Bursary policies are usually published on each schools website, start there

Parents are usually warned that discussing bursaries, which are confidential could result in them being withdrawn. So I’d be very sceptical of any mythical stories of... I know of someone...

The idea that some was considered too affluent to qualify at one school, and then given 100% at another is as fanciful as it sounds.

In Town wrote: ↑Mon Feb 15, 2021 10:56 am You write you could stretch to fees. This is probably your bursary was denied, you actually could afford it, if you really wanted. Not sure even if you apply for other mean tested bursaries or grants you would or should get them. These are for families who need them and even if they wanted them they could not even stretch to pay fees.

That’s not even remotely true

I should add another caveat for you - or anyone - seeking bursaries or scholarships, in other words any financial help in defraying the cost of private education.

I know of a family who couldn't afford private school, whose son was offered a scholarship to a good establishment, with a fees discount. However, the reduced rate was conditional upon the scholar lasting his full scholastic career, failing which the parents would be obliged to repay the accumulated scholarship discount for the entire time he attended the school. Guess what happened.....

He decided he was miserable after 2.5 years - and the parents had to move him, with a concomitant huge reimbursement bill to the school. A nasty sting in the tail. 

The OP seems to have deleted their posts. But I’ll give a little insight.

One thing to consider is that different schools have very different policies on bursaries, and very different amounts of money to spend on them. Some schools are run as businesses to enrich the shareholders, some are truly run as charitiable/educational institutions.

To illustrate the range of possibilities: I know of a child who’s parents were told they were ineligible (even) to be considered for a bursary (due to their income/assets) at one school, while another school gave the same child a 100% bursary.

I think anyone can see that is a ridiculous situation.

I am not compeletely certain, but I believe the scholarship route is largely a thing of the past. Most indications of scholarships I have seen are in the region of £250 per year, as a token recognition of achievement. I believe this may be because schools are recognising that reductions in fees need to be means tested, hence bursaries are much larger.

You write you could stretch to fees. This is probably your bursary was denied, you actually could afford it, if you really wanted. Not sure even if you apply for other mean tested bursaries or grants you would or should get them. These are for families who need them and even if they wanted them they could not even stretch to pay fees.

From what we see of the broad fee breakdown provided by the school in their annual fee letter, it does appear to be the required teachers pensions contributions by the school that account for a significant portion of the fees. As someone else has mentioned above.

Our oldest child is in a private school and we could only afford it because, after months of negotiating, we managed to convince his grandparents to pay for half of the fees, explaining that we would much rather see our inheritance spend now, on his school fees, rather than in 5-10 years time when it's going to be too late for him. Luckily, they can comfortably afford it and it doesn't impact the quality of their life, just the figure they would leave us eventually. Even though we only pay half, it's still a big sum leaving our account every month and it hurts. As others have pointed out, the fees are not the end of it. I must say I'm surprised you were considering private school with a total gross income under 6 figures? It sounds impossible to me. I know several parents whose children are brilliant and got awarded academic scholarships but they were only 15-20% off the total fees. I also know that our school is using up all the bursary budget to help parents who have lost their jobs over the last year and whose children are in the last years of school - so they help them finish the school so they don't have to move elsewhere at the last moment. Finally, you have 3 children so what are your plans for the other two? Sending one child to a private school and the other two to state schools? This is a dilemma many parents struggle with and most opt not to do it if they can't offer the same opportunities to all children. There are a few threads about it on NV worth reading.

Our oldest child is in a private school and we could only afford it because, after months of negotiating, we managed to convince his grandparents to pay for half of the fees, explaining that we would much rather see our inheritance spend now, on his school fees, rather than in 5-10 years time when it's going to be too late for him. Luckily, they can comfortably afford it and it doesn't impact the quality of their life, just the figure they would leave us eventually. Even though we only pay half, it's still a big sum leaving our account every month and it hurts. As others have pointed out, the fees are not the end of it. I must say I'm surprised you were considering private school with a total gross income under 6 figures? It sounds impossible to me. I know several parents whose children are brilliant and got awarded academic scholarships but they were only 15-20% off the total fees. I also know that our school is using up all the bursary budget to help parents who have lost their jobs over the last year and whose children are in the last years of school - so they help them finish the school so they don't have to move elsewhere at the last moment. Finally, you have 3 children so what are your plans for the other two? Sending one child to a private school and the other two to state schools? This is a dilemma many parents struggle with and most opt not to do it if they can't offer the same opportunities to all children. There are a few threads about it on NV worth reading.

I’m sorry you find yourself in this situation it must be very disappointing after all your hard work. However, I think we are lucky in this part of London to have some really excellent state choices. (Big, small, single sex, selective)

You mentioned a specific pastoral need. I would research which state option fills this need best and contact the council to get waitlisted if it’s not already on your application for offers day. Sometimes exceptions to catchment can be made for specific reasons.

I would also investigate how you fill this need in a targeted way - there is plenty of dyslexia/dyspraxia support available privately, there are options for counsellors or a mentor if it’s an emotional health issue, plus a plethora of PT options, clubs, sports teams etc etc. Chat to parents at your local secondaries, they are not as bad as you think!!

