happily help from time to time and also help you on non work nights but remember that performance at work pays for your house / nanny etx and if yôu loose that then tiredness will be the least of your problems!
I do understand though and I am sure your husband does too. Just put yourself in each other's shoes and look after each other. It's so important when you're tired. It shouldn't be about one having more or less sleep but caring for each other and recognising what you can each cope with day to day and that requires honesty both ways!!
Good luck

I have to say, I agree with the team work thing and don't think there is a blanket rule you an apply to this. There is just no logic in " you should do it all as you have a nanny all day and he has to work" because whether you have a nanny or not, your personal exhaustion levels and mental health are things that just can't be quantified by comparing work loads. They are very different. I'm sure your husband has a team at work he can draw on, and I'm sure feeling you have to do it all alone can contribute to making you feel worse. Sometimes you just need a bit of help to get you through when you're struggling. Equally if he's under the gun at work for a week or two, that might be the time he needs you to do a few more. Having a new born is no time for martyrdom. Happy mummy, happy babies...

Wow- am also surprised by some of these responses, and making sure my husband doesn't read them as he did the night feed for nearly 6 months!
I went back to work part time after a year and can honestly say sitting at a desk most of the day was much less physically tiring then caring for a baby. Obviously I don't know details of your husband's job but agree that it doesn't need to be looked at as a negative- feeding time alone with the baby really important for bonding and 11pm not that late anyway.
My opinion- certainly not unreasonable to ask. Hope goes well x

Thank you for all the responses. In fact the night after I posted this my husband offered to do the 11pm now and again so I think he sensed my exhaustion. I know I should work better with our nanny regarding her taking on both for a few hours - I am not the forceful type and just want harmony so have been hesitant to ask (silly I know!).

I agree it's all about teamwork.
Why don't you just speak to your husband and ask him what he is/isn't prepared to do for the next few weeks while you recover from the birth (and probably weeks of not sleeping whilst pregnant!) and get yourselves into a bit of a routine. I'm sure you can figure out a way to make it work......even if he takes on more of the night feeding Friday/Saturday nights when he doesn't have work the next day to give you a bit of a break?
And work with your nanny to make it work better for you Perhaps she could stay in the house with both children so that she can keep an eye on your noisy sleeping baby while you nap? Get her to do other jobs as well to alleviate the workload such as batch cooking for the freezer (toddlers love helping with cooking!) etc etc.
Good luck - I promise it gets easier!

It's all about team work.
You both have a day job. You're with the kids. He's at the office. No one out ranks the other.
My OH and I always worked together in the early days, it's not a case of 'asking', you're both in this together and both of your mental and physical well being are equally important.
Whatever you both decide to do though, remember, this stage doesn't last forever. The school holidays only have a few more weeks to run and you will survive the baby days. Best of luck.

Agreed, I would totally expect my husband to help with the 11 pm feed - it's not like you're asking him to get up in the middle of the night. And he will probably want that cuddle - I almost run home to ensure I get cuddles with my little ones before they go to bed. You must be exhausted, don't be afraid to ask for help. x