by MrsOctober » Mon Jun 27, 2011 9:35 pm
For what it's worth, there's a 6-yr age gap between my sister and me - didn't work for a number of reasons. My mother said what another post said earlier, the midwives all told her that with a gap that large her body had totally forgotten how to labour and her second birth was every bit and long and awful as the first (worse actually, with her being 6yrs older) As for the relationship between the sisters, it was fabulous for a few years as my six-year-old sister had a living dolly to dress and care for. As I grew older I became a thorn in her side. My mother would constantly encourage her to include me in her games and playdates, yet suddenly there was a cool 10-year-old with a pesky 4-year-old sidekick hanging on her every word. It got worse- there was a very cool 15-year-old being made to take her 9-year-old sister along when she went out for the afternoon with her friends. We've just about managed to salvage a friendship now, we're both in our forties, but it's still on very rocky ground. My husband is 4.5yrs younger than his sibling, again a very weak bond as they grew up rather separately.
I had read several times that 2.5years was the perfect gap. Any smaller and the older child has to grow up a bit too fast, any larger and the older child has been top dog (only dog) for too long and won't easily accept the newcomer. I have two boys 2.5yrs and one week apart, more from luck than science. I am thrilled with the gap. My older son has never had a jealousy problem and was thrilled with his younger brother from day one as he was old enough to understand (lots of 'baby' stories like 'There's a House In Mummy's Tummy, lots of telling him how lucky he is that mummy & daddy are giving him a best friend and the toys his new brother brought as gifts helped too!) He also had almost a year of breastfeeding and 2.5yrs of sole attention which I'm glad about and I think he's benefitted from immensely. My only sadness is that the way their birthdays work out, they will be 3 school years apart. You can't have it all!
Personally, I couldn't have coped with the chaos a smaller gap brings, however short-lived, but I know many, many people who did and are reaping the benefits now. Ultimately, I think we all make our gaps work in the end. After all, actively choosing the gap is a luxury afforded by very few. x
For what it's worth, there's a 6-yr age gap between my sister and me - didn't work for a number of reasons. My mother said what another post said earlier, the midwives all told her that with a gap that large her body had totally forgotten how to labour and her second birth was every bit and long and awful as the first (worse actually, with her being 6yrs older) As for the relationship between the sisters, it was fabulous for a few years as my six-year-old sister had a living dolly to dress and care for. As I grew older I became a thorn in her side. My mother would constantly encourage her to include me in her games and playdates, yet suddenly there was a cool 10-year-old with a pesky 4-year-old sidekick hanging on her every word. It got worse- there was a very cool 15-year-old being made to take her 9-year-old sister along when she went out for the afternoon with her friends. We've just about managed to salvage a friendship now, we're both in our forties, but it's still on very rocky ground. My husband is 4.5yrs younger than his sibling, again a very weak bond as they grew up rather separately.
I had read several times that 2.5years was the perfect gap. Any smaller and the older child has to grow up a bit too fast, any larger and the older child has been top dog (only dog) for too long and won't easily accept the newcomer. I have two boys 2.5yrs and one week apart, more from luck than science. I am thrilled with the gap. My older son has never had a jealousy problem and was thrilled with his younger brother from day one as he was old enough to understand (lots of 'baby' stories like 'There's a House In Mummy's Tummy, lots of telling him how lucky he is that mummy & daddy are giving him a best friend and the toys his new brother brought as gifts helped too!) He also had almost a year of breastfeeding and 2.5yrs of sole attention which I'm glad about and I think he's benefitted from immensely. My only sadness is that the way their birthdays work out, they will be 3 school years apart. You can't have it all!
Personally, I couldn't have coped with the chaos a smaller gap brings, however short-lived, but I know many, many people who did and are reaping the benefits now. Ultimately, I think we all make our gaps work in the end. After all, actively choosing the gap is a luxury afforded by very few. x