by amybelle79 » Mon Dec 19, 2011 10:16 am
Hi All,
I know this thread has been running for a while, but while everyone is sharing their MIL stories I feel I must join in!!
I have a story to share... will try to keep it short and sweet
I am pregnant and currently suffering from ante natal depression. My MIL, previously fairly kind and well behaved made a point of sitting and talking to me about her own experiences of depression - being very understanding and sympathetic. Three days later she had a party which we all went to, including my sister and a few friends. It got late so I went off to bed, leaving everyone else to carry on drinking. After an hour or so, unable to sleep I heard someone crying out in the garden and looked out to see my little sister there, very upset. It turns out that MIL had sat down with sister to set her straight on all the things that are wrong with me. Namely...
I am spoilt, greedy and money grabbing - poor husband has to pay for everything.
I have no cause to be depressed - I should take a good look at myself and realise how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband
I am making her poor saintly son miserable - he has no joy in his eyes and looks pale and thin (bad wife not feeding him properly)
If I dont want the baby I should just have an abortion and stop being selfish and making everyone else miserable.
She doesnt give a damn about me or my health - all she cares about is protecting her dear son from a lazy, miserable good for nothing wife - he would be better off without me
Why she made such a show of being friendly and supportive only a few days earlier, and why she chose to share her feelings with my dear sister I dont know. I was keen to put it down to nasty drunken-ness but when confronted by my husband in the morning and again the following day she carried on in the same vein - insisting that I am basically a selfish greedy cow that doesnt deserve him.
Unfortunately all this affected me quite badly - several session spent picking it apart with my counsellor, several almighty rows with husband, sleepless nights, panic attacks etc etc. If she had puled this little stunt at any other time I like to think I would be strong enough to laugh it off, but I am not really myself at the moment
She was asked to apologise by my husband, which she hasnt really done - although has made a great show of going to see a counsellor herself as she hasnt been sleeping well!!
I have said that for the sake of my daughter and my husband, and this baby I am carrying I want to move on past it and try to get along. After all she is his mother and isnt going anywhere, and I am the woman he has chosen to spend his life with - and I'm not budging either! I am going to be the bigger person, kill her with kindness blah bloody blah blah
....But its easier said than done. Why do we always have to be the bigger person? When is it out turn to be treated with grace? Why do I have to put all my hurt aside for the good of everyone else? Why is more important for everyone else to be happy? It feels like she has behaved badly but because she is his sainted blood related mother she can get away with it. To me, it feels like has has won.
And I have to go to her house for christmas! I am starting to feel the panic rising and feel physically sick when I think of having to spend a whole day at her house. I honestly dont know how I'm going to get through it.
Sorry, not very short or sweet but maybe it helps to know that there are other women out here, trying to to do the right thing and feeling crap about it. The problem with love and motherhood is that it seems to be part of the job description that we are often last in the pecking order. Of course there are times when its right to put others first, but I also think as mothers we have to pick the moments for us to come first. I suppose this christmas isnt my turn.
There is always next year - and it will be 100% on my terms then. I might demand to be taken to the maldives or something!
Hi All,
I know this thread has been running for a while, but while everyone is sharing their MIL stories I feel I must join in!!
I have a story to share... will try to keep it short and sweet
I am pregnant and currently suffering from ante natal depression. My MIL, previously fairly kind and well behaved made a point of sitting and talking to me about her own experiences of depression - being very understanding and sympathetic. Three days later she had a party which we all went to, including my sister and a few friends. It got late so I went off to bed, leaving everyone else to carry on drinking. After an hour or so, unable to sleep I heard someone crying out in the garden and looked out to see my little sister there, very upset. It turns out that MIL had sat down with sister to set her straight on all the things that are wrong with me. Namely...
I am spoilt, greedy and money grabbing - poor husband has to pay for everything.
I have no cause to be depressed - I should take a good look at myself and realise how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband
I am making her poor saintly son miserable - he has no joy in his eyes and looks pale and thin (bad wife not feeding him properly)
If I dont want the baby I should just have an abortion and stop being selfish and making everyone else miserable.
She doesnt give a damn about me or my health - all she cares about is protecting her dear son from a lazy, miserable good for nothing wife - he would be better off without me
Why she made such a show of being friendly and supportive only a few days earlier, and why she chose to share her feelings with my dear sister I dont know. I was keen to put it down to nasty drunken-ness but when confronted by my husband in the morning and again the following day she carried on in the same vein - insisting that I am basically a selfish greedy cow that doesnt deserve him.
Unfortunately all this affected me quite badly - several session spent picking it apart with my counsellor, several almighty rows with husband, sleepless nights, panic attacks etc etc. If she had puled this little stunt at any other time I like to think I would be strong enough to laugh it off, but I am not really myself at the moment
She was asked to apologise by my husband, which she hasnt really done - although has made a great show of going to see a counsellor herself as she hasnt been sleeping well!!
I have said that for the sake of my daughter and my husband, and this baby I am carrying I want to move on past it and try to get along. After all she is his mother and isnt going anywhere, and I am the woman he has chosen to spend his life with - and I'm not budging either! I am going to be the bigger person, kill her with kindness blah bloody blah blah
....But its easier said than done. Why do we always have to be the bigger person? When is it out turn to be treated with grace? Why do I have to put all my hurt aside for the good of everyone else? Why is more important for everyone else to be happy? It feels like she has behaved badly but because she is his sainted blood related mother she can get away with it. To me, it feels like has has won.
And I have to go to her house for christmas! I am starting to feel the panic rising and feel physically sick when I think of having to spend a whole day at her house. I honestly dont know how I'm going to get through it.
Sorry, not very short or sweet but maybe it helps to know that there are other women out here, trying to to do the right thing and feeling crap about it. The problem with love and motherhood is that it seems to be part of the job description that we are often last in the pecking order. Of course there are times when its right to put others first, but I also think as mothers we have to pick the moments for us to come first. I suppose this christmas isnt my turn.
There is always next year - and it will be 100% on my terms then. I might demand to be taken to the maldives or something!