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Re: expensive present requests from family

by juliantenniscoach » Thu Dec 12, 2019 7:23 pm

Disappointing that Christmas (irrespective of your faith, if any) has become more about consumption than compassion.  I'm certainly not speaking from a 'high horse' as I'm as bad as anyone else on this front.  It's just that this post has highlighted this for me.  Definitely have a word with SIL and just be honest.  In the long run you can't be faulted for being honest.

Re: expensive present requests from family

by TwinsMama » Mon Dec 09, 2019 1:20 pm

Hi! First, I totally agree £50 per person is very generous of you! My first thought when I read your ask is any chance they are American/lived there recently -- as I literally just bought all three of these items over Black Friday weekend as gifts! (We are US expats with all our family in the States). They retaIl in the States for just around £50 with the current conversion rate but they retail for much more when bought in the UK! Definitely think the best way to go is gift vouchers tho- most of my nieces and nephews get Amazon ones every year from us and are always grateful for them! 

Re: expensive present requests from family

by Mivana » Mon Dec 09, 2019 9:26 am

If I was in your shoes, I would be honest and tell my SIL that the gifts requested are, all, way above the budget you allocate for the occasion (surely if this is not the first time you exchange Christmas gifts with each other she/they must know......?) and requests alternative (more appropriate) present wishes.
I would mention too that your maximum budget is £50, which for nieces/nephews is VERY generous in my mind (also for brothers/sisters!).
That way you don’t run the risk of a repeat next year........
We use (have done for years) Amazon Wish Lists in the Family for gifting, which is very convenient and practical.
Gift choice prices start from a few pounds upwards allowing for most budgets. . . . .
Good Luck and Happy Christmas.

Re: expensive present requests from family

by Kirstie’s Mom » Mon Dec 09, 2019 8:28 am

I am fairly generous gift giver but I agree those Gifts are in the £120 plus range each which I do think is expensive for non immediate families and when there are more than one person to buy for. I either would just be honest and explain because Buying Presents that they don’t want but in you’re price range maybe tantamount to throwing your money away .
The only other suggestion might be to buy something similar in the requested brand eg Jo Malone candle or soaps are around £50 and RL you can probably now get on sale for 50% off or vis Bicester - they have a website .

Re: expensive present requests from family

by GigiBuffon » Mon Dec 09, 2019 7:42 am

PS. How is it that men so often escape this heavy lifting, at Christmas and other times, even when it involves their own families? Wild generalisation, I know, but is a question borne out of genuine curiosity. Will the emotional stuff always be borne by women or will we (you) expect / bring up our own sons to front up and do more?

Re: expensive present requests from family

by GigiBuffon » Mon Dec 09, 2019 7:38 am

Am I right in thinking these present requests are all from their teenagers?

I think a word with your SIL is a good idea, to tell her that you haven’t bought as major presents for each other in the past and wouldn’t expect her to do so for your kids in future.

These are all presents of the “what to give the person who has everything” variety and board/video games, books, affordable clothes are the type of thing I would ask for as / give to a teenager.

Somewhat shocked that your SIL would pass list on in this form!

Re: expensive present requests from family

by Ebonizer » Fri Dec 06, 2019 11:26 am

Thanks for all of your suggestions everyone. And for reassuring me that I wasn't being really mean in thinking that these requests were outlandish. I think that I may go down the voucher route as suggested and possibly caveat my request next yer with a limit. 

I am still a bit taken aback by my SIL. I would have challenged these requests for sure.

Have lovely weekends.

Re: expensive present requests from family

by chorister » Thu Dec 05, 2019 11:20 pm

Muddyboots:  I'm sure you are right that a gift to charity would not go down well, but they may in future come to see it as a good lesson, especially if it was accompanied by a very small token personal gift.

Re giving to charity on behalf of someone else - well it happens, and not just in this context.  Have you never been to a funeral at which you have been asked to give to charity instead of buy flowers?

Re: expensive present requests from family

by Abbevilleteacher » Thu Dec 05, 2019 8:57 pm

I think Windmill’s idea of a voucher from each of their chosen shops is a really good idea.

Re: expensive present requests from family

by muddyboots » Thu Dec 05, 2019 5:48 pm

Chorister,
Yes I’ve heard of this, I’m referring to the topic of teenager making a wishlist...not sure a charity donation will go down that well.
I also personally think that if people want donate to charity they should, but lame to donate and call it a present for someone else.

Re: expensive present requests from family

by windmill26 » Thu Dec 05, 2019 3:16 pm

We stopped all this nonsense years ago! We just buy gifts for our son and my husband and I get a small token for each other or something "big" (more expensive) for the house if needed.My advice to you is make this the last year you ask for suggestions and instead of buying the gift they "suggested" just buy a gift card for the value you feel comfortable with from the shop the present should come from . They can get what they want during the sales after Christmas and if the gift voucher value doesn't cover the price of what they want they can fork out for the rest ...hopefully this will also teach them a valuable lesson!
 

Re: expensive present requests from family

by chorister » Thu Dec 05, 2019 2:55 pm

Muddyboots - I'm absolutely serious.  Have you never come across friends who say that instead of giving presents or sending cards they are going to donate to charity?  IMHO the whole Christmas present giving etc is grotesquely out of control.

Re: expensive present requests from family

by muddyboots » Thu Dec 05, 2019 1:40 pm

Ps, chorister, you cannot be serious?
Giving to charity should he in your own name only not as “gifts” to others unless specifically expressed a wish for this.

Re: expensive present requests from family

by muddyboots » Thu Dec 05, 2019 1:37 pm

Asking for suggestions for presents doesn’t not imply an obligation. Buy what you feel is appropriate in terms of cost.
I do agree your SIL should have had some manners and not forward such extravagant request especially if not the kind of presents you exchange.
I’ve had similar issues, so I just stopped asking. People can get their own cashmere as far as I’m concerned. I do fancy gifts with immediate family only.

Re: expensive present requests from family

by chorister » Thu Dec 05, 2019 12:57 pm

Send £50 per head to charity (Glassdoor is a wonderful local one looking after the homeless) and tell them that you thought that best solution.  Put them in touch with the charity you choose and suggest that they support it and preferably volunteer for it during 2020.

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