This is an age old issue and the reality is many are at it and few will admit it.

It's hard to be that parent who doesn't follow like sheep and in our quest to ensure our children are successful academically, we often feel that if our children are not tutored, then this will limit their future in terms of school and University selection.

The harsh reality is that if a child has to be ferociously tutored and hot-housed for years to pass an entrance exam, the pace and academic demands of that school might be too much pressure for them to manage, and I pick up the pieces either later in the teen years or in young adult life.

What use is it for a child/ young adult to have been tutored, taught and trained to within an inch of their lives to get into Oxbridge, only to find on arriving there they lack the pragmatic skills to actually survive.

My views may not be popular, but I believe strongly the next generation would be served better if we put time and effort onto their character education and to help them learn to understand others perspectives, think creatively, and become problem solvers. Tutor them on emotional self regulation, on EQ and value them for who they are and not their achievements. Work with the child you have and not who you want them to be and by all means use tutors to bolster self esteem and scaffold in subjects that may be challenging.

Good luck with whatever your decision is.

Spending money on a tutor isn't necessary unless your child is struggling in a particular area, but no preparation isn't fair on the child either, particularly since many children ARE heavily tutored. We spent time ourselves going through past test papers with our son so that he knew what to expect and so we also knew where there were areas he may need more practice. One thing that is crucial is exam practice - taking a test is a technique in itself and a child may be totally comfortable with the material but if he/she doesn't know how to take a test, then this is a problem. Just basic stuff like - check the time, check the marks each question counts for, don't spend too long on a question you're struggling with - move on to the next one and mark it so you can come back to it etc. These things take some practice and are easy enough for all parents to manage without having to pay an expensive tutor. 

They all do.  I had no idea being a working mum at the time and not connected into the mum network.  I only found out after the event!  It's the big secret that no-one shares.  Quote unquote "we did what we had to" ... to get the secondary school place.  Don't be fooled!

I have the same question
 

We did not tutor for the 8+, but I got the impression that the majority of kids in my son’s class had tutoring, either an out of school arrangement or extra paid hours from one of the school’s own teachers.  And this was on top of all the 8+ prep that the school already did in normal hours and after school clubs!  For some kids this was more than two years of tutoring, starting in Y1 at the age of five, having a go at 7+ and then another go at 8+.   The irony was that it seemed to make no difference to whether kids got into the highly sought after schools (St Paul’s Juniors etc).   The early developers who were reading CS Lewis and using perfectly regular joined up writing aged six got in, as you would expect, and would have done regardless of tutors, and the rest did not, and no amount of tutoring would have got them in.

Having said that, I would use a tutor in future if a) my son was trying for some kind of exam for which his school didn’t prepare, either curriculum wise or format-wise OR b)   If he was really struggling in a particular subject and the school was unable to help.

 

I wouldn’t do coaching unless my child was particularly weak in one subject or is dyslexic or some other educational difficulty. Our thinking was that if our children couldn’t get into a particular secondary school without tutoring then it was the wrong school for them as I certainly wasn’t going to engage tutors until they were 18! However, that’s a few years ago and competition for secondary schools is even greater now from what I hear. It depends on how much tutoring I guess.

We did tutor from june in year 5, mostly to get exam practice and we had someone who talked a lot about techniques and how they try to trick kids, what they need to be aware of in exams etc. This was the most important part of it for us. I think my kid wdve got in any way bt cdve made it easier or the difference in getting a scholarship. I don't agree in tutoring much before year 5 unless yr kid needs it in a particular area

We do it, most people I know do it. It’s just what needs to be done now a days….

Hello can you message me about tutoring

We didn't tutor but we were in the minority. They all start in the beginning of year 5. Sadly has become the norm for tutoring on top of prep school!

I tutor a number of pupils who attend private schools - the majority of my families in fact!

There were many children in our son's prep school that were being tutored for 11plus; and the state school children were too. I think it's pretty much the norm now in Wandsworth. It's just a question of when you start not if you start. Not everyone admits to it and if you can get to grips with the curriculum for Y5/6/7 and buy up Bond papers, Schofield&Sims etc. you could supplement the prepping. I found our son's school didn't really start until Y6. In hindsight I wished I'd been more engaged in Y5 and started sooner so it was more gradual instead of the summer before Y6.

If your child has been performing in the upper quartile at their prep school for Y5/Y6 and are being stretched sufficiently then may be not. It does really depend on the type of schools you want them to try for.

Agree. Maybe it occurs later, but we haven’t gotten to year 3 and the only tutoring that we’ve seen is the kids going for 7+ Exams, and even then it has been in 1 or 2 weaker subjects.

I’m sure it is there but none of our closest friends feel the need.

I really don’t think that’s true. Some people do, but not everyone and if they do it’s usually only in the year before the exams. We didn’t and both my kids (who are bright enough but not super bright) got into Dulwich schools.

Literally everyone! But nobody will admit to it. The whole thing is just crazy...