You could also approach local preps that extend to 13+ and see if they will offer you a better bursary whilst you save like mad or investigate other finance options. Your chosen school may allow you to defer your place but in all honesty I think it’s a long shot and you still have 2 other children to consider.

I’m sure you would get lots of advice on state secondaries on here if you wanted it.

Best of luck. x

LMPN79 wrote: ↑Mon Feb 15, 2021 8:52 am Thank you, I really appreciate the responses!

Suspect it’s also a question of priorities. We could probably stretch to fees but I feel it’s a vicious circle. The schools here in SW London seems heavily skewed to be highly competitive and I don’t think it’s a very healthy environment. This is no doubt because high fees demand academic results at any costs. My child would have suited what some of the less academic options were 20 years ago - from the results it’s clear they’ve now also turned into hothouses. I find it really rather sad.

I also have a somewhat traditional view that I’m not willing to be in a situation where I have to work myself into the ground to afford the fees. And what if I lose my job and have to take them out, I wouldn’t expect school to bail me out.

They’re not hot houses.

Not every school is suited to every child, but the hot house myth came about when schools needed to explain their poor academic performance and parents wanted to justify getting in somewhere less “prestigious”

You could go to Westminster, and they won’t turn your child into a rocket scientist if he isn’t that way gifted. You could send them a happy school like Milton Abbey, and a good student will still do very well.

And if your child has SEN needs, there is a very good chance a state school will be MUCH better for them. Some private schools are just lazy in those areas, whilst never admitting it

Thank you, I really appreciate the responses!

Suspect it’s also a question of priorities. We could probably stretch to fees but I feel it’s a vicious circle. The schools here in SW London seems heavily skewed to be highly competitive and I don’t think it’s a very healthy environment. This is no doubt because high fees demand academic results at any costs. My child would have suited what some of the less academic options were 20 years ago - from the results it’s clear they’ve now also turned into hothouses. I find it really rather sad.

I also have a somewhat traditional view that I’m not willing to be in a situation where I have to work myself into the ground to afford the fees. And what if I lose my job and have to take them out, I wouldn’t expect school to bail me out.

Yes, I can tell you why fees are so expensive but you might not like it.

Teacher costs are astronomical and the teachers pension scheme is a black hole

Contrary to what people think, private schools get £0.00 annually from the government. Business rebates are worth stuff all, and few are making profits so tax advantages are nothing

Plus, the costs of fee remissions are very high. A total of 20% of fees is not uncommon - but rarely disclosed. Some schools liked to finagle there numbers

The dependence on foreign, mainly Chinese students is a vicious cycle. They pay full fees to subsidise the domestic pupils who can’t afford it

And lastly facilities - the arms race is mostly over, but many are faced with grand old buildings that are expensive to heat, and cost fortunes to maintain and upgrade

There are still expectations are amongst some parents for the shiniest, newest facilities - ironically from the local families who pay far less the full tariff

Independent schools are not rich. That’s a myth from and for guardian readers

This is something I know a lot about, having once been responsible for awarding bursaries at a leading boarding school

Firstly, the level of support for a day place Vs a boarding place is very different

Secondly bursaries are hard to assess because sources of other support are opaque - grandparents etc

Thirdly, no one has a right to a bursary; it is not enough to not be able to afford the fees. The school has to want you and your child. A bursary offer often reflects where you sit in the pecking order, not what they think you might need. So an offer of 15% reduction of fees is just that, and if you can make it work then great! Scholarships and bursaries are not distinct despite the official line. The former reflects the desirability of the child, and the later who much so.

Lastly there is a huge difference between what one family says they can afford and what another says they can. Schools are acutely aware of this and very jaded by it

The London market is soooooo competitive, but outside of it all a small (very small) number of schools are not recruiting schools where bursaries are a commercial decision

Your best bet is to choose a boarding school out of London, and tell them what you can afford (don’t lie, if you undersell
They will write you immediately). They’re bleeding right now. Counter-intuitively you’re more likely to get a 50% discount from a boarding school than 15% from a London day school

Otherwise you’ll just have to accept that there is no basic right to private education and you can’t afford it.

Many people do sell up and move to the country for this reason. If it matters to you that much.

LMPN79 wrote: ↑Mon Feb 15, 2021 8:11 amFortunately state schools exist!

Having gone to a highly competitive private school myself, my kids are going state. Private school fees are now astronomical. Back in the 80s/90s, there was at least a hint of normality. The middle class parents of my private school friends couldn’t afford private school today. It’s a pity these schools are so out of reach, along with abolition of assisted places, this only adds to the inequality of education opportunities today.

Can someone tell me why they are SO expensive today?

I would also like to know.

I would guess that because they are in a marketplace competing for the very best staff, that is one reason. Also, most of them occupy ageing and in many cases listed buildings, which require a huge amount of costly maintenance - and surplus funds to ensure there is always money to tackle unexpected emergencies. They also have massive grounds and facilities which require constant maintenance and upgrading. They are expected to have the latest equipment and technology, which costs more money than most state schools could afford. They are run like businesses because they have to be and they are competing for the global (yes - especially these days) elite, so they can't afford to stand still.

Apart from those reasons, I don't know. But you might as well ask why middle class people can't afford houses in Kensington any more - not 'so' long ago, they could. 
 

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