Advice re going from 2 to 3 Post Reply

[naf77]

I am a mum with 2 kids (3 & 1.5 yrs - one of each) and considering whether to have a 3rd one. Both hubby and I cannot make up our minds & have many days where I think I cannot handle more than 2... However, also 40 so don't have that many yrs to dwell on the matter.. I was wondering whether I can get some honest (blunt ideally) answers re pro / cons from other mums w 3 and things to consider. Thanks for all your help!

[Balhammom]

Go for it.

We didn't and I regret it.

The upside:

1. children are constantly growing. The issues that you are dealing with now with your eldest will be not the issues you are dealing with in nine months time, assuming you got pregnant tonight!

2. as children grow they can help each other and your eldest will be off to school and nursery before you know it

3. when you have three you'll never imagine what life was like with two

The downside:

1. you'll be broken for a few months if not more! I know I said you'll regret it but it will be very hard work. Both you and your husband need to make time for each other and be "on side" for the decision. If he is reticent then it's easy for that to turn into resentment if he's got another two or three years of playing second fiddle

2. financial: most of the costs of the third are a fraction of the first two as long as 1) they're the same sex of one of them so clothes are ok 2) there is not too big an age gap so you still have equipment like prams and stuff and it works ok and 3) there are no school fees.

Most of the people who DIDN'T go for a third cited school fees, they simply can't afford more.

Which is sad when one thinks about it

Good luck, go for it and you'll love it!

[AbbevilleMummy]

Agree with Balhammom, the only thing that has stopped us at 2 is money which is quite sad.

School fees, university fees, travel costs etc etc are so much more with 3 or more children.

I say 3 or more because I have quite a few friends who went for a 3rd only to end up with twins due to the mum's age!!

If money isn't a big issue for you guys I'd definitely keep going! All the negatives such as tiredness, exhaustion, lack of personal space etc all pass quite quickly. It's only the monetary aspect that gets worse as time passes!!

[naf77]

Thank you for your very honest replies!
Unfortunately money is an issue, beside worrying for my own sanity & marriage
It sounds like once one has the 3rd one there are no regrets but it's significantly harder work (with cleaning, tantrum, fights...) and cost..
Thanks again!

[stayathomemuminsw11]

We are having a similar discussion, so I'm following this with interest! We also have one of each, but older (6 and 3) so are really out of the baby stage... Money is also a huge consideration for us too. I'm lucky that I'm younger (31) but I also don't want to have too big a gap if we do go for it!

Decisions! Good luck, whatever you decide.

[4 under 5]

Hello there,

Money of course is something to consider especially in London but i think you shoukd ask yourself if you are done with making babies or not. Not an obvious question ti answer, here a tip: could you give away your maternity clothes ?
On the daily managing of 3 kids or more I found the passage form 1 to 2 far more traumatic than from 2 to 3 (or 4 in my case). Supposedly with 2 kids you already have a nice routine in place, you know what you are doing (most of the time), you just need to add an extra one to the loop.
God luck with your decision making

[LittleMissSunshine]

Hi there,
We have three and a forth one on the way (which was not planned btw)
We had a boy and a girl too and then another girl. They are 5, nearly 3 and nearly 1 and although the first couple of months were stressful, it is getting easier every day.
The older two were always very sweet with the baby and care a lot about her. If you go for state schools, I don't think that money is such a big issue, especially as you can hand down all clothes, toys, etc. Travelling, of course, gets more expensive - so it really depends how much (air) travel you have done so far and are planning in the future.
I always wanted three and it's just so much fun seeing the three together in the bath tub or playing together.
But if you can, get some help in the beginning, especially the first three, four month can be quite tough.
I wish you all the best in your decision whatever it will be.

[KatherineHepburn]

Well, our third was a surprise as we only ever intended to have two kids. The scan where we found out it was twins was fairly shocking!
So for a brief period of time we had 3 kids under 3 and I cannot lie to you that it was anything other than utterly exhausting.
The jump from 2 to 3 also affects things you don't really think about. We had to change our car, move house (we couldn't physically fit 3 beds into the 2nd bedroom), childcare costs, holidays and kids clubs (ballet, swimming etc).
For the last few years we've been stinking broke!! Although with the younger two starting school in September I am finally getting back to work which will certainly help.

However, having 3 is absolutely wonderful. The noise, the play, the cuddles, the crazy family dynamic. We absolutely love it. I never intended to have a large family...and now I do I can honestly say I don't regret a bit of it. My heart is now 3 times bigger, I am very, very grateful.

[freshairmum]

I believe you know in your heart of hearts if you want another child, for most it's an urge that can't be ignored (unless of course you have twins or fall pregnant unexpectedly) but understandably difficult if money is an issue and as a couple you don't feel the same desire/urge. Good luck!

[Stripyshirt]

This is a hot topic in our household too at the moment! A further question would be whether it's easier to just get the baby stage over and done with and have all three in relatively quick succession or whether it's easier to have a bit of a gap/breather after number two and wait until the elder two are in school/nursery at least so you have more time to devote to number three and so you only feel like you are looking after one baby rather than three babies! I guess parental age would be a factor in that decision.