by drtay » Wed Apr 08, 2015 4:10 pm
We had some success with the following when our son was 2 (he had been a pretty good sleeper, and I had never had to stay in the room with him much before that, and then we experienced the same clinginess as you are going through). This all depends upon your child's language skills, of course...
At bath times we started explaining to son that we couldn't stay in the room with him as he fell asleep because we had to eat, tidy up, go to the shop, etc., but that one of us was always right in the room next door, and we would kiss him good night when he was sleeping. We also repeatedly told him something along the lines of 'S is such a good boy, S doesn't cry when Mummy leaves the room, S doesn't get out of bed, S goes to sleep happily'.
The important thing for us was to then have him echo this in a Q and A at bath time, and then just before bed:
Q: is Mummy/Daddy gonna stay in the room tonight?
A: [wait for the answer from him; if he doesn't give the right answer, ask again]
Q: what's Mummy going to do when S is sleeping?
A: [give me a kiss]
Q: is S going to cry when Mummy leaves the room?
A: [ask until he says no]
Q: is S going to get up and come to the door after Mummy leaves?
A: [again, ask until you get the answer you want]
Q: is S going to go to sleep crying, or is he going to go to sleep happy?
A: [happy]
It seems to work best when it comes from his mouth - it makes the decision seem like it is his.
This worked a charm the first few times we did it. I even tried it on a friend's child when I was babysitting and had luck there too. I thought I should declare myself a baby-whisperer and switch careers. Then, of course, he began to negotiate, and we've had to modify the dialogue every few weeks. Ultimately, these days, if he gets upset and comes out of bed, I get him calm (song, massage, tucked in tight), go through the dialogue again, and I tell him the choice is his, he can go to sleep crying or he can go to sleep happily. He always says he wants to go to sleep happily.
Doing this for 10 months now we have more good bed-times than bad, but sometimes he does regress.
Good luck!
We had some success with the following when our son was 2 (he had been a pretty good sleeper, and I had never had to stay in the room with him much before that, and then we experienced the same clinginess as you are going through). This all depends upon your child's language skills, of course...
At bath times we started explaining to son that we couldn't stay in the room with him as he fell asleep because we had to eat, tidy up, go to the shop, etc., but that one of us was always right in the room next door, and we would kiss him good night when he was sleeping. We also repeatedly told him something along the lines of 'S is such a good boy, S doesn't cry when Mummy leaves the room, S doesn't get out of bed, S goes to sleep happily'.
The important thing for us was to then have him echo this in a Q and A at bath time, and then just before bed:
Q: is Mummy/Daddy gonna stay in the room tonight?
A: [wait for the answer from him; if he doesn't give the right answer, ask again]
Q: what's Mummy going to do when S is sleeping?
A: [give me a kiss]
Q: is S going to cry when Mummy leaves the room?
A: [ask until he says no]
Q: is S going to get up and come to the door after Mummy leaves?
A: [again, ask until you get the answer you want]
Q: is S going to go to sleep crying, or is he going to go to sleep happy?
A: [happy]
It seems to work best when it comes from his mouth - it makes the decision seem like it is his.
This worked a charm the first few times we did it. I even tried it on a friend's child when I was babysitting and had luck there too. I thought I should declare myself a baby-whisperer and switch careers. Then, of course, he began to negotiate, and we've had to modify the dialogue every few weeks. Ultimately, these days, if he gets upset and comes out of bed, I get him calm (song, massage, tucked in tight), go through the dialogue again, and I tell him the choice is his, he can go to sleep crying or he can go to sleep happily. He always says he wants to go to sleep happily.
Doing this for 10 months now we have more good bed-times than bad, but sometimes he does regress.
Good luck!