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Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by BalhamMumWorkingFT » Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:18 pm

I haven't really ever had this problem. But it might be worth leaving out recipes on a daily basis which imply what she should make for the baby and then could eat herself... Plus then you can ensure your baby has the food you want them too... and it gives your nanny the tools to do it again, so to say.

I also used to ear mark things that were off limits. Mainly because we would shop for dinner parties or our own evening meal in advance... and didn't want to have to find it missing.

For the most part, it was a help yourself, let me know what you want to eat situation... and more of our nannies were on diets than actually ate our food! So it was lots of salad buying... Either way, the best policy is to have a conversation without it being too accusatory... You just never know!

Good Luck.

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by BabyMagic » Mon Oct 07, 2013 3:38 pm

Hi,

As an ex-nanny and teacher of 15 yrs and now a medic running a family trouble shooting clinic (including conflict mediation!), I get asked about this a fair bit.

There seem to me to be various issues at play here, and perhaps the appetite seems a problem but could there be something more fundamental at the root of this? Do you feel like you may have made a mistake when you picked your nanny, and that although she may be an excellent care-taker of your child, your personalities just clash? If so, you don't need another reason to let her go, if she is still in her contractual trial period, as long as you give her plenty of notice so that she isn't financially stranded. A good reference would also be advisable as there are no issues with acre that you have highlighted. Most nannies are nuturing, caring and very sensitive to atmosphere and would prefer not to work in a house where conflict/criticism is a constantly running undercurrent. I am sure you know from working yourself that once a boss who doesn't seem to like you, picks on a flaw, flaws are all they notice and focus on, until you are so nervous that you make a mistake.
Take some time out for yourself to consider things with space and clarity and decide if this is a deeper problem, teething issues, stress you are transferring from your own life or a basic lack of a new nanny not clearly understanding her role. Make a LIST, have someone look at it objectively for you, and try to keep bitterness and emotion out. Treat it as a business management exercise. Do you have a set evaluation time? if not say you would like one, and give a date and time and make it pleasant, e.g. over a glass of wine when your LO is in bed. I advise this once every couple of months anyway. A nanny and family have a close relationship and they both care for the most precious thing in your house, your child. Communication is key.
As a nanny I have worked with 'Under-Nannies', 'Junior Nannies' au-pairs and trained au pairs to take over my role. There is a vast difference, both in roles, expectations and professional behaviour (and wages). You said your nanny is an ex-au-pair. If this is her first nanny job in a house she has not previously worked in, she may well not really know what a professionally trained nanny and/or a nanny with years of experience would do and expect, and where the lines are. Do you have an old nanny you are on good terms with who can come and talk to her? I suspect given the tone of your email that any conversation you have with her at the moment may well prove to emotional for the both of you.
As a medic...have you considered a medical problem? I am not suggesting bulimia, especially as you say she is slim, but an unusually large appetite, along with slimness/weight loss, fatigue etc. could spell hyperthyroidism. This could be a way to tackle things in a caring way, saying you are concerned, is she feeling okay?
She does seem a little insensitive to family dynamics and the working relationship if she eats all the chicken...was it going out of date? Was it only one breast? Perhaps her log isn't always accurate and it was fed your LO, or frozen in a meal. Can she cook healthy, nutritious meals and does she understand good nutrition and feeding patterns in infants and children? If not maybe some lessons or a Karmel type cook book and text book would be good to buy, if her English is good enough.
I would hope she isn't taking food home, as bar the odd snack if she is expecting a very long journey somewhere, this is clearly not acceptable to anybody, but isn't something you can fairly accuse her of without upsetting or alienating her.
The poster who said maybe she was eating three meals at your house could well be right, and appetites vary. It would actually be good modelling behaviour if she ate alongside your child, and encourages children to be more adventurous and varied with their diet, as well as being an opportunity for table manner training, discussion and socialisation. A healthy adult should be eating 7 portions of fruit and vegetables a day, perhaps she is doing this and is more nutritionally aware than your prior employees?
Does your contract state only lunch may be eaten at your house? this would be unusual but not unheard of.
Although she is working approx. one hour less per day than the average professional live-out nanny, you are also paying her considerably less than an experienced nanny would expect. Unless you are outside of London, a good, experienced and well-documented nanny with a varied CV and extra skills is usually on £500-550pw nett. I'm guessing the lower rate is due to inexperience, but she may have been chatting to friends who are nannies and not understand the reason for the difference in pay, and is therefore feeling hard done by. How long did you have to look before you found her and was she the best of the candidates who would accept the job?
Either way you sound unhappy, and this is probably being picked up on by both her and your LO. Not to mention that nannies and au pairs read these threads too, and the comment about suggesting a playgroup etc at your house may be enough for her or a friend of hers to identify her, which would not be a nice situation for you, or for her.
Is money tight, if so, maybe share this with her in a nice confiding way that makes her feel trusted. Tell her your family may have to start cutting back a bit and sourcing fruit and vegetables more cheaply etc and using varied cheaper proteins...lentils etc (the Annabel Karmel lentil recipes are yummy), bulk cooking and freezing etc. For a perceptive, helpful nanny, this may be enough for her to rein herself in alone.
Hope that helps.

