by StormontRoad » Mon Nov 10, 2014 3:22 pm
Won't pretend to be an expert, but having survived two teenagers - one now 22, the other 18 - and unleashed them on the world without hospitalisation or incarceration, I can only offer a few thoughts.
I think the "all or nothing" approach is dangerous. 14/15 is a terribly difficult time for girls - hormones, friendships, boys - and I don't think they can help themselves. If you promise her a party and then cancel, you will build even more resentment and she will see no point in ever behaving well. A more positive approach might be to think about how she could earn the right to the party. Are there certain things or behaviours you would like to encourage - simple chores like emptying the dishwasher, or maybe being in touch with her grandparents - or walking the dog, should you have one? If you feel you could have a conversation with her on this basis, and agree a list of, say, ten things that you would like her to achieve before the party, I think you would see a much better result and would build mutual respect.
And even if you do have some meltdowns along the way, all the better to ignore them and return to the list...
Hope this helps and good luck!
Won't pretend to be an expert, but having survived two teenagers - one now 22, the other 18 - and unleashed them on the world without hospitalisation or incarceration, I can only offer a few thoughts.
I think the "all or nothing" approach is dangerous. 14/15 is a terribly difficult time for girls - hormones, friendships, boys - and I don't think they can help themselves. If you promise her a party and then cancel, you will build even more resentment and she will see no point in ever behaving well. A more positive approach might be to think about how she could earn the right to the party. Are there certain things or behaviours you would like to encourage - simple chores like emptying the dishwasher, or maybe being in touch with her grandparents - or walking the dog, should you have one? If you feel you could have a conversation with her on this basis, and agree a list of, say, ten things that you would like her to achieve before the party, I think you would see a much better result and would build mutual respect.
And even if you do have some meltdowns along the way, all the better to ignore them and return to the list...
Hope this helps and good luck!