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by nanny_kitty » Fri Oct 04, 2013 10:24 pm

As a nanny myself I think these situations are delicate and best handled in a non-confrontational way in order to preserve goodwill for the future.

That said, she is not behaving professionally (I think you've already identified this in your reference to the au pair mentality). I agree with previous posters that she is probably using your fridge to avoid having to do a grocery shop - as was perfectly acceptable when she was an au pair. I can't imagine she thinks she's doing much wrong.

As other posters have suggested, reiterate that she is welcome to eat her meals at yours when she is working, but to log it so you can keep on top of grocery shopping. Meal plans would also encourage her to make what you want for your little one, and hopefully prevent her from eating the things that you have earmarked.

It may seem excessive, but if there is no evidence of food packaging in the bin then she's taking food home, and if your gentle hints don't work you may need to be more direct. This is not something you should let slide.

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by moo moo » Fri Oct 04, 2013 9:44 pm

As there's a possibility you may offend your nanny re. The discssion of food consumption (not a welcomed topic for any young girl!) You could ask her to write a list of food she likes to eat at work and keep these in a seperate area of the fridge/ cupboard. So, whatever food you purchase for your nanny, it has to her the week. You could position this ask as a way of :-
1. Ensuring your nanny has food she likes to eat in the house.
2. You have food to come home to each day to enable you to prepare your planned evening meal -i.e no I unwelcomed surprises of chicken breasts being scoffed.
It is a bit ''yours' and 'mine' but it may be a more cost effective and compassionate approach?

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by maxey » Fri Oct 04, 2013 7:50 pm

Bang on MG Midget!

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by MGMidget » Fri Oct 04, 2013 7:24 pm

It sounds like she is either trying to eat all her meals at your house or taking food home to save money (maybe even to cover her days off/the weekends!). She may even be catering for a friend/boyfriend! Yes, having been an Au Pair before its quite likely she has got used to all food being provided by the employer and is trying to maintain this in the current job.

I think you will need to say something so as not to be taken advantage of. It also sounds like she needs to make more effort to cook the food for your daughter since that was part of the job.

When I had a nanny asked that she cooked and ate the same food as my son as much as possible. Perhaps you could suggest this? And also, its not unreasonable to ask her to keep a diary on your daughter's activities and food eaten each day. You could ask her to include what food she has eaten too - because you need to know which items are likely to be running out/need replacing to help you plan your food purchasing. And if ridiculous amounts of food are being consumed (i.e. far more than you would expect for her size) then you are right to question it and ask her to explain. If it carries on then I think I would start to set some limits as it does sound like it could be a case of stealing and at the moment you have given her unlimited access to your food.

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by people peace » Fri Oct 04, 2013 1:39 pm

I agree 100% with Jen66!!

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by Jen66 » Thu Oct 03, 2013 12:04 pm

Food costs an absolute fortune and she is taking advantage of you.

she is probably also, as you say, taking food home with her. That's stealing isn't it?

You are perfectly within your rights to say something. You need to have a chat with her in which you spell out that you would like her to cook a hot evening meal for the children (which she is welcome to share of course.) Why don't you offer to menu plan for her - that way she if you say 'chicken breasts on Thursday' she can't very well scoff them on the Tuesday.
Just say that you are concerned about how quickly the food is going and that you need it to last a little longer so you're going to come up with a weekly plan. It doesn't have to be confrontational.

Her feeding habit could well be costing you £100 a week. That's a lot. Nip it in the bud.

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by csml » Thu Oct 03, 2013 11:06 am

I can understand if you don't like what she is feeding your daughter - I think it is ok to raise this with her gently.

But I would be very, very cautious about telling her that you think she is eating too much. You never know, she might have a medical problem (or just a big appetitie) and this is a sensitive topic. At best she will think you are accusing her of being greedy, and at worst of being a thief. Is is really worth upsetting her over this?

If eating a lot is the worst thing that she does then I would just leave it and buy cheaper fruit (multipacks of apples rather than avocados!)

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by maxey » Thu Oct 03, 2013 8:56 am

We had an au pair who always eat the easiest and best things in the fridge. A bowl full of cherries on the side - she would eat every last one. Go to the fridge - what's the easiest thing 'Oh I think I'll just eat a load of salami!'
To actually prepare something seems a major problem for some of these young girls many of whom are little more than children themselves.
I would keep a record of consumption for a few days and then sit down for a chat!

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by Tibby » Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:58 pm

Hi, thanks for your replies (apart from the first post!)

I know I'm not a bad employer and to that person that asked how much I was paying my nanny, as if sugesting I was exploiting her, fyi I am not! She's paid the ongoing rate working from mon-fri 8.30am to 6pm and gets about £400net per wk plus 5 wks paid holidays per year. Any eventual eve or wknd babysitting is paid extra at £10 p/hr.
And as per your surprise that she writes what my baby eats during the day, you don't even know what you're talking about, most childminders and professional nannies are the ones that initiate the practice of keeping a 'log book' with a summary of what the childrens in their charge ate and drank, how long they slept for and what activities they did that day. This is a valuable communication tool for parents at the end of a long day at work.

I know for sure that she hasn't entertained any nannies or mummies with kids in our place yet, she would have told me if she did. I have actually encouraged her to host a play group in our place eventually and believe me, if she does I will be more than happy to get yummy snacks and drinks for everyone.

It's just that I never had this issue of all the food in the fridge being eaten at once or finding half eaten packs of nuts, crisps etc in the cupboard every day... And I already had a live in nanny and another live out nanny before. Plus the cleaner comes every week and is also allowed to help herself of a little snack in the kitchen when she's around and tbh I hardly notice what she eats or not. So I was curious to know if anyone else had the same experience as I'm having now with the new nanny. Even discussed with my husband that she might have an eating disorder... I don't know, that's why I was after some advice and to hear other people's opinions.
Anyway, apart from that she's a lovely girl and really good with my daughter and I don't want to upset her so I'll see how it goes for a while and in the meantime I guess I'll just have to book an extra weekly food shopping delivery with Mr. Ocado! :?

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by Nanylookingtotemp » Wed Oct 02, 2013 10:51 pm

If you have not already set up a contract of employment prehaps you should do so and incorporate some house rules into that! Depending on what hours your nanny works you may only need too provide her with 1 meal (lunch). Good communication is the key too all successful nanny jobs and your nanny should appreciate that also!

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by watermancinders » Tue Oct 01, 2013 11:31 am

You are NOT a bad employer ( to the person that suggested you were!)

It's always difficult to find a happy medium in these situations.

But there are facts here......

She is eating you out of house and home and that cannot be denied.
You need to have a chat because something is not right if so much food is going over a few days.

Remember you are the employer and its better to clear the air now and that way everyone knows where they stand.

Good luck and keep smiling x

Re: New live-out nanny with an incredibly voracious appetite

by natalieg2b » Tue Oct 01, 2013 10:22 am

You really need advice with this? Just sit down and be honest with her!
Remember most nannies work long days and she could well be eating her 3 meals at your house, she may be having playdates for your child in which case she'll be feeding another child plus their nanny/mother.
If it's such an issue, then leave instructions on what you'd like her to cook for your daughter although I expect if she's an experienced nanny this may not go down too well.
Just talk to her, she's looking after your most precious thing in the world-you must be able to communicate honestly and openly with each other if it's going to work out.